Sheenbean000
20-05-08, 06:21
HEY!:)
I am a 22 year old happy go lucky beautiful person (might sound self centered haha) anyways, I come from a loving caring happy home never having anyone close to me die..not even grand parents. At age 8 I walked in to find my aunties and family sitting around the table and they all were crying and telling me that my mother had cancer. To me, I didn't know what cancer was or death was. For 2 years I was with my mother watching her progressively get sicker...not understanding that she might die. I was in the hospital by her side watching her lose her hair, have sezures, cry in pain, have canker sores...u name it! I saw her go through it...I had to help her have baths because she was so weak. August 9th 1997 my mother died. I was 11 years old and in sooo much shock that I'd grow up without her. Soon after my dad met a younger woman who had a 5 year old son 2 years later my step brother got hit by a drunk driver and was killed and I was there at the scene of the accident. Soon after that my dad divorced. I went to the doctor for a check up and came home and my dad asked why I went and I didn't wanna tell him because it was a paps smere. He asked if I had an std and I said no and he said" well, better be careful, everyone has std's even if they look fine, they do" and he went on about std's I was like whatever...but I took his advice. Finally at 19 I was moving to a city and when I was moving my dad told me that the city I am moving to is number one capital of std's and to be careful cause if I am not I could get aids. So whatever I was careful...then I started working with a girl who always came to work with a story about how she slept around with random different guys...I asked her if she wore condoms and she said no and then I asked her if she had an std she said she had Herpes and Genital Warts...I was FREAKED! I thought, my dad was sooo right! so I swore id get every guy tested before i slept with them and I looked up symptoms of std's and hiv...well, I got raped soon after...I FREAKED OUT! I didnt even charge him (stupid) I went and got tested right away...for 2 weeks I freaked out soooo bad...turned out I got clamydia from the jerk..suddenly things got a little stressful, I felt I had HIV! I couldn't eat, sleep, LIVE I got sooo sick finally I went to the doctor and got tested and it came back negative...so that reasurred me for a bit...then I thought NO the symptoms might not have shown in the tests yet! for 6 months I was sick with the symptoms...finally I joined an anxiety group...which helped me reasure myself that it's my anxiety causing me this grief...but, I still cannot get around it! I look up herpes to calm myself down so I know that I don't have the symptoms...but then I become obsessive...checking my body..any little body sensation I automatically think that it's herpes...I calm myself down by telling myself it's just my anxiety...then the symptoms go away for a while...then I get a little more stressed out and think that I have herpes again...it's a constant battle that goes on with myself...back and forth! "no...it's your anxieties" "but, the symptoms say that herpes outbreak happen when u are stressed out!" I hate it! Do u think that due to my past experiences is the reason why I am so obsessive? HELP haha I hate this!:doh:
I am a 22 year old happy go lucky beautiful person (might sound self centered haha) anyways, I come from a loving caring happy home never having anyone close to me die..not even grand parents. At age 8 I walked in to find my aunties and family sitting around the table and they all were crying and telling me that my mother had cancer. To me, I didn't know what cancer was or death was. For 2 years I was with my mother watching her progressively get sicker...not understanding that she might die. I was in the hospital by her side watching her lose her hair, have sezures, cry in pain, have canker sores...u name it! I saw her go through it...I had to help her have baths because she was so weak. August 9th 1997 my mother died. I was 11 years old and in sooo much shock that I'd grow up without her. Soon after my dad met a younger woman who had a 5 year old son 2 years later my step brother got hit by a drunk driver and was killed and I was there at the scene of the accident. Soon after that my dad divorced. I went to the doctor for a check up and came home and my dad asked why I went and I didn't wanna tell him because it was a paps smere. He asked if I had an std and I said no and he said" well, better be careful, everyone has std's even if they look fine, they do" and he went on about std's I was like whatever...but I took his advice. Finally at 19 I was moving to a city and when I was moving my dad told me that the city I am moving to is number one capital of std's and to be careful cause if I am not I could get aids. So whatever I was careful...then I started working with a girl who always came to work with a story about how she slept around with random different guys...I asked her if she wore condoms and she said no and then I asked her if she had an std she said she had Herpes and Genital Warts...I was FREAKED! I thought, my dad was sooo right! so I swore id get every guy tested before i slept with them and I looked up symptoms of std's and hiv...well, I got raped soon after...I FREAKED OUT! I didnt even charge him (stupid) I went and got tested right away...for 2 weeks I freaked out soooo bad...turned out I got clamydia from the jerk..suddenly things got a little stressful, I felt I had HIV! I couldn't eat, sleep, LIVE I got sooo sick finally I went to the doctor and got tested and it came back negative...so that reasurred me for a bit...then I thought NO the symptoms might not have shown in the tests yet! for 6 months I was sick with the symptoms...finally I joined an anxiety group...which helped me reasure myself that it's my anxiety causing me this grief...but, I still cannot get around it! I look up herpes to calm myself down so I know that I don't have the symptoms...but then I become obsessive...checking my body..any little body sensation I automatically think that it's herpes...I calm myself down by telling myself it's just my anxiety...then the symptoms go away for a while...then I get a little more stressed out and think that I have herpes again...it's a constant battle that goes on with myself...back and forth! "no...it's your anxieties" "but, the symptoms say that herpes outbreak happen when u are stressed out!" I hate it! Do u think that due to my past experiences is the reason why I am so obsessive? HELP haha I hate this!:doh: