My Anxiety

[KAREN L]

Hi

My name is Karen i am 38yrs old and i suffer from major anxiety/panic attacks.

It all started 3 years ago;

It was a normal Monday morning i dropped my 2yr old at nursery and headed for work. During the car journey i had some weird painful stomach cramps
arrived at work sat at my desk was talking to a colleage when all of a sudden my stomach cramps disappeared replaced by a huge head rush felt really faint / hot / sick and felt like i was going to have a heart attack!!
I had 3 of these attacks at work that morning and my boss at the time said come on i'll take you home. My partner was called and i spent the rest of the day in bed feeling scared and awful.

Well over the next few days i carried on having these attacks and went to see my doctor. I was put on beta blockers to stop my heart palp. and over a period of about 2 months was sent for ecg's / 24hr heart monitors/ blood pressure. My results were reasonably normal apart from i have an occassional extra herat beat which is apparently very common and also my blood pressure is sometimes high.
Unfortunately over the next 9 months i got worst and was convinced i was going to have an heart attack and die. I remember my Mum saying to me there nothing wrong with your heart if anyone has a heart problem it would be me at my age not you. (this makes me cry, i am now, as none of us knew what was too come)
So after many more trips to the doctors i agreed to go on prozac - for the first 2 weeks i felt worse but after that i felt wonderful. I had my life back and felt fantastic.
.................................................. .................................

In Nov 06, i fell pregnant with my second child. I went to the doctors and was told to come off all my medication. This scared me but my doctor explained that being pregnant meant my body was at its best and things should be fine. Well he was right i was feeling great.

Dec 06 - a few days before xmas. The phone rings at 2.00am, it's my Dad, my Mum has been rushed to hospital suspected heart attack. We lost her aged 61yrs. She hadn't even been ill - as you can imagine it was a terrible shock ( this is soo hard writing this i can't stop crying).

Well believe it or not my anxiety didn't return straight away not until my new baby was born Aug 07. When she was born we were told she had an heart murmour. A few weeks later she had a scan and all was fine - thank god.
So we brought her home and i had a few major panic attacks and all my anxiety was back. So i decided to go back on the prozac as agreed with my doctor. Well this time they made me so poorly i had to stop taking them and now i just have beta blockers but i am still battling with my anxiety.

So that's my story so far - i have tried to make it short and have missed loads out but at the moment i feel i could type forever!!

Here are my some of my worst symptons / fears;

Dizziness
Wind in my chest / acid indijestion
Pains in my chest
Funny feeling in my arms
Jelly legs
Lump in my throat
Blurred vision
Fear of dying
Fear of having an heart attack


I have so many questions for you all, here are a few;

What happens if i think my problems are anxiety / panic when in fact i am having an heart attack - just like my Mum. She wouldn't let my Dad ring for an ambulance for 2 hours until it was too late.Did she think she was having a panic attack!!!

How do i stop smoking - yes i no thats killing me. Can I use nico patches while on beta blockers?

Is all this anxiety weakening my heart?

Thank you all for listening, I have so much more too say and so many more questions.


Thanks again
Karen

Please excuse my grammer and spelling - thank you.

[nicky20055]

Your Not Alone Either U Ever Want To Talk Just Message Me (private Message) X

[Cathy V]

Hi Karen, i'm so sorry about your mum..can't imagine being without mine, and my daughters say the same about me! I understand completely about your fear of heart disease or heart attack and this has been my main phobia for alot of years (I get 'missed' heartbeats too, or ectopics as we call them properly and alot of ppl on here get them regularly so you're not alone with them ok?)

When i was 18 my nan died of a heart attack, she was 59. When i was 39 my uncle died of a heart attack, he was 49, and 4 years ago my brother had a heart attack at age 46...he survived it. So throughout my adult life ive lost ppl to heart disease and ive always had a great fear that i'll have a heart attack too. Ive had numerous tests over the years, all negative, but that doesn't stop me worrying whenever the dreaded ectopics re-appear.

Something i think ive learned after all this time is that if you are having a heart attack you'd know it...definately different from a panic attack. Ive yet to hear of anyone even in full blown panic to be doubled up with a crushing pain in the chest (but i will say if i may at this point without wanting to panic anyone reading this, that all of the family i mentioned had pains in their BACK and not in fact in their chest, when they were having a heart attack, so getting pains in my upper back area has always been part of my health anxiety)

I don't know why your lovely mum waited so long before getting help, perhaps the pain wasn't so bad at first? but i do know how you feel now about your heart. Every missed beat or flutter makes you think you have it too. and your mum was right really, you are very young to have a problem. In fact women are very well protected by the hormone oestrogen until the menopause.

Its very very rare for women to suffer from heart disease before this..its medically documented. I think what you feel now is your anxiety of it. Try not to let it rule your life...you'll be ok, even with your BP high sometimes, this hormone will protect you from heart disease. It does give you a bummer of a time before a period, but hey we can't have it all ways can we?

Try not to worry too much ok? I'm 5 years into the menopause and i have high BP sometimes too. I take beta-blockers for this. My anx levels go up and down and when up i might not be able to reassure you with yours so much, but thats the nature of anxiety. and thats all it is....anxiety.

Ok i'm rambling now so i'll go :wacko: but remember you're not alone ok?

Best wishes
Cathy xx :)

[KAREN L]

Cathy

Thank you so much. We have a lot in common i think.So sorry for your loss to. Your reply has warmed me even though i am now in floods of tears.

Thank you so much
I hope to speak to you again soon

Karen
x

[Cathy V]

Hey, didn't mean to make you cry :flowers: talk to me any time ok?
Catch you later
Cathy V xx

[KAREN L]

Ok. I think the tears are good as i feel you are there for me. I am also here for you.
Goodnight speak soon. x

[KAREN L]

People are just reading this and not talking to me.
Have i posted this to the wrong place?

Today - feel very dizzy and drained with no energy and have funny chest feelings especially in my left breast. Very hard looking after young children when you feel like this. Have my little nephew staying this weekend he is 3 and very demanding.

x

[tallspruce63]

will look at this further and I may have a gem or two to offer - this is my first visit tot the site and my problem is different than yours but there is much experience to help possibly that I can offer.

[tallspruce63]

sorry will get back to you soon

[lilly-lou]

:bighug1: Hi Karen,

I'm new to the forum too (joined y/day) I've had every symptom you've had at some point while suffering my worst symptom I get is feeling giddy and off balance. I too have no energy and kids to look after(I've got 6 !). Maybe its just quiet on here with it being the bank holiday don't give up hope everyone is really friendly and helpful.

[nicky20055]

Here Here Babes Xxx

[Lindalou64]

Hello Karen And Welcome.....i Wish Ya Well.......linda

[Cathy V]

Hey there, remember what we said about the heart phobia? coz thats what is is...a phobia. you don't want to die of a heart attack i know, nor do I and this fear for me began in my 20's so ive been waiting 32 years for my heart attack! Hey, don't let this take the fun out of your life like it has mine. Your mum wouldn't want you to go on worrying about this. Its not easy dealing with a phobia but you have to try to teach your body to 'un-learn' these anx reactions, just as youve taught it to learn them ok?

The pains or discomfort in your chest don't mean your heart is giving up, even if you fear it more coz its on the left side. Heart pain isn't felt in the breast anyway, and ectopics do not damage your heart. After having children our breasts can be lumpy and painful at times, but its not the same as having a heart attack.

Dizziness can def be because of anxiety, but it can also be a side effect of meds, so maybe have a chat to the doc about that too.

But above all, please try not to worry. I can see myself in you some years ago, and if i had that time again i know i would do it better, coz i thought i was dying every day with every twinge. I was scared to be alone or go anywhere unfamiliar or out in the countryside...any situation where i thought i couldn't get help if i was having a heart attack. I couldn't read about it or watch anything on tv about the heart, and if i went to the (numerous) doctors for tests theyd have to turn off the sound on the machines so i couldnt hear my heartbeat. I couldn't listen to my heart at night in bed, that freaked me out. Or if id been running and my heart raced for while, that freaked me out also. What a waste of all those years, coz in 32 years i didn't die did I? here I am.....maybe i'll die tomorrow, what do you think.... :whistles:

Best wishes
Cathy xxx :D

[freakedout]

Hi Karen,

Welcome to the site. You will surely make lots of new friends here and get lots of support from people.

I am sorry to read your story, you have experienced some very stressful and emotional life events. I can relate to most of your symptoms of panic and anxiety, luckily I do not get chest pain but terrible palpatations which freak me out, it really feels as though your ribcage could burst with the force of your heart beating. So, I can understand you anxiety about strain on your heart.

About your Prozac, I found I was unable to tolerate it, I got unbearable gastric symptoms and just could not take it. Maybe, if you feel you would benefit from anti-depressants ask your GP for an alternative, there are a lot of other medications that may help.

As for quitting smoking, you can as far as I know use nicotine replacement products with beta-blockers. There are loads of smoking cessation interventions around, including NHS, it might be worth exploring what is available in your area and getting some 1 to 1 advice/support, it will help you succeed and it will give you the chance to raise any anxieties you have about quitting.

Take Care, and again, welcome to the site

Freaky:welcome:

[Southern_Belle]

Hi Karen,

Welcome to the site. I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom. I just lost my Grandmother and I am devestated, can't imagine your loss. I have a different kind of anxiety than you do as I just worry about everything, no real physical symptoms except for a racing heart. I also suffer with OCD. I am on meds that help both but still get the racing heart bit from time to time. I do have medical issues that can cause the racing heart so for me it really is difficult to distinguish between the two.

As for you, if you get medical checkups, definately quit the smoking (sorry don't know how to advise you on that as I haven't smoked) and like others have said I think you would know the difference between a real heart attack and anxiety I know you will be fine. Others here know how you have been feeling and will be able to help. Perhaps some counseling would also help, it helped me, I saw a psychologist. Good luck and again please accept my condolences.

Many hugs,

Laura

[andie73]

Hi Karen

All your symptoms are very familiar to me and I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. If you are really concerned you could try talking to your GP again but you've been tested and nothing showed up that caused concern to the docs. I always tell myself that as my symptoms come and go it can't possibly be a heart attack. In fact now I tend to make fun of myself as a way of difusing the panic. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't but I'm still here.

I think that because of what sadly happened with your mum and with your second child you are naturally going to focus on the chest pains and sensations in your arms that alot of get. It is due to muscle tension. But your doctor should be able to reassure you. Saying that though at Christmas time I was constantly asking my doctor if I was physically ill and if ALL these symptoms can be JUST anxiety. He said it was very common. Since then I've read up on anxiety and joined this forum and it has helped alot. Yes I still get the symptoms alot probably focusing on a different one every day, but it's how you react to those symptoms that is important.

My mam died of breast cancer and I go through periods where I am absolutely convinced I am going to die from it, and so I know how awful it is to feel this way. I kind of recognise that cancer is my achilles heel and just try to accept that the fear is always going to be there in some shape or form. I don't think I would be human if it wasn't. Thinking like that is hard I know but it does normalise things a bit.

About the smoking, I've never smoked myself but I do work within the NHS and I know that they have an excellent quit smoking service where they provide advice and the patches or whatever else will help.

About anxiety damaging your heart, that's a no. Anxiety is just the bodies reaction to a percieved threat whether real or imagined. Your heart is doing what it is designed to do when your adrenaline starts pumping. There's lots of info on here and if you ring NHS Direct they have leaflets that they will post out to you, or try your local library.

Hope this waffle helps a bit.

[KAREN L]

Just want to say thanks for all your replies and it's nice to no i'm not alone.

Can't wait to be able to use the chat route next.

karen
x

[kellie]

hiya karen. id just like to say how sorry i am about the loss of your mom. i can identifie with some of your pain as i myself lost 2 nephews (17 and 20 ) and also an uncle in the space of a year. my 2 nephews died 3 wks apart and the following years right between the first death anniversary my uncle died, all of them where very sudden, but i could not imagine loseing my mom. you have gone through a very tough time hun and its no wonder you are haveing these feelings and thoughts.

i realy hope we can be of some help to you, and give you some reasurance and advice about the panix/anxiety you are having.

love and happiness
take care.

kellie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[chalky]

Hi Karen,

Welcome to the Forum.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

You will get loads of support and advice here.
Best wishes,
Chalky