daleo717
20-05-08, 05:51
Hi--I found this site while looking online about panick attacks. I am a 54 yr old female. I started getting panick attacks about 12-13 yrs ago. When they first started happening I thought I was going crazy. Before I had them, I had a lot of pain in my back, herniated disks etc. and suffered from lack of sleep for about 6 mths. I also had depression due to a bad marriage and being a single parent to my two sons. I also witnessed many childhood abuses and both parents were alcoholics, in fact most of the people in my life were alcoholics, so there wasnt much of a support system in place in my life. I do not drink or do drugs or smoke.
The onset was fast and happened suddenly while driving in a car with my ex husband. My panick attacks progressed to the point of having maybe 3 a day----it carrried over into all parts of my life, I was scared to go on buses, cars, over bridges, out when it was dark, I could not even close the door of the bathroom or close the shower curtain--I ended up having severe claustrophobia with the panick.....everything scared me, even eventually going to sleep scared me....I was such a mess------I was diagnosed with panick attack disorder. I thought I was in Hell and trapped there forever. No one understood me either--its hard to explain to people, that have never had or experienced panick attacks.
Finally my Dr. told me of a panick attack clinic at UBC. It was free. so I decided to go, and what an ordeal to get there. I had to take the bus cause I didnt have a car, but I was terrified on the bus, so I would get off and on the bus, panicking all over the city trying to get there. It was hot outside and that made me feel worse-----My Dr. had given me some valium that I would take in small dosages to help me stay calm--this didnt help me much trying to get to my first appt. Finally I got to the University Hospital where my appt was---as soon as went thru the doors, I was terrified, severe claustrophobia--oh yes I also feared Dr's offices, and hospitals. I was breathing heavy as I walked down the hallway-------I made it to the receptionist and felt panicky waiting for my appt. When I was called into the room, and therapost closed the door, I thought the room was closing in on me------i was in a bad way for sure---I kept taking small amts of valium just to be able to sit in the room, and even that was hard--but I made it.
I went to therapy, one-on- one for several weeks. I found out that one can recover from panick disorder. I had to do a series of things each week, starting with facing my fears, from the lowest level to the highest level of fear. It was very hard work, but I was at my rock bottom and I had to do it no matter what. The first thing I had to do was practice laying in bed an covering my head with the blanket--that was so hard, I would do it for ten seconds then longer, next I had to sit in a closet and close the door, stay in there for 5 minutes--boy was that hard---each thing I had to do was for one week....one week I had to go downtown and ride the elvevators for one hr--oh my that was so hard, but I did it............needless to say, after about 6mth to one year I was about 98 percent recovered. I went on to start my own business and also take ballroom dance lessons. I was able to go on elevators, buses, cars and be in enclosed rooms, sometimes a few places would make me uncomfortable but I was ok.
In 2003 I fell down some stairs and had a full blown panick attack when I landed---I was alright for several mths after that, although I was crippled and couldnt walk and went into a bad depression. I finally started going to therapy for walking and built myself up and was able to walk again. Then I started having panick attack issues again---I was in Mall one day and the fire alarm went off and everyone starting running and I totally freaked out----I could not get home for 6 hrs after that, I was scared to take the bus, to take a cab, I felt like I was from another planet--it was horrible. I tried calling everywhere for help but no one helped me---so I decided to give myself small amounts of valiam, to stop the catrostrophic thoughts--they took over my brain for about one week--it was summer and very very hot out--I was scared of the heat. So I decided to lay out in the sun each day so I would see that the heat could not hurt me--this helped very much. I slowly started to recover from the panicking, it took about a mth. I also went back to the panick attack clinic for a brusher up...this seemed to help. The Dr. said it was ok for me to take small doses of valium from time to time to keep me calm--this seems to really help.
Recently I have had to put my Mom in home against her will--she now hates me---told me horrible things etc. I had to go to the hospital to see her social work who was on the 5th floor. I could not go into the elevator, so decided to take the stairwell, one flight at a time------I get panicky in stairwells at times--well by the time I got to the third floor I was panicky---I continued to the 4th flloor and there was no door---that did it ---I freaked right out thinnking I was stuck in the stairwell all alone---all I could do was continue upward----I made it to the 5th floor, and there was no one on the floor--------i was fully panicking now---------I found the social worker, and told him of my ordeal, he gave me water and I barely made it thru the meeting------he walked me down the stairwell and outside--I was so glad to get outside. Now since that I have relapsed into panick----mostly on buses. It has not yet carried over into all aspects of my life but I fear it will. I am waiting to see a psychiatrist to talk, and my Dr. refused to give me valiam to help keep me calm. I have only a few left. She is a different Dr. then the one, I had before. So I am searching for any information I can to help me. I am trying to face my fears, even went back in a stairwell, which was soooo hard to do. I have to take the buses 6 days a week, and finally just quit my job, cause I can't go on them much now. So that is my story. Panick is hard, and I know it's catrostrophic thinking etc. but its hard when that is where you are at etc. But I do know now, what I didnt know originally, that you can recover from it......and that highly creative people get them, so that makes me feel better. I am waiting for my appts. and I hope to find a good therapist now.
The onset was fast and happened suddenly while driving in a car with my ex husband. My panick attacks progressed to the point of having maybe 3 a day----it carrried over into all parts of my life, I was scared to go on buses, cars, over bridges, out when it was dark, I could not even close the door of the bathroom or close the shower curtain--I ended up having severe claustrophobia with the panick.....everything scared me, even eventually going to sleep scared me....I was such a mess------I was diagnosed with panick attack disorder. I thought I was in Hell and trapped there forever. No one understood me either--its hard to explain to people, that have never had or experienced panick attacks.
Finally my Dr. told me of a panick attack clinic at UBC. It was free. so I decided to go, and what an ordeal to get there. I had to take the bus cause I didnt have a car, but I was terrified on the bus, so I would get off and on the bus, panicking all over the city trying to get there. It was hot outside and that made me feel worse-----My Dr. had given me some valium that I would take in small dosages to help me stay calm--this didnt help me much trying to get to my first appt. Finally I got to the University Hospital where my appt was---as soon as went thru the doors, I was terrified, severe claustrophobia--oh yes I also feared Dr's offices, and hospitals. I was breathing heavy as I walked down the hallway-------I made it to the receptionist and felt panicky waiting for my appt. When I was called into the room, and therapost closed the door, I thought the room was closing in on me------i was in a bad way for sure---I kept taking small amts of valium just to be able to sit in the room, and even that was hard--but I made it.
I went to therapy, one-on- one for several weeks. I found out that one can recover from panick disorder. I had to do a series of things each week, starting with facing my fears, from the lowest level to the highest level of fear. It was very hard work, but I was at my rock bottom and I had to do it no matter what. The first thing I had to do was practice laying in bed an covering my head with the blanket--that was so hard, I would do it for ten seconds then longer, next I had to sit in a closet and close the door, stay in there for 5 minutes--boy was that hard---each thing I had to do was for one week....one week I had to go downtown and ride the elvevators for one hr--oh my that was so hard, but I did it............needless to say, after about 6mth to one year I was about 98 percent recovered. I went on to start my own business and also take ballroom dance lessons. I was able to go on elevators, buses, cars and be in enclosed rooms, sometimes a few places would make me uncomfortable but I was ok.
In 2003 I fell down some stairs and had a full blown panick attack when I landed---I was alright for several mths after that, although I was crippled and couldnt walk and went into a bad depression. I finally started going to therapy for walking and built myself up and was able to walk again. Then I started having panick attack issues again---I was in Mall one day and the fire alarm went off and everyone starting running and I totally freaked out----I could not get home for 6 hrs after that, I was scared to take the bus, to take a cab, I felt like I was from another planet--it was horrible. I tried calling everywhere for help but no one helped me---so I decided to give myself small amounts of valiam, to stop the catrostrophic thoughts--they took over my brain for about one week--it was summer and very very hot out--I was scared of the heat. So I decided to lay out in the sun each day so I would see that the heat could not hurt me--this helped very much. I slowly started to recover from the panicking, it took about a mth. I also went back to the panick attack clinic for a brusher up...this seemed to help. The Dr. said it was ok for me to take small doses of valium from time to time to keep me calm--this seems to really help.
Recently I have had to put my Mom in home against her will--she now hates me---told me horrible things etc. I had to go to the hospital to see her social work who was on the 5th floor. I could not go into the elevator, so decided to take the stairwell, one flight at a time------I get panicky in stairwells at times--well by the time I got to the third floor I was panicky---I continued to the 4th flloor and there was no door---that did it ---I freaked right out thinnking I was stuck in the stairwell all alone---all I could do was continue upward----I made it to the 5th floor, and there was no one on the floor--------i was fully panicking now---------I found the social worker, and told him of my ordeal, he gave me water and I barely made it thru the meeting------he walked me down the stairwell and outside--I was so glad to get outside. Now since that I have relapsed into panick----mostly on buses. It has not yet carried over into all aspects of my life but I fear it will. I am waiting to see a psychiatrist to talk, and my Dr. refused to give me valiam to help keep me calm. I have only a few left. She is a different Dr. then the one, I had before. So I am searching for any information I can to help me. I am trying to face my fears, even went back in a stairwell, which was soooo hard to do. I have to take the buses 6 days a week, and finally just quit my job, cause I can't go on them much now. So that is my story. Panick is hard, and I know it's catrostrophic thinking etc. but its hard when that is where you are at etc. But I do know now, what I didnt know originally, that you can recover from it......and that highly creative people get them, so that makes me feel better. I am waiting for my appts. and I hope to find a good therapist now.