Zingara
21-05-08, 10:29
Hello,
I've only been on this site for about six weeks and I've already gone on so much I'm scared people will get sick of me! I just wondered, am I the only one who finds the mornings UNBEARABLE? I wake up every day in a cold sweat and with my heart racing and my mouth dry, then I usually have to go to the loo several times in the first hour of being awake. I feel upset, anxious and tearful. I haven't even managed to get dressed yet. I've talked to people about this and they say, 'Oh, the secret is to get up and get on with your day, keep yourself busy.' Well, I'd like nothing better, but I have so many unwanted physical symptoms in the morning it's rare I can get anything much done before lunchtime. Every morning I wake up and there it is, the churning stomach, the missed heartbeats, the overbreathing. It's often lunchtime before I get away from the bathroom, never mind getting on with things!
I have tried getting back to work, but that resulted in my having a full blown panic attack, and then crying and shaking in front of everyone. I've just had to learn not to care what people think! But I've gone from being respected as being really good at my job to having people think I'm crazy. This illness is certainly teaching me a lot about learning to let go of my pride!
I'd love to 'get up and get on', but I simply can't...generally speaking, the evening is the best part of my day, because I have company and I find it easier to relax, but lately my mornings have got so nasty that I start worrying about it the night before, and so gradually they take over the whole day. If my morning panic is really bad sometimes I don't calm down properly all day. I really do feel bad about this, I can't see an end to it, it just seems to go on and on. I'm 29, which I know isn't old, but sometimes I really don't feel like going on. I'm not suicidal, but sometimes I feel as though I wouldn't much care if I didn't wake up. As I've discussed on other posts, I had a major operation late last year, and in my darkest moments I feel it would have been better if I had just drifted away under the anaesthetic. I know that sounds bad and maybe I don't really mean it, it's just that things have been so awful since and they just don't seem to get any better.
Sorry to be negative, I shall have to make a big effort and say to myself that things are going to get better!
I've only been on this site for about six weeks and I've already gone on so much I'm scared people will get sick of me! I just wondered, am I the only one who finds the mornings UNBEARABLE? I wake up every day in a cold sweat and with my heart racing and my mouth dry, then I usually have to go to the loo several times in the first hour of being awake. I feel upset, anxious and tearful. I haven't even managed to get dressed yet. I've talked to people about this and they say, 'Oh, the secret is to get up and get on with your day, keep yourself busy.' Well, I'd like nothing better, but I have so many unwanted physical symptoms in the morning it's rare I can get anything much done before lunchtime. Every morning I wake up and there it is, the churning stomach, the missed heartbeats, the overbreathing. It's often lunchtime before I get away from the bathroom, never mind getting on with things!
I have tried getting back to work, but that resulted in my having a full blown panic attack, and then crying and shaking in front of everyone. I've just had to learn not to care what people think! But I've gone from being respected as being really good at my job to having people think I'm crazy. This illness is certainly teaching me a lot about learning to let go of my pride!
I'd love to 'get up and get on', but I simply can't...generally speaking, the evening is the best part of my day, because I have company and I find it easier to relax, but lately my mornings have got so nasty that I start worrying about it the night before, and so gradually they take over the whole day. If my morning panic is really bad sometimes I don't calm down properly all day. I really do feel bad about this, I can't see an end to it, it just seems to go on and on. I'm 29, which I know isn't old, but sometimes I really don't feel like going on. I'm not suicidal, but sometimes I feel as though I wouldn't much care if I didn't wake up. As I've discussed on other posts, I had a major operation late last year, and in my darkest moments I feel it would have been better if I had just drifted away under the anaesthetic. I know that sounds bad and maybe I don't really mean it, it's just that things have been so awful since and they just don't seem to get any better.
Sorry to be negative, I shall have to make a big effort and say to myself that things are going to get better!