FreeFalling
22-05-08, 22:28
Hello...I'm embarrassed to even post this :blush:. I'm so very confused, sad, ashamed ,scared...and I don't know what to do anymore.
As some of you know I've been in a controlling and abusive relationship.
I made the decision last week to leave. So I did.
During this time my bf tracked me down and came to the house I was staying several times ( I hid ) and he called I don't even know how many times ( I didn't answer )...until yesterday :weep:.
I got weak. It was exactly what I was afraid would happen eventually...that he would wear me down...or that I would let him wear me down. It's my fault that I answered the phone.
I want so badly to give him the benefit of the doubt...but would I just be setting myself up again for more abuse ?
He shared some things with me that he hasn't before regarding his anger issues.
Then again...he's been very manipulative in the past.
He's made promises before, only to break them.
I've come this far in actually leaving and staying away for over a week and not speaking with him.
I know that might not seem like much to some of you, but it's a huge step for me. I haven't been gone longer than two days and that was still with speaking to him.
My son is graduating from High School tomorrow and my bf is using that as one reason to want to be there...and he's also using my birthday as another reason to see me.
My son doesn't like him...and I really don't give a damn about my birthday...I know I'm old :dry:and I don't feel like celebrating anyway.
Of course my bf is saying all the right things ( now )...and he's even crying...which he hasn't done that before. I don't know if it's sincere or if it's just him manipulating me again.
I'm so torn...I'm scared to make the wrong decision.
Part of me still loves him...but there is a part of me that wonders if I'm just too sick to get out of this because I have such low self esteem and I just think that I don't deserve any better.
Sorry to be such a pain about this...I hope I can move on soon...but right now...I feel pretty weak if I'm completely honest.
I'm trying so hard to stay strong...
Thanks for your patience and understanding :blush:
~Rebecca
As some of you know I've been in a controlling and abusive relationship.
I made the decision last week to leave. So I did.
During this time my bf tracked me down and came to the house I was staying several times ( I hid ) and he called I don't even know how many times ( I didn't answer )...until yesterday :weep:.
I got weak. It was exactly what I was afraid would happen eventually...that he would wear me down...or that I would let him wear me down. It's my fault that I answered the phone.
I want so badly to give him the benefit of the doubt...but would I just be setting myself up again for more abuse ?
He shared some things with me that he hasn't before regarding his anger issues.
Then again...he's been very manipulative in the past.
He's made promises before, only to break them.
I've come this far in actually leaving and staying away for over a week and not speaking with him.
I know that might not seem like much to some of you, but it's a huge step for me. I haven't been gone longer than two days and that was still with speaking to him.
My son is graduating from High School tomorrow and my bf is using that as one reason to want to be there...and he's also using my birthday as another reason to see me.
My son doesn't like him...and I really don't give a damn about my birthday...I know I'm old :dry:and I don't feel like celebrating anyway.
Of course my bf is saying all the right things ( now )...and he's even crying...which he hasn't done that before. I don't know if it's sincere or if it's just him manipulating me again.
I'm so torn...I'm scared to make the wrong decision.
Part of me still loves him...but there is a part of me that wonders if I'm just too sick to get out of this because I have such low self esteem and I just think that I don't deserve any better.
Sorry to be such a pain about this...I hope I can move on soon...but right now...I feel pretty weak if I'm completely honest.
I'm trying so hard to stay strong...
Thanks for your patience and understanding :blush:
~Rebecca