newbie

[lilly-lou]

hi everyone,

I'm new to NMP just wanted to leave a quick intro. I suffer from agoraphobia and social phobia, I can leave the house with company which is an improvement (I didn't leave the house for almost 2 yrs at 1 point). Socialising is still difficult even leaving this is hard. I'm sick of feeling this way always sad and lonely watching the world go by but I can see by reading other postings I'm not alone in feeling like this.:)

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

Hiya,
I suffer with the same as you.
I also have a drink problem and have to go to Hospital soon to be "detoxed"
You are not alone and I know exactly how you feel.

I can't stand in a queue with someone behind me.

I can't use the phone and when the door knocks I run and hide!

I am sick of feeling like that too.

I am also new to this forum, joined yesterday.

Take care,

Wayne

[milly jones]

hi lilly,

i too have social phobia and find making and keeping friends difficult

welcome to nmp hun

millyx

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

I don't want to sound depressing or morbid, but because of my condition and not being able to "mingle" I dont have any friends.
But saying that, my best Friend is my Wife so I am not so bothered about not having other Friends.

(If that makes sence?!)

[lilly-lou]

Thanks fro the replies, Wayne I can't stand in a queue the more people stand behind me the more I wan't to run out the door. I have to be able to see the car when i go out, hate making phone calls, think others judge me all the time scared to take meds for fear of what they will do to me. Milly I too find it hard to make and keep friends, I push them away before they can reject me. I think my hubby only stays with me coz he feels sorry for me(I been married fro 16 yrs and have 6 beautiful kids) although I have no proof of this. Good luck with the detox Wayne my thoughts will be with you. x

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

Lilly,
Thanks for the reply,

I understand about scared to take meds, but beta blockers do work, I havnt taken them in a while as I am drinking, but there have been times when I wasn't drinking and they do work, I promise you, you can get out of your car in the supermarket car park and by the time you walk in the shop it kicks in, basicly slows your heart down and stops the sweating and shaking and is not harmful to you I swear.

But queues are my worst Nightmare, can't bear them!

Wayne

[Patty]

Hi Lilly-lou,:)

:welcome: to NMP. It's great that you've joined! There is so much information & help here. I can understand how you're feeling about making your first post - I have social anxiety and it took me ages to get around to writing my intro! I have found that it gets easier the more that you post. Take care xx :bighug1:

[lilly-lou]

Thanks Patty, I browsed the froum for days till I finally had the courage to write I guess I was scared nobody would bother to reply or read (thats how low my confidence is ) I am glad I did now as I dont feel so alone with this s***** illness All my family think I'm barmey to the extent with the exception of my parnets not speaking to me in almost 3 yrs they didn't even visit me when I gave birth twice in 2 yrs to 2 boys while having agoraphobia, people can be so cruel, but I'm hoping this will be the begining of a new life free from fear of going out and meeting people.

[lilly-lou]

wayne,
If I'm having a good day I can go to supermarket but I can't manage the back I feel trapped and I'm scared of passing out and people being around me looking at me like Im stupid. I have considered beta blockers but I so scared of taking them I panic so avoid them (theres that avoidance behaviour again). I'm a bag of nerves. The thing that makes no sence is I can go on bike rides with my hubby and kids don't go for miles but can manage that it so irrartional.

[gary_2.0]

lilly-lou you've come to the right place. I've met and spoken with so many really nice genuine people since joining a couple of weeks ago. It really does make me feel less alone. I too suffer from agoraphobia and can relate to several things you mention. People can indeed be cruel but anyone who fails to sympathise or at least attempt to understand this legitimate illness has problems of their own. Probably better off without them.

Welcome to the forum :)

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

wayne,
If I'm having a good day I can go to supermarket but I can't manage the back I feel trapped and I'm scared of passing out and people being around me looking at me like Im stupid. I have considered beta blockers but I so scared of taking them I panic so avoid them (theres that avoidance behaviour again). I'm a bag of nerves. The thing that makes no sence is I can go on bike rides with my hubby and kids don't go for miles but can manage that it so irrartional.

Yeah I totaly understand,
I always look out for the exit when in shops, I always need to know there is a quick "getaway" if needed.
Thats my biggest fear, of passing out, hence knowing where the nearest exit is.

I know your a bag of nerves, and I totaly understand your reservations about medication.
I was diagnosed a few Years ago and my GP at that time was so understanding. I went in there and couldnt even speak, I gave her a print out of my symptoms and my partner at the time had to speak for me.

If you do decide to see a GP, I recommend seing a younger one, they are much more understanding believe me. You dont have to have blood tests or anything. It was quite painless, but its up to you if you wish to take that step.

Wayne

[lilly-lou]

Thanks gary-2.0 I can't believe how friendly it is on here and I really appreciate all the replies, how bad is your agoraphobia I have managed to get mine a little under controll but am frustrated that I'm still not great. I've accepted I'll probably never be the person I used to be but will settle for ok. I would love to go on girly shopping trips with my 2 girls into a city rather than on the ouitskirts, take them for dinner to somewhere other than mac d's and enjoy a family holiday. Sometimes I feel I got no fight left in me but carry on for my kids.

[kellie]

hiya lilly :welcome: to nmp its lovely to have you here :D as you have already seen you will get lots of support and advice, you will even make some great friends along the way. keep posting hun and we will help/reasure you as much as we can.
love and happiness
take care.

kellie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[lilly-lou]

Hi Wayne, I not been to the docs in over 3 yrs not even to confirm 2 pregnancies (I went straight to see midwife) mainly because I plucked up the courage tom go only to have the G.P. sit yawning at me and really not taking much notice of a word I was saying. I tried C.B.T but the problem is you only get allocated 6 sessions and just as you seem to be getting somewhere you left alone again, 6 sessions is no good for somebody who is quite severe so I dont bother. I have thought of going to see a different doc as I think I got post natal depression too that i been trying to deal with by myself god I wish I had a different brain

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

Lilly,
You got plenty of fight left in you!

I suffer same as you have, on top of that I am an alcoholic,

I have to go to hospital and you and I both know that it is scary thought!

Maybe it will make you feel better , maybe not, but I am sitting here with a tiny bit of drink left, Can't get to a shop to get any more,and I am shaking badly through lack of alcohol, dont know what I am going to do!

I need to keep drinking (Not massive amounts) to stop the withdrawel syptoms, Now I am feeling very anxious.

Even after a drink I struggle to walk out the door.

[Patty]

Hi again Lily-lou,:)

My self-confidence & self-esteem are also so low with this. I have also found that other people find it difficult to understand the way that you're feeling. The dread & fear that comes with everyday things that other people take for granted can be so overwhelming. You have done so well having your 2 boys while having agoraphobia!

Take care xx :bighug1:

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

Hi Wayne, I not been to the docs in over 3 yrs not even to confirm 2 pregnancies (I went straight to see midwife) mainly because I plucked up the courage tom go only to have the G.P. sit yawning at me and really not taking much notice of a word I was saying. I tried C.B.T but the problem is you only get allocated 6 sessions and just as you seem to be getting somewhere you left alone again, 6 sessions is no good for somebody who is quite severe so I dont bother. I have thought of going to see a different doc as I think I got post natal depression too that i been trying to deal with by myself god I wish I had a different brain

Lilly,
My registered GP is an "older" one.
I went to see him quite a while ago and said about my drink problem, he sat back in his chair and folded his arms, preaching about how it is a huge problem in this Country!

6 Weeks ago I saw a young female GP who was late 20's and I am now been refered to Hospital etc etc.

Maybe try and see someone else Lilly? don't give up on it, there is plenty of hope and help out there for you.

[lilly-lou]

Hi wayne,
I really feel for you I used to drink heavily when i was a teenager mainly to blott out the social anxiety altough i wasn't alcohol dependant. The feelings of anxiety can be tough enough without having effects of alcohol and withdrawal just remember you have got people in your life who care about you. I konw how scary a hospital stay can be i was that bad they put me in a room of my own coz i couldn't be around the other new mums. I also had a very difficult pregnancy and had to attend a day unit 3 times a week for the last 8 wks of my pregnancy and a bad induction with a baby who had to go to special care but i got through.

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

Lilly,
I have been drinking heavily (on and off) for about 15 Years, I am 37 now.

Its come to a point of sort it or die basicly, My Wife's Father died of alcoholism at 47 years old.

My child hood and my Wifes childhood were absolutely shite, been abused and been in a Childrens home, my wife was abused (not sexualy) her Dad was an *******.
I am not voilent, I am placid as they come, I am the one that calms the Kids and my Wife down! LOL

Basicly If I don't sort this my marraige is over! but she is very suppotive and we are so close.

I understand about the difficult pregnancies, My Wife also had problems with all 3 of hers (Not my Kids, her previous marraige)

[lilly-lou]

I think i have to sort myself out and get on top of this illness or it will be the end of my marrage too which I don't want I love my hubby to bits he my soul mate. I too was abused as a child (sexually) which is why I probably find it difficult to trust people. I also lost my baby son 14 yrs ago which i never fully recovered from, I'm only 36 now but feel I can write a book about all the crap things that have happened to me, I'm not suprised i a wreck.

[Lindalou64]

Hello Lilly And Welcome....i Wish Ya Well.........linda

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

I think i have to sort myself out and get on top of this illness or it will be the end of my marrage too which I don't want I love my hubby to bits he my soul mate. I too was abused as a child (sexually) which is why I probably find it difficult to trust people. I also lost my baby son 14 yrs ago which i never fully recovered from, I'm only 36 now but feel I can write a book about all the crap things that have happened to me, I'm not suprised i a wreck.

Oh Lilly, I am so sorry to hear that.
Seems to me that problems like ours stems back to our Childhood, My Wife and I talk about it alot, our Childhoods, It can damage the brain for life.
We need to try and move forward, very difficult I know, I feel blame for my Mum chucking me in a Childrens Home after her and my Dad split up in 1977, but people say I can't blame, but I can't help it sometimes.

[lilly-lou]

hi Wayne'
I don't think people realise what happens to you as a child screws with your mind when you an adult, I'm determind to move forward and create a better life I'm sick of existing not living we all deserve happiness

[Southern_Belle]

Hi Lilly-lou,

Welcome to the site. Many others here will understand how you feel. You will find alot of support.

Many hugs,

Laura

[Lilith1980]

Hi Lilly-Lou

Welcome to NMP :)

Jo xxxxx