Need to winge!!

[bottleblond]

Hi folks,

Sorry but i just to winge to people who probably know where i'm coming from.

My mum has taken my son and the dog off to the beach for the day but i am just so damn fed up.

I'm fed up not being a proper mum
I'm fed up being a prisoner in my own home
I'm fed up making excuses all the time
i'm fed up having people do things ie shopping for me
I'm fed up not being normal
I'm fed up with just being so damn fed up all the time.

Ahhhhhhhh that's a wee bit better NOT!!! :doh:

I have a CPN who comes to see me once a fortnight, bless him n all, he's very sweet, but i probably know more about Agoraphobia than he does. It's doing me no good at all.

I really need to break these damn chains and begin to live again but i just don't know how to.

Sorry about that :blush:

Love Lisa
xxxxx

[chalky]

Hi Bond Girl,

Rather than let your focus be on what you can not do, work on what you can do.
You have a wee boy who probably thinks you are the best Mum in the world and he wouldn't swap you for all the tea in China.
Sometimes,we can over-analyse ourselves to death.Let go of all that and be yourself.
It took time to get to the bad times and it will take time to get to the good times.
Be more patient and tolerant of yourself.
Respect yourself for the battles you are fighting.
:hugs: :hugs:
Mwah!
Best wishes,
Chalky

[bottleblond]

Thankyou chalky once again for your very wise words. :hugs:

I'm at the stage now where i'm thinking enough is enough. I wan't to fight this damn thing for me and for Ben. I've sat back and let it get the better of me for too long now and i need to start making an effort and to prove to Ben that i am making an effort.

I'm not expecting to do a huge shop at Asda or walk for a mile over night but i need to do something.

If anyone has been through similar or even has any idea's, i'd love to hear from you coz this gal ain't taking this crap no more :lac:

Love Lisa
xxx

[margaret911]

Hi Lisa
You CAN go out, I know you can, you went to the hospital and was fine. I know what you mean though about making excuses because I do it too. If I plan to go out sometimes on the day I just can't do it but if I do it on impulse I can.
You are a great person and a fantastic mum Lisa and you are one of the kindest people on here, always willing to help and offer support. Keep smiling Lisa,
love Mags xxxxxxxxx:hugs:

[bottleblond]

Margaret,

Thankyou so much hun!! :hugs:

I'm setting myself a task, as from tomorrow, i have to at least go out 3 times per day to start with. Even if it's just walking the dog around my street.

Lots of love
Lisa
xxxxxxxx

[kellie]

yayyyyy to you lisa set them tasks hun and stick to em even if it kills ya lol. remember baby steps can lead to much bigger ones. we want a report every day on what you did and for how long ok. we are all behind you and wishing you all the luck in the world.

keep postive
take care.

kellie.xxxxxxxxxx

[honeybee3939]

Hi Lisa:hugs:

well i think you have already made a positive step by setting yourself some little challenges:yesyes: , and walking around the street is a step forward in the right direction! I was trapped in my home for 2 years, and i broke the habit too making small steps to the end of the street and as the days went by the steps got bigger:yesyes: . I really do understand how hard it can be to make those steps, over the last few weeks i have felt myself going downhill(we are moving home on Friday and i think its the stress of it all)ands it so easy just to say sod it all and not want to go outdoors,but i keep going out and it can be so hard at times, but we cant give in!

Believe me Lisa, just by walking around the block will give you such a boost, so you go for it gal and good luck !:hugs:

Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxxxx

[dawny]

lisa......

....was you talking about me !!!!! i was exactly the same as you hun...and believe me getting angry is the best thing i did......i wasnt going to put up with half a life, or most days not even that....i was so scared of everything....but slowly (baby steps are best), im 99% back to normal....the 1% is anx and panic telling me i can't do stuff....but like you i had had enough.....take a small walk and keep repeating it until you feel comfotable, then go a step further....and lisa, be proud of what you achieve....

i always think if ive read any of your posts that you sound positive....so go get them gal...you can do it...

love dawny

pm me lisa...ill encourage your every step xxxxxx

[bottleblond]

Thankyou so much Kellie, Andrea and Dawny.

You guys are such an inspiration! i hope that i can do as well as you have done!

Thanks again
Lisa
xxx :flowers:

[jodie]

hiya :hugs:

lisa come on mate youra fab mum and you do all you can for ben he sounds like a happy kid who has no probs at all .
i think we all feel we are not doing our best at times dealing with anx and kids is not easy and you do it very well .dont be hard on your self mate your a good mum ....my god look at some mums dont look after there kids at all mate
sounds a good idea for you to try getting out a little you are very strong and you can do it you just have to get your head around what you can do and take somone you trust with you keep thinking of all the places and things you can do in the end mate xxxxxxxxxxxx

jodie xxxxx

[bottleblond]

Thanks Jodie, your a fab mate hun!! :bighug1:

xxxxx

[Piglet]

I'm with you on this one hun.

I decided to go to town yesterday with my youngest and popped my lippie on and checked my bottom in the mirror (does my bum look big in this) got to the front door and decided "It's a bit cold for me today lovie - perhaps next week" ...... sigh!!!

I have been doing pretty well on the agoraphobia front this last year but due to lots of stress the last few months I seem to have lost the desire just at present.

I sort of feel every outing involves slurping rescue remedy, wearing dark glasses and carrying an umbrella, sniffing lavender oil and holding a paper bag and trying to fit a bottle of water, a banana and a flapjack in my handbag.

Sometimes it's just easier to go and play scabble on Facebook.

You'll do it when you want to and so will I - usually involves an incnetive sale at NEXT to help me on the road to recovery. :yesyes:

Love Piglet

[bottleblond]

Piglet :roflmao:

Gal that was fabulous!! you always have had the knack of making me howl with laugter with your wise words.

You seem to be doing fantasticly well, and if i can even get to a fraction of where you are then i'd be a happy, proud mum.

Well done piggy and love to your piglets!!
Thankyou

Love Lisa
xxxxxxxx

[Piglet]

:D

:hugs:

Love Piglet :flowers:

[Pink Panic]

Hiya Lisa, :hugs:

I know exactly how you are feeling today. My wee one went away on the train to Dundee shopping with my Dad today while i stayed at home being babysat :blush: by my Mum Lol (she calls it keeping me company!!)

I can "do" shopping but only if my safe persons with me and he's in the middle of the North Sea right now:weep: BUT i have been getting help to regain my independence with CBT. Only done one session so far but if i pick up any tips i will share them with you hun. :hugs:
Last night i ventured into town with my oldest daughter to pick up our Indian carry out and she told me to go in and get it and wouldn't take no for an answer, so in i go after protesting i can't because i have my jogging bottoms and old t-shirt on, no make up and unkempt hair to be faced with loads of nicely dressed people all glammed up. :ohmy: :blush: :weep:

Even though we can't do all the "normal" (whatever that is) things we are all still good Mums and our kids know that and love us unconditionally.

Good luck with your tasks girl, you will get there in the end.

Love & hugs
Pink
xxx

[kazzie]

Hey Blondie:D

JFDI Girl

Go on I dare you :ohmy:

Deep breath walk out the door and see what happens:D

Well nothing will unless you get lucky:winks:

Kaz x x x:hugs:

[bottleblond]

Pink, Thankyou for sharing your story hun!! I'm just amazed how similar alot of us are! I'm just about to put the dogs lead on and go for trial number one!! :wacko: Thanks again xxxxxx

Kazz pmfsl...thanks mate!!
xxxxxx

[Jaco45er]

Lisa :hugs: You are a terrific mum, and always there for wee chap so less of that talk ;)

You know, that Claire Weekes book talked about agrophobia a lot, and said that the real key to success in repect to overcoming agrophobia is to expose yourself to the fear, and keep "practicing" going out for short periods.

Not sure if you have that book lisa, but it might be worth getting a copy if you don't.

Chin up lass, one day soon you will overcome.

Steve xx

[bottleblond]

:wacko:

Ok this may seem like double dutch to everyone but i i'm going to tell you what i did.

Down to the bottom of the lane, across the path, right around the kick pitch, through the path at the community centre, along the front of the school, past the next block of houses through another lane, acorss the road and back home.

I never meant to go that far and i felt like turning back a few times but i didn't. :yahoo:

i got the whole spinning head thing now. lol
Thanks you lot!!
Love Lisa
xxx

[bottleblond]

Awwwww cheers Steve mate,

Yup that's exactly what i'm doing! I know it's not going to be easy but i'm not turning back now!! I NEED to try and get my life back.

Keep kicking my ass coz i need it. :ohmy:

Love Lisa
xxx

[kazzie]

So you did it:yahoo: :yahoo: :yahoo: :yahoo: :yahoo:

And nothing happened:yahoo: :yahoo: :yahoo:

So keep on doing it:yesyes: :yesyes: :yesyes:

Well done Blondie:hugs:

Luv Kaz x x x:hugs:

[Pink Panic]

Well Done Lisa :yesyes: :yesyes: :yesyes:

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[honeybee3939]

WELL DONE Lisa!!

Wow you really went for it today:yesyes: You keep up the good work!!:yesyes:

Proud of you matey !!:yesyes:

Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxxx

[bottleblond]

Thankyou so much folks! iv'e been out a walk with the dog TWICE so far today!! :yesyes: OK it's not been far as such but i'm going to keep it up till i can go further and further.

Thanks so much for all your help and encouragment!!

:bighug1: :flowers: :bighug1:

Love Lisa
xxxxxxxxx

[dawny]

lisa.....im so proud of you......

keep us posted on your achievements, well done

dawny xxxxx

[eternally optimistic]

Hi Lisa

That all sounds like fighting talk, thats the best place to start - your getting your mind trained..

Are you able to go for a quick walk somewhere, my counsellor always said the moment you get the thought to do something, then go try and do it.

Walking is great for you, it gets all sorts of things going, the body, the mind and continues afterwards.

I starting walking last August when things went a little wrong for me and I am still doing it now, its even toned my legs!!!!!!!!!!! LOL.

I feel a sense of peace when I'm out, but sometimes I dont always feel like doing it but am always glad when I have.

Hope you do well and remember your problems at the moment doesnt make you a bad mum. Kids just need love.

GOOD LUCK

J

[bottleblond]

Dawny, Jay ann

Thanks so much. Ok i may not be walking far at the moment but it's a start :biggrin:

Oh FOUR times i been out now today!! :yahoo:

Love Lisa
xxxxx

[eternally optimistic]

excellent stuff, you gotta start somewhere....

GO GIRL..

BYE

J

[IrishPrincess]

Well done hun,once u start taking the steps theres no going back you'll enjoy it too much:D ,chuffed for ya.

[bottleblond]

Won't be going anywhere today, Ben (my son) is off school with a nasty dose of diarrhea. Oh the joys!! lol

Love Lisa
xxx

[thevoicewithinme]

Lisa, I read your post this morning and it really really hit home, as someone else said, that could of been me writing that.

I have been sat here for last hour or so since reading it, and felt really inspired by you and what you achieved by your walks with your dog, and being me, I wrote a poem (which I do to get my thoughts out) and have just sat here and read it back to myself, and I feel more determined now than ever to beat this damn agoraphobia.

My boyfriend got me a dog three weeks ago, from the City Dog's Home, to help me get out and about, but unfortunately I havent been able to take him out much...but...he is the most loving and affectionate dog anyone could possibley want, and today I am determined that I am going to grab the kids (half term here) and take him for a walk, even if it is just to the bottom of the road.

If you can do it Lisa, then so can I :hugs:

I am routing for you Lisa, just as everyone else here is...good on you.

I hope your son feels better soon hun.

Kaz xxx

P.S. Just wondering now whether to email the poem to my boyfriend at work, I have let a lot of feelings out in it as I usually keep them all to myself...oh the joys eh?

[eternally optimistic]

its not a set back...

theres always tomorrow, the day after and the day after that....

J

[bottleblond]

Kaz :bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:


Thankyou so much for that!!

Just walk to wherever you feel comfortable with. Don't over stretch yourself at the beginning hun or you will just put yourself off. Give yourself a safe distance and keep doing it till it's no longer quite so daunting. Then stretch it just a wee bit further, again till it's not so scarey and so on.

That's the way i am going to do it, it's just Exposure hun only we are doing it ourself and not with cpn ect.

It's not easy but YOU GO GAL!!!! let me know how it goes!!

Lots a love and hugs to you and good luck with your wee dog!!

Lisa
xxxx

[dawny]

kaz and lisa.......

girls i was where you two are....i was soooo scared of going out, even to the corner shop...and the school run...well i can't even go there !!!!!!!

but i kept chipping away, little walks, going out with my mate and i started to get my confidence..well, fours months ago we moved to the isle of skye and before we came i told myself that my agro was not coming with us.

well, i still have days and doubts..but they are far and few between

the reason im telling you this is because, you can do it...its hard work, but guess what i hate staying in now....lol....small steps...youll be amazed !!!!!!

theres a life for you both out there...go grab it girls, youll wonder what heldyou back

take care

dawny

[thevoicewithinme]

Well, I did it...ok I didnt go far, but I left my house, turned left, walked to the bottom of the road, turned left onto the main road and walked to the next road, before turning around and heading back home. Not as far as you managed Lisa, but I did what I was comfortable with and the dog was pretty pleased that he got out for a walk and is now layed sprawled out on the floor by my feet!!
Dawny, thats excellent that you have conquered it :hugs: and that you are determined too that it is not coming back...well done you.

I am going out again today, have already told myself that. I was looking around when out walking the dog, and have already seen where my next goal is going to be once I get comfortable with the walk I am already doing...its not far, just a bit further along the road..but each step is progress right?

Kaz

[bottleblond]

Kaz!!

Well done hun :yahoo:
Just remember that every time you go out that door, it's a step in the right direction. Please don't push yourself too far, too soon though.
My dog was the same yesterday when i took his lead out the drawer, he was like OMG OMG OMG WALKIES!! lol

xxxxx

Dawny!

You live on Skye...i'm officially green with envy!! I adore that place!

xxxxx

[milly jones]

hey arent dogs wonderful

they know how to motivate us, make us feel loved, cuddle us when we are down and accept us for who ever we are

lisa u are one of the kindest ppl i know on nmp, and im aware that i come to u for support and sometimes i forget what ur going thru too

u are a good mum, a lovely person and a fighter, and someone who will win in the end

a huge nmp hug to u hun

take care

milly xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[bottleblond]

Awwww Thanks so much Mills.

:bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:

Love Lisa
xxxx

[dawny]

lisa...you can visit me anytime you like......here in portree

love dawny

[bottleblond]

OMG Not PORTREE of all places?? :lac: I'm soooooooooo Jelous!!

Last time i was there was during the rugby season. It was a blast, the pubs were heaving, the streets were packed and weather was brilliant, oh AND i didn't use the bridge, nope i came across the traditional way :biggrin:

I'm off to sulk lol

Love Lisa
xxx