Hello

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

Hi everyone, my name is Wayne and I suffer from panic attacks and agrophobia and i am an alcoholic, 6 Weeks ago I went to my GP seeking help and refered me to an NHS alcohol unit which I went to my first assesment appointment Tuesday 20th.
In about 3 Weeks it looks like I will have to go into Hospital to be de-toxed, I will be sedated etc. Pretty scary stuff.
It has come to a point where I have to have a couple of glasses of drink before I can walk out of the front door.
Its a massive task just going down to the local shop, I have to pluck up courage for about an hour first!
The guy I saw Tuesday was the first person that was very understanding, normaly when you see a GP about drinking they sit back in there chair and fold there arms and preach!
I have tried to stop on my own before and the syptoms are evil.
Anyway, if anyone suffers from the same, would be nice to talk about it with someone else.
Sorry if my spelling is rubish, tried the spell check and won't work, spelling is not my strongest thing.

Wayne

[milly jones]

hey wayne, welcome hun

i suffer from anxiety and social phobia, so i do understand the going out bit too.

sorry i dont have any experience of drink problems, but im more than willing to talk about it.

hey dont worry bout spelling hun, we all understand, its more important that ur here with us

millyxxx

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

Thanks Milly for the reply,
Drink problem is not pleasant, I hate myself, I am happily married and I need to sort it not just for my sake, but also my Wife who is a diamond.

I'm glad I stumbled across this forum, its comforting to know I am not the only one who struggles to open the door and step outside!

Wayne

[kellie]

hiya wayne :welcome: to nmp its lovely to have you here :D . you will get lots of support/advice/reasurance and make some great friends along the way. can i just say well done for going to your doc and starting urself on the road to recovery with you drinking problem. excessive drink while haveing panic/anxiety will only escalate the attacks and the symptoms so you are deffo doing the right thing. i imagine detox can be quiet scary my brother in law went through it, but your determination can get you through.
plz dont worry about spelling mistakes you aint seen me in the chat room yet im notorious for it :roflmao: .
take care.

kellie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

Hi Kellie,
Thanks for the reply,
Yes, I guess spelling is the least of my worries at the moment!

I guess most of you are the same, I HATE going to GP or Hospital, I sweat and I normaly have to wait outside and get my Wife to call me in when it's my turn.
I'm sacred of heights, I have to take valium to get on a plane, I am prescribed beta blockers but I have not been taking them while I drink in case they clash.
I was on anti depressants before but it ruined my sex life so I stopped.
I am terrified about going to Hospital and being sedated as I am worried I wont know who I am, where I live and being escorted to the loo! I am really scared, but I know I have to do it.

[kellie]

hiya wayne. why dont you ring the hospital and ask them what you can exspect and how much of a sadation you will be under. when my bro in law was in his clinic my sister was able to visit him dailey but im not sure how your hospital works. he wasnt under heavey sedation and he was able to sit and talk to her pretty much ok. i wish you all the best and remember this is the start of a new life for you and you lovely wife. you can do this and will be very glad you did when its over. sometimes we have to climb mountains to see the lovely blue, sky but its always lovely to see.
love and happines

kellie.xxxxxxxxx

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

Thanks Kellie,
The thing is I think they have to basicly "Knock you out" as the withdrawel symptoms are so bad.
You probably already know about them, they include:
Heavy sweating, shaking (almost to the point of having a fit), lack of sleep, Nightmares (when you do manage to sleep) seeing things, hearing things, flashing colours on the walls!, thinking a dream was reality, bad stomach etc etc. really bad, so I can understand if they need to knock me out.
The specialist said I may be able to detox at home, but the problem is my Wife works full time and I need supervision.



Wayne

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

Edited Post.

[thevoicewithinme]

Hello Wayne and welcome to NMP.

I suffer with panic attacks, and I am agoraphobic too...I do go out, but only if someone is with me.

I am not an alcoholic, but my dad was/is...I say was because although he no longer drinks in excess, they say that even when cured you always are. I do drink though, but because of my dad I am very aware of what could happen to me, and I really don't want that...but on saying that, I do drink most nights and I find that when I have been drinking I feel 'normal' and have even gone for a walk before now after a drink with no one with me...which I cant normally do...but like others have said, god do I suffer the next day. My anxiety levels are so high the following morning, and I struggle to function normally, well whatever is normal for me I mean.

Another member on here and I have just agreed that we are both going to cut down on the drink, by helping each other (Im not going to mention no names, but they know who they are) as I know the they too are worried that they will become dependent, and neither of us want that.

I am sure that you will find lots of useful advice on here and also get to make lots of new friends too, who truly understand how you feel.

Kaz

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

Thanks Kaz for the reply,
It is so easy to become dependant on drink, believe me, it is VERY easy, more so when you suffer the same as me.
I just had to make a phone call to the garage to get my Wifes car booked in as it is playing up at the moment, It takes me at least half an Hour to pluck up the courage to make a call.

I am sure many here feel the same, when the phone rings or the door knocks, you run to the bedroom or somewhere else away from it, that is how I am.

Wayne

[thevoicewithinme]

Wayne I used to be just like that, when I was first this way.

When my daughter was born 19 years ago, I got post-natal depression and panic attacks, but got no help and it snowballed so much that I ended up agoraphobic, and for 7 years I was housebound. They were the worst years of my life, I was so bad that I couldn't open the front door and I couldn't even bear to have windows open. I eventually managed to conquer it, by taking little steps day by day. Unfortunately, though, I now cannot remember the first 7 years of my daughter life, and 7 years of her older brothers lives either...I have been told that it's the brains way of coping with bad experiences.

For 12 years I led a 'normal' life, would have the odd panic attack here and there, but they never stopped me from going out etc. I did so much in those 12 years...I took my motorcycle test, I passed my car test, I also had three more children. I have travelled a lot too, but about 4 months ago now, my panic attacks returned and this time, and wish i knew why, they have turned me back into being agoraphobic. I know I am not as bad as last time because I can go out, but not on my own.

I guess what I am saying to you is that even though you find it hard to open the door etc now, even make phone calls...there is light at the end of the tunnel, I know, because I beat it once before. Yes, I know it can be a long long tunnel, but you, like me and the rest of us here, will get there.

Kaz

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

I think the drinking problem needs to be addressed with me first, its quite a serious stage, I wake up about 6.30 - 7 am and to stop my shakes I have to have a drink, it nearly makes me sick doing it but it is only to stop the shakes.

My Wife is so supporting, but obviosly it is affecting her, but I am placid as they come, I am not voilent and I can still chat to my 14 Year Old step-son about the Universe and stuff, so I have not completely lost it yet! LOL

The Alcohol unit guy said I can't stop dead without help, it can cause fits, brain damage or I could die by doing that! Had to wait 6 Weeks for that appointment, now I have to wait another 3 or so Weeks, I still have to drink to stop me from being very Ill or worse.

Also with the agrophobia its just s**t really. All through the Day I can't stop shaking, I have 3 step kids, but I dont let them see me drink, but my Wife has said to the 2 boys about me, they are 14 & 16, they understand, the youngest, Girl of 12 is too young to understand at the moment.

My Mum and step Dad both drunk, I was abused by my step dad (meaning beaten the s**t out of) I was in a Childrens Home at the age of 7, My Wife was abused by her alcoholic Father, he was a voilent Man, he died from drink at the age of 47.

Wayne

[kellie]

hiya wayne it looks like you are going to be out through the paces at this detox and all my thoughts will be with you during this time. yes it will be a struggle for you at the start, but surley things can only get better if you can combat it ( and i know you can ). you only need to look at all them lovely pics on your site of you and your little family to see all the reason you need to do this. take back control and live your life to the fullest with your lovely wife and kids at your side. when you come out of ur detox i think you should then address the other issues about ur stepdad and mom by asking ur doc to refer you to a good counseller.dont delay do it asap to help keep you on track with things. talking about things realy helps. i also was brought up by a drug addictive alcoholic mother and i know how much it can affect your adult life as well as your childhood.
keep posting about what ever is on your mind and we will help and support you as much as we can.
take care.

kellie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Lindalou64]

Hello Wayne And Welcome...i Wish You Well Through Your Recovery, Myself Depended On A Drink "drinks" When I First Became Agraphobic 19 Yrs Back ,i Have Been Sober For 15 Yrs Now And Recovered Agraphobic, Yes It Is Hard But Can Be Done , Sounds Like You Have A Wonderful Family And I Do Wish You All Much Happiness........linda

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

Thanks Linda,
The Guy from the Alcohol unit rung me a while ago, and when we had the assement meeting, I had a choice of Home or Hospital detox, I said we prefer Home as I can't bear the thought of being away from my Wife, we are so close and sinse we have been together (over 2 1/2 Years) we have not spent a Night appart.
Even the Night before our Wedding we stayed here together.

He said I will be at Hospital 7 - 10 Days and heavily sedated.

Congrats Linda on being sober for 15 Years, thats Fab news.

Its one Day at a time, and I notice you are in the USA, here on the NHS its wait, wait , wait.
My Wife said if we had the money she would put me in a private care.
But sadly we are skint, I can't work at the moment.

I am looking forward to getting better, but I am not looking forward to being away from my darling Wife for over a Week, she is my rock!

Wayne

[Lilith1980]

Hi Wayne

Welcome to NMP :)

You made such an important first step in going to your GP so you should be really proud of yourself. You and your wife look really nice in your wedding photo, I'm getting married in 3 months so weddings send me all gooey at the moment lol :)

Your wife sounds really supportive, so I'm sure you'll both get through this.

You'll get plenty of advice and support in here too.

Jo xxxxx

[SmokeyJo]

Hi Wayne,

Good luck for the hospital stay, I have worked in alcohol/drug rehab units and I can reassure you that you will be fine. I don't know whether you've ever had a tooth removed at the dentist sedated or anything but the feeling is actually very pleasent and it will give your nerves a rest! Look at the positives, you are so lucky to have such a lovely wife I have a supportive partner and he deserves a medal with my repetitive seeking reassurance etc!! You are making the best desision of your life and thi is the start of things to come!! Please keep us posted on your progress! Don't worry about the toilet/ not knowing where you are thing because you will be lovely and relaxed with no anxiety at all!! I have worked with many, many people who have de toxed this way and it is by far the best way X

[never2late]

Good luck Wayne and welcome to the forum. I'm coming in a little late with my welcome since I'm in the states and it is just getting into mid-morning here now.

Both my mother and father were lifetime alcoholics. My father was 62 years old when I was born. I do not touch alcohol myself. I am starting to think that they would drink to self-medicate -- so I'm starting to understand, although both of them have passed years ago (my mother died in 1968!).

I wish you the best. Loved your wedding web site -- and I hope that you will find this to be a positive step for you. I'll be thinking about you, so please stay in touch via the forum and let us all know how you're getting on.

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

Thank you all for your kind comments, it is much appreciated.

Even though my Wife is very supportive, it's still very difficult for her to cope with.

I'm just scared, I'm the biggest Male wimp that walked the Earth! LOL

I will certainly keep you posted on my progress.

Wayne

[Southern_Belle]

Hi Wayne,

A huge welcome to NMP. You are taking a very brave step to detox and I congratulate you. I think it is best that you are going to the hospital so that you can focus on you getting better. I would hope you will also get some counseling. You will walk out of there a new man! Sometimes we need to do a painful thing such as being away from your wife to turn our lives around. Think about how wonderful your homecoming will be! I do wish you luck and look forward to reading about your success story when you return. Until then, we are here to support you in any way that we can.

Many hugs,

Laura

[chalky]

Hi Wayne,

Welcome to the Forum.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

You will get loads of support and advice here.
I am an alcoholic.
I have been sober for nine years now,one day at a time.
Good lick with the rehab.
Feel free to PM me at any time.
A sober life can be a very enjoyable one!
Best wishes,
Chalky

[never2late]

I'm just scared, I'm the biggest Male wimp that walked the Earth! LOL


Shoulders back and chin up, young man. This could possibly be the opportunity for your finest hour.

[nicky20055]

wayne ur not a wimp, u've displayed strength by admitting how you feel, takes guts :winks:

[Mystical]

HI Wayne,

You'll be fine! The detox units are well recourced nowadays; my sister is a recovered alcoholic, thought she doesn't drink - prefers it that way. She got to a point where it was be 'dried out' or face the consequences, which weren't pleasant. We saw dad drink himself silly so if there any wonder she turned to drink at the least sign of stress. She screwed up countless relationships and three marriages with drinking; only when she met the guy she recently parted from (nothing to do with drink this time) did she stop the behaviour that was ruining so many lives. I could go on but most drink dependency stories are the same or similar. On the plus side, she now lives a happy life and has found happiness in helping others; she is a volunteer at the local luncheon club and also is on the committee of her local area housing association. Just shows one can pick up the traces and take hold of one's life again. As to the sedation, it was pretty heavy but called for due to her experiencing weird withdrawal symptoms; she's okay now though and that my freind Wayne, is what truly matters. Love to you and yours - especially that long-suffering gem of a partner. Don't hesitate to use NMP to it's fullest use once you get out of the detox unit. All resources are valuable!!

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

Thanks to the last couple of replies,
The thing that scares me the most is the thought of being so out of it when sedated I won't know what I am doing or who I am, this is the anxieity kicking in, even like having a toilet accident in bed, that sort of thing!

Starting to prepare myself for it, thinking of what I will take to Hospital, new pajamas, personal cd player etc LOL.

Also what is worrying me is the hospital is about 30 miles away and my Wife is not a confident driver and that worries me.

I am hoping someone will come with her to visit me, but for obvious reasons she is reluctant to tell people why I will be there.

Wayne

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

And yes the withdrawel symptoms are wierd, you think you are litteraly going mad, dreams or Nightmares seem so real sometimes, once (when I tried to stop dead on my own) I dreampt that my Wifes x Husband was coming into the bedroom with a bow and arrow to kill me, I jumped up and nearly strangled my Wife, she shouted at me and I soon calmed down, when stopping you close your eyes and just see negative things, monstors and eveil things, its really bad.

Wayne

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

Also thank you Chalky,
and congrats on being sober for 9 Years,
Yes it will be one Day at a time, its like that at the moment really, the specialist said to me to NOT stop drinking yet before I go in, he didn't even encourage me to cut down, so I am at quite a serious stage.

I know that with the right medication and support I will get through this.

At the moment my short term memory is pants, but the guy I saw tested me without me even knowing about it and apparently my mind is ok at the moment! (I am sure my Wife would dissagree! LOL)

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

Well, I got my Hospital appointment letter Today!
11th June I will be going. I need to have a blood test before I go, I have never had one before in my life. I am shit scared about it, not about a needle but in case they find something wrong!

Also I am going to miss my Mother-in law's Wedding, oh well!


Wayne

[Lilith1980]

Hey Wayne

Its good that you have a date set now, something to aim for.

Try not to worry about the blood test - if they find anything, then they can deal with it :hugs:

Jo xxxxx

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

Thanks Jo,
The kids know I am going into Hospital the two Boys (16,14) know why, the 11 Year old Girl thinks it is to do with my agrophobia, she's too Young to understand at the moment.


Wayne

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

Hi everyone, I went to my GP this morning to arrange a blood test prior to my admission to Hospital.
She isn't my registered GP but was so understanding and was lovely about it all.
I asked if there is anything she could give me to help reduce my alcohol intake before my admission.
She gave me 28 Diazepams, very rare for GP to prescribe that many, last time I asked for them I got 4!!! LOL

I was asking her about when I am sedated as I am anxious about it and not knowing who I am, and also asked about if I would be aware of visitors, she re-assured me.

Take care all,

Wayne