Is A Relapse Possible???

[nicky20055]

HI I'M NICKY, I'M A MOTHER OF 2 BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS,AMANDA WHO IS 10 IN AUGUST AND FREYA WHO HAS JUST TURNED 5.AFTER GIVING BIRTH TO FREYA (TRAUMATIC LABOUR) I LOST ALOT OF BLOOD, MAKING ME SEVERLEY ANAEMIC,I GOT UP TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AND ALMOST PASSED OUT,I FELT AS IF SOME ONE WAS RIPPING MY HEART OUT OF MY CHEST (PANIC ATTACK), I DIDN'T KNOW THIS AT THE TIME, I WAS CONVINCED SOME THING WAS WRONG WITH ME, I WAS DYING, NUMEROUS MIDWIVES/SHO'S CHECKED MY OBS AND SAID I WAS FINE, BUT STILL, THIS HEAVINESS IN MY CHEST REMAINED AS I GOT UP AND WALKED. BEFORE I LEFT THE NEXT DAY TO GO HOME WITH MY SECOND BEAUTIFUL NEW DAUGHTER, I HAD BLOOD TAKEN TO CHECK MY BLOOD COUNT, NEEDLESS TO SAY IT WAS VERY LOW, 7.8, IT SCARED ME KEPT MAKING THINGS WORSE BY ASKING THINGS LIKE "DO U DIE FROM ANAEMIA?" THIS WORRY CONTINUED, I WAS SENT HOME FROM HOSPITAL WITH STRICT INTRUCTIONS TO TAKE 3 IRON TABLETS A DAY, THIS WORRY STILL SMOTHERED ME, I WAS GOING TO DIE, I WAS SURE OF IT, THOSE DOCTORS ARE WRONG, I DROVE MY HUSBAND MAD WITH THIS THOUGHT OVER AND OVER AGAIN, REASSURANCES FROM HIM AND MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS DID NOT SWAY ME, I WAS CONVINCED, THE TIGHTNESS IN MY CHEST REMAINED DAY AFTER DAY, KEPT GOING TO THE DOCTORS BUT EACH AND EVERY TIME NOT SATISFIED THAT THERE WAS NOTHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH ME, TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE THE DOCTOR TOOK ME OFF THE IRON TABLETS TO EARLY,SO WHEN I STARTED MY FIRST POST-NATAL PERIOD I WAS ON HEAVY AND IT FELT LIKE I WAS HAEMMORAGING, BACK DOWN TO A AND E FOR SCANS, ALL WAS FINE, BUT STILL NOT SATISFIED, DAY AFTER DAY FEAR MORE SYMPTOMS MORE DISATISFACTION, THEN OCTOBER BANG, ALL WENT BLANK, I COULDN'T FEEL ANY THING NO EMOTIONS, I WAS UNMOTIVATED COULDN'T DO ANYTHING HAD TO FORCE MYSELF OUT OF BED EVERYDAY, WORST OF ALL I STARTED TO GET MURDEROUS THOUGHTS TOWARDS MY NEW DAUGHTER, WHY? THEY WERE OUT OF THE BLUE, I'M A BAD MUM I THOUGHT, FELT ALONE AND SCARED AND FRIGHTENED, THESE LEAD TO THOUGHTS LIKE, AM I A PSYCHO PATH? I COULDN'T CRY I COULDN'T FEEL ANYTHING I WAS NUMB,EXHAUSTED, I WAS REFFERRED TO A PSYCHIATRIST WHO DIAGNOSED ME WITH POSTNATAL DEPRESSION AND THEN LATER DIAGNOSED WITH OCD I TOOK NUNEROUS DIFFERENT MEDS TILL ONES SUITED ME AND BEEN ON THEM 5 YEARS NEARLY, THOUGHTS FADED AFTER FREYA WAS 2, I DO GET FLEETING THOUGHTS WHEN I AM DUE MY PERIOD. ALL HAS BEEN FINE BUT JUST LATELY THE ANXIETY HAS FLARED UP, THE DEPERSONALISATION/DEREALISASION, SCARED/BLANK AND SO WORRIED I'M RELAPSING, SO HERE TO TALK AND GET ADVICE OFF PEOPLE IN THE SAME BOAT AS ME :blush: :yesyes:

[KAREN L]

Hi

I understand all you are going through and hope to chat to you soon when i am allowed in the chat rooms

Take care
Karen x

[nicky20055]

Thanks Babe X

[nicky20055]

people are viewing this but not saying anything,it makes me feel like no-one understands??????

[lilly-lou]

:bighug1: hi nicky'

I too heammoraged after giving birth it was so bad had to go to theatre and needed blood it was verry scary I also had heavy feeling in my chest which the docs said was due to anaemia. I also have suffered pnd, I think at some point we all get bad days and feel or are scared we having a relapse talking helps especially with people who can relate to what you are going through.

[popsy]

I totally understand, i am going through a really tough time at mo, i am convinved im going mad and i dont even know what to think anymore, my psychistrist say i have depression and severe anxiety but surely it wouldnt be this bad!!! - and it makes it harder having young kids because im constantly having to hide it from them. I am not suprised regarding your anxiety, all so traumatic etc...
You will get lots of support on here. Try posting in the OCD section and GAD one, there is also one for health phobias. You really will meet some lovely people on here and receive lots of advice and help. (((HUG)))
I welcome you and honestly you arent alone, we are all in a similar boat.
Sending you lots of hugs Charlie xxxx

[KAREN L]

Hi nicky

My first post is going the same way, lots of looking but not much contact. maybe we are posting to the wrong place??

How are you feeling today?

Karen
x

[nicky20055]

Not Too Bad Bit Tired, U? Xxxxxxxxxxx

[nicky20055]

Thsnks Karen,lilly Lou And Popsy I Dont Feel So Alone Now X

[Lindalou64]

Hello Nicky And Welcome You Will Find Lots Of Support And Information Here......i Wish Ya Well....linda ..................YOU CAN POST UNDER GENERAL ANXIETY THIS SECTION IS INTRODUCTION THAT SHOULD GET MORE RESPONSE..

[Southern_Belle]

Hi Nicky,

Welcome to the site. I have also sufferred from severe anemia but they never found the caused, I had to take liquid iron for over a year. I have never had post natal depression or pms but have had friends that have. It is quite a terrible thing to go through, I'm glad that period of your life is over (the post natal depression). I do know that anxiety does have blips and that means it can rear its ugly head now and again even if you are on meds. If I were you I would go and get a checkup and perhaps counseling, if needed. I hope this helps and you will find many here that understand what you are going through and will get support.

Hugs,

Laura

[nicky20055]

thanku so much for ur kind advice everyone x

[laurap]

:bighug1: hope you are feeling better soon there is nothing worse then feeling that you are on your own . i to have gad and i am 29 with 3 kids and when i have my period i get really nervous
laurax

[nicky20055]

awww bbz if any one wants to talk,anytime just message me x