Worst Day in Ages

[tonkaboy]

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to vent.

Today has been my worst day in over a year. I'm sitting here not knowing what to do with myself. I feel total confusion about my feelings other than I'm tense and sweaty. I've been struggling with bad thoughts for the last week or two but today I seem to have run out of steam in trying to fend them off. I feel completely spent. I feel like I've run out of ideas.

I feel under pressure to beat this thing as it's affecting my ability to do my job. I've had a couple of periods of absence in the last few years following a complete burn out. I now have a family depending on me and I feel like I'm failing.

I don't know what to do but I do know I don't want to feel like this. The more I think about things, the more I'm working myself up. Argh!

I'm finding it hard to even make the effort to write this, I feel so bad. Looking for a bit of support.

Cheers

A

[milly jones]

hey A uve come to the right place,

firstly have u visited ur gp to gain support there?

there is the possibility of meds and counselling, maybe uve already tried these?

i totally understand the failing feeling as im struggling to decide whether i can work after a breakdown 3 years ago, return to work then a reoccurance at xmas

however as one sufferer to another i would say that nothing is more important than ur health hun, and im sure your family would agree.

is your job stressful, can u find times for relaxation, walks etc

i believe if uve been diagnosed witha mental health difficulty for more than 12 months you do have rights under discrimination of work act for adapted working conditions eg part time etc.

anyway u vent away anytime u need to hun, were all here for u,

millyxxx

[tonkaboy]

Milly,

Thanks for the kind words. I was at my wits end last night, couldn't think straight and worried that I didn't seem to have th fight left anymore.

Guess what - nothing bad happened and I calmed down.

I've seen my GP, had councelling and am on a small dose of Prozac. I'm waiting to see a clinical psychologist but the waiting list is such that it's probabaly not going to happen this year.

I had a really good period between Easter and a fortnight ago when I felt I was on top of the whole thing. I could see clearly that my worrying was nonsense. I don't know what triggered it but then I started doubting everything again. Just now, I feel confusion. I don't know what to feel.

I have been diagnosed with anxiety, so I know I should stop worrying that it's something worse but when I get into a state like last night, I feel like there's no end to this.

I love my wife and son and all I want to do is be a normal husband and dad. I wish I could shake off this thing and believe in myself. Last night, I was convinced that deep down I'm rotten and I've just managed to hide it for 42 years.

I wish I could stop this deep introspection but when I'm troubled by something, I can't help myself.

Thanks again.

A

[tonkaboy]

Hi everyone,

Tonkaboy venting again.

Feeling really down and uptight today. Been feeling a bit better since last Thursday but I'm finding it extremely difficult to get away from the constant worrying and introspection.

I worry constantly about doing something bad or shameful. I know I won't but I can't turn off the feelings. I starting to suspect that I have an element of depression now as well as the general anxiety. I found it really hard to get up this morning and face another day. I feel spent.

I don't feel suicidal because all I want is to get better but I seem to have a little demon inside me that's determined to destroy any peace of mind.

I've been working through a Lucinda Bassett CD I got on Fleabay. It talks about cutting out the negative thinking and practicing positive self talk. I'm trying but I can't seem to banish the demon.

I know I'm a caring, sensitive, intelligent person but I can't make these feelings go away. I feel like I'm trying too hard but I don't know how else to behave.

I'm seeing my GP again next week but I don't see what he's going to do. I'm booked in for some NHS psychotherapy but the waiting list is 12 months or more.

I'm feeling pretty despondent at the moment.

On the bright side, I did get up and go to work. I'm trying to focus on the positive but it's hard.

Cheers

Tonks.

[never2late]

Hello Tonks. This may sound somewhat silly, but you may be trying a bit too hard.

If so, this is only adding more stress to the stress your nervous system is already under. And we all know which direction that is going to take you.

If I may make a suggestion, why not take a little bit of time -- perhaps as few as 10 minutes at first -- both at mid-day and at early evening, and plan some very quiet time to focus on absolutely nothing. It is very important to not force yourself to go blank -- because you want to get away from that tendency of forcing to begin with. It will take some time and practice, but I have found that this singular technique works very well at what I will term "recalibration" . . . i.e. there's nothing wrong with your watch, it just needs to have its time adjusted.

Of course, this is just one aspect of a multi-faceted approach -- but it can be a very useful and rewarding one.