Tomorrow was mentioned ...now I feel awful

[thevoicewithinme]

Today started off brilliantly, woke up, sorted the kids out, housework and was then laughing and joking around with my older son and my boyfriend. Boyfriend and son are off this afternoon to collect a shed that my boyfriend has wanted for a while...so everyone was in good spirit. Next thing though everything changed, well for me at least, because my boyfriend suddenly said 'well if we are getting the shed today, then there is nothing stopping us watching Martin (his brother) race tomorrow. My heart sank. Martin races hot fords and now so it seems my boyfriend says we are going to watch....but its over 50 miles away and I struggle to go more than 2 miles away from my home on a good day.

As soon as he said we are going, I went dead quiet, and to be honest I havent spoken to anyone much since. I am now in a world of my own, trying so hard not to cry and already can feel the anxiety inside of me...I can't do it...I know I cant. My boyfriend doesnt understand my agoraphobia, but he does try...but now he has made his mind up about tomorrow and I am so so scared. I know the kids will love it, but I know I cant do it. I feel such a failure.

kaz

[thevoicewithinme]

Oh sorry, forgot to add to that if I tell him I can't...I know it's going to cause a massive arguement, so right now I am feeling trapped, in a no win situation.

Kaz

[andie73]

Aww Kaz

Do you have to go or could you not stay at home? If you do have to go, what's the worst that can happen?? I always say that to myself when I'm scared. You are 100% safe, you are with 2 very important people in your life and they are not going to let any harm come to you.

I know how hard this will be for you but think how pleased you will be when you get back......you may even start to relax once the panic subsides a bit. And whether you are at home or out it really has no bearing on your ability to cope....the location has nothing to do with it. It what you are telling yourself and because you are filling your head with what if's. That must sound a bit harsh and I really don't mean it to be. I really understand where you are coming from but your thoughts are feeding your panic and agrophobia. It is soooo easy for me to say, so please don't take offence.

If you really really can't go then you will have to tell your b/f at some point and I would say it's better just to get it over with as you are going to be thinking about it all the time and will make yourself much worse. He will be thinking about the day out etc and if you don't say anything he will assume evrything's ok.

Good luck and let me know how you get on.

[thevoicewithinme]

I know you are right, I am filling my head with all of the what if's and I honesty do try not to do that. My boyfriend mentioned this race meeting last week, dropping hints about family tickets etc...and I did tell him then that I couldnt do it...and he said ok...but I did also tell him that if he wanted to go, then go ahead and maybe even take the boys with him, but he told me that he would rather stop at home with me, as he enjoys my company.

I know its hard on him too, he told me several weeks ago that I am making him feel like a prisoner, which I must admit I took deep offence too, as I do not and will not stop him going out. I have told him time and again that I didnt ask to be this way, and have tried telling him that I wil conquer it but its going to take time.

Thanks for replying, and no I dont think you sounded harsh...to be honest what you said is basically what I have been telling myself...just this stupid brain of mine doesnt want to listen to anything positive. Overcoming negative thoughts is such hard work.

Kaz

[kellie]

kaz hun you can do this if you realy realy want to. as you already know the fear that something will happen is just the anxiety. your negative thinking that something bad will happen is normal the anx is good at doing that. if you never give it a go how do you know how far you can go. i think it would be a good idea that you do little rides every few days and go a little futher each time . i know you aint got time to do that now for this occasion, but it may help for orther occasions
i realy do hope you manage to go hun and enjoy the day.

love and happiness
take care

kellie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[chalky]

Hi Kaz,

I know it can sound very trite and insensitive but your agorophobia will win unless you fight it.
A 50 mile journey does sound like a really tall order when a 2 mile one can be really hard.
Positives?:-
You will be with people you love and who you are safe with.
You will be showing your agorophobia that you are fighting it.
You will be sending a positive message to yourself.
You will possibly enjoy the experience.
You will be opening up new opportunities to enlarge your boundaries.
Why not let tomorrow be the start of a new life for you?
:hugs: :hugs:
Best wishes,
Chalky

[marie1974]

hi kaz i really agree with what chalky has said, i am a real believer in fighting your fears to over come them and i know it will be really scary but why not try and look at all the positives aout having people around u who love u and that you will be fine and try not to think about it to much and just keep busy and also what if u was to tell your boyfriend tonight that you really want to go but tell him your fears and be very honest and he should understand this and help you through the day as much as he can. sorry i cant be of more help, but i hope you manage to feel better whether you go or not, hugs to u xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[thevoicewithinme]

Thanks everyone...yes I know you are right chalky, everything you say makes complete sense of course.

I think I am finding this hard to handle at the moment as I did once beat agoraphobia before..12 years ago, but I also know how long it took me to beat it, so I do know its not easy, and yes I also know that by not going out, I am letting it win.

I do go out most days during the week, my boyfriends sister comes down most days and she sits with me while I drive, but as i have said as of yet I caqn only manage a couple of miles..although once I did do over 30!!! But that wasa one off for now I think.

[andie73]

You say that you managed to beat agrophobia before, then as you know you CAN beat it, you know you CAN do it again. This time round as well you have your past experience of winning the battle to give you more confidence in winning this one. I know it will be very hard but I think you should just go for it. And what's the worst that will happen......you have a panic attack!!! Well you've survived them many times before. The panic will subside naturally and you will have learnt the best lesson of all in terms of beating this. As you've already done this before though you already know the answers. Avoidance will only make matters worse. And if you end up screaming your head off in the car all the way there, you will not come to any really harm and it might even work as a release for your feelings....daft I know but crying sometimes works for me. It's a tension release.

Good luck tomorrow and I would try to explain how you are feeling to your b/f but that you are not going to let this stop you going. Tell yourself you are going tomorrow and don't find excuse not to. I know fifty miles seems like a long way but I'm sure this will be a major turning point for you.

[marie1974]

gooluck i know you can do it, you are alot stronger than you think and please let us know how you get on. hugsxxxxxxxx