View Full Version : Faint glimmer of a light at the end of the tunnel.
Hi all,
Well, this is my 3rd day on Cipralex and I'm feeling a strange "calm" already. I can't say I've had anxiety since the day I started them. I know it's going to be at least 2 weeks before I start to feel anything significant but I hope this beginning is the start of good things to come. I haven't had any of the initial side effects that I've had when beginning medication over the first few days before either, "fingers cross".
I still feel very nervous of speaking though. The sensation of my throat moving when I speak makes me feel all chokey and I have to keep pausing and swallowing. My main worry is that this won't go and I will end up a "quieter" person than I really am!
Anyway, I'm looking on the positive side of things and hope all that does eventually get better too!
Thanks to you all for your support this far and see the ones that go on chat soon!
Mark xx
nomorepanic
07-04-05, 19:08
Mark
Glad to hear that you are doing well. Keep us posted ok!
Nicola
hi mark,
Glad to hear your feeling a little bit better, just keep thinking those thoughts, not the other ones. You may have heard i now have a job in the pub forum's Bakery, the speciality is cream egg croissants look forward to seeing u in pub to try one,
good to see u getting back on track keep positive, my eye had stopped twitching till i saw your post so there you go LOL.
catch u later beardy
kairen x
Hi Mark
Thats all good news about your new medication heh?
Keep positive, you 'll do well.
Take care.
Florence. x
**See the world more as what it is, less as what you are.**
hi Mark,
Glad to hear that you are feeling an improvement!! Keep up the good work.
Sarah :D
Glad you are feeling a little better with the medication Mark.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Mark
That is great and i hope it carries on for you. Best of luck mate. Keep us informed of how you are getting on.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Mark,
Thats brill news. Hope you continue to feel calm.
Take care
Love PIP'S X
Wow look at all these posts. What great people. Thank you!
I will post an update in a few more days when I'm a bit more "cipralexed".
Still. fingers crossed!
Mark xxx
Good luck Mark and look forward to hearing how you are getting on.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Mark
Glad to hear you're on the up :D, keep us updated with how things are going.
Take care
Tracy
x
<UPDATE> Day 10 of Cipralex
Over the past 3 days I've started to notice a difference with the biggest improvement yesterday. My symptoms have changed somewhat from 3 months ago. I now seem to have a fear of speaking but when I speak my throat is now more relaxed and doesn't feel so uncomfortable. I've also stopped working my tongue backwards and forwards at the back of my throat so that's another plus. One thing that did happen tonight, I was sitting there playing a computer game and thought of something that I wanted to say to my mum who was in the same room, the thought of having to use my throat to speak gave me about a 3 second feeling of being petrified. In that 3 second feeling all this went through my mind.... "oh god I have to speak and it's going to make my throat feel horrible, what if I feel this sort of fear for the rest of my life, will I always have to try and cope with this for the rest of my life and be conciously bothered about every word I speak? Will it cause me to wretch if it does feel uncomfortable again?"
After that, I spoke to my mum and my throat felt OK. I'm just wondering if I've entered that stage where the pills are causing a bit more anxiety before they settle down. I remember feeling quite jittery for a month to six weeks when first taking citalopram. After this feeling tonight I thought "don't dwell on it" and I feel relatively OK again. I'm also finding that things that aren't really a big deal are causing me short, sharp bouts of anxiety. One of those is a laptop I bought 2 months ago which has developed a fault, I sent it back for repair, received it back today with the same fault and I feel dread at having it looming over me to sort it out. Someone is calling me tomorrow about it which again means I have to speak for a while on the phone which feels like a HUGE mountain when I'm sure it'll just be a tiny mole hill.
Other than that I think "things" are starting to get better. I'm hoping in a few more weeks the pills will have settled down and I feel much more able to cope.
Thanks for listening to my waffle once again!
Mark xx
Hi Mark
That is great reading and well done you. Hope tomorrow goes okay and you carry on to feel the benefits.
Take care.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
<Update> Day 15 of Cipralex
Hi all...
Since I started the Cipralex I've been taking 2mg of diazepam 3 times a day as directed by my GP. I have tapered that to just 2 a day from yesterday which caused a "blip". I took my 5mg of Cipralex and 2mg of diazepam as usual at 10am and then didn't have another diazepam until 9pm. About 15 minutes before I took it I started to feel a horrible panic which of course was directed straight at my throat. Strangely my heart rate didn't increase but I was feeling horribly scared.
Today I'm feeling a bit down and still scared and just feel sick of fighting this. I just want to stop thinking about my throat but it constantly feels crappy and I just feel scared and uneasy most of the time. I would love a life back because this isn't living, this is existing.
I keep driving myself with the positive thought that it WILL go but it's been 4 months now and the longer it goes on, the more it is starting to feel like a permanent feature. I'd like to think that one day I could go back to work but with the way I feel, only on a good day dare I even brave the shops.
Not too sure what to expect next nor what to do for that matter. I have an appointment for a CBT assessment on the 23rd of May but then my wait is most likely to be anywhere within the region of a year like the last time I had CBT.
*sigh* any comments welcome...
Mark x
Hi Mark
Sorry you are feeling like you are going to be stuck in this same place, but you wont hun. It is early days and you do feel like you are existing rather than living, but you will come through this. You know it isnt easy and on good days you can focus a bit more positively.
The tablets should start to work soon and hope the side affects lessen and give you a chance to try and move forward. We will all help you and please dont despair as you will get your life back.
Take care.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Awww bless you Sal thank you.
I AM a lot better than the first 2 months and have definitely over the last 4 or 5 days started to feel a bit braver. I think last nights "blip" has left me feeling a bit disappointed and unnerved but I know I shouldn't let it.
I guess with one of these sorts of days, you don't remember how bad you intially felt and that you do get through them. I'm definitely a big believer in time being a healer, I just feel concerned at how long I've had off work(even though they seem ok about it) and how long the healing process is going to go on for.
Anyway.... on with the positive thoughts and brave face!
Thanks again Sal,
Mark x
Hi Mark
It does knock you of balance a bit when you have a rough day or night and like you say we tend to forget how bad we did originally feel at the start.
So lets both on those bad days remember that and look at the progress we have made. In time you will get back to work, but until then you concentrate on getting yourself better and you will start living again rather than existing.
You are getting better and the odd blip wont push you back, just a gentle reminder that it can be a slow process but worth it in the end.
Take care mate.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
hi Mark,
hope your day got a bit better and sorry to hear u had a bad night, try not to focus on one bad night, as you say you have felt better lately, there is no over night cure as you know but just try and think about how far you have come, you will get back to your old self one day but try not to worry about that for now, we all have bad days but it makes you appreciate the good ones, I would say im about 95% there and i dont let the bad days worry me now as everyone has them i have found great strength in this site, i.ve had more answers here than in all my many visits to the docs, and i read them over and over till i actually believe it, sorry to babble just want you to realise that you will get there with lots of positive thoughts you have to believe it xxx take care hun xxx
kairen x
Well, on Monday it will be my 4th week on Cipralex. On Tuesday when I've seen my GP I will move from 5mg to 10mg and see how things go. I haven't been TOO bad over the past week and a half. I went for a ride with my mum last night to take my sister home which was about a 20 min either way journey, this was at about 10pm. I really enjoyed it and felt "OK" so on the way back we stopped off at the big tesco's for a few bits. I got in there and felt ok for the first 10 minutes but I swallowed a bit hard with my throat tensed and felt a bit of a retching feeling. My heart started to race and I looked at my mum and she said "no you can stop that, you'll be fine, breath!" (she's been a sufferer of anixety all her life too so knows exactly what it's like). I became a bit short with her and wanted her to tell me what we needed so I could quickly concentrate on getting them and get to the check out. My heart racing had slowed down but I still felt very uneasy. I got to the bread section and someone there spoke to me saying something like "there isn't much choice tonight is there" and it almost sort of snapped me out of it and I laughed and said "no there isn't is there!". I'm pretty certain that I haven't got a social phobia, more the fear of vomitting in public due to my nervous throat. I felt a bit disappointed when I got home and looked back at how I'd let myself get anxious, it almost felt like I'd taken a little step back and still felt a bit helpless but then I haven't been out for a few weeks so I guess I did "OK". My mum told me not to be so hard on myself and that I got through and am still here.
I'm pretty sure since the beginning I've come SUCH a long way and the Cipralex are a major help. I am weaning off the valium too from 2 x 2mg pills a day to only 1 x 2mg currently and last night was the first night I hadn't taken my evening pill so maybe that could have contributed to my small bout of anxiety in tescos. I'm finding that improvements have slowed down quite a bit and I am still having days where I'm very concious of my throat and that it feels uncomfortable. Then again I guess some days we all can have a bit of a dry/thick throat but we don't concentrate on it because it happens! I sadly do and make it a lot worse by working it and tensing it.
I'm hoping that slowly introducing the Cipralex will allow the step to 10mg be fairly side effectless, I never felt any side effects when starting them so hopefully I will be ok with the increase in doseage and it will further help me to concentrate on doing normal things and feeling better. I'd love to get back to work in the not too distant future and they are being really good about my time off (4 months so far).
I'd like to thank everyone on here for your help, support and suggestions so far, it's been and I'm sure will carry on to be such a huge help to me and I'm eternally grateful. So MANY THANKS!
Regards,
Mark xx
Glad you're starting to feel a bit braver . Make use of this to get out and about a bit more.
Next time you decide to taper the diazepam try to go slower ie 2 mg in am , 1 mg at MD and 2 mg in evening for a week and then 1, 1, 2 etc not drop one altogether suddenly, as you are now used to having them.
I hope you've been keeping a journal so you can look back and read about just how much progress you've made ..
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Well done on your progress Mark. You are doing well.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Mark
Great news and can see that you arent letting it slow you down and you are getting out and trying to move forward.
Hope this carries on for you as you are doing really well and it is great to read how well you are doing.
Take care and hope to hear more from you soon.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
You seem to be progressing really well Mark - well done!! :D
Thanks for your advise Meg, I will bear that in mind for the future. Also thanks to everyone elses posts for the votes of confidence!
I'm not having a brill day today but I've had a friend round and am about to watch some TV and am not giving into it! :D
Regards,
Mark xx
Great Mark. Well done for keeping on with usual activities despite not feeling so good.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
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