Clingy??

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

Hi,
I am just curious if anybody else is like this,
I can't remember what it is called now, but I hate it when my Wife walks out of the room, if I am in the kitchen and she comes upstairs I kind of follow.

I didn't even realise I was doing it and we had a little row the other Night and said I was clingy!! I was really upset when she said that, as I say, I wasn't aware I was being like that.

We are very close and have a great marriage (considoring my problems, not only agraphobia and anxiety, but drink problems too which I am getting help for)

Does anyone know what that "disorder" is called, when I saw someone about my drink problem he did ask about that, and my short term memory is not that great at the moment, so I can't remember what he said about it.


Wayne

[lilly-lou]

Hi wayne,
Is it monophobia? not sure if it is but that's a fear of being on your own I know a lot of people who suffer from agoraphobia also suffer from this.

[thevoicewithinme]

Hi Wayne,

I can be a little bit like that too. If my boyfriend is doing stuff in the garden, I am usually found out there with him, if he is doing something indoors, I am usually in the same room as his. I think it's some kind of seperation anxiety...although saying that, I have no problem when he goes out or when he is at work...just tend to be wherever he is when he is at home, but then again I do enjoy his company.

Kaz

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

Hi Kaz,
I do have a problem with my Wife being at work, I am constantly "clock watching"
Its not a jealousy thing, its more I fear that she will have an accident and not come Home at all.
We have a very close relationship, she is very understanding about my problems, sometimes which is understandable she gets a little stressed out and to be honest I dont think she really meant it, but it did make me stand back and scratch my head and think, shite, am I really clingy like that.

I think I said on another thread (I think! my memory is crap recently) that I feel like a todler sometimes and need her to hold my hand and guide me in the right direction, if that makes sence?


Wayne

[thevoicewithinme]

Hello again Wayne,

Yes it does make a lot of sense what you are saying, or at least to me it does :) You are sooooo lucky that your wife can understand how you are feeling and also what you are going through, she must be someone very very special:)

I also feel that I need guidance from my boyfriend, sadly though he is struggling very hard to understand what I have become.

Kaz

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

Thanks Kaz and thanks Lilly-lou

Yes Kaz she is very special,
We have only been together just over 2 Years and married December just gone, its like I say to her, its so Ironic that I have finaly met my soul mate and someone that I love to bits and I am not well!

Wayne

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

Following on,
When I first moved in with my Wife we both had ebay bussiness, both worked together at Home, and she thinks I got worse with my drinking when she had to go out to work and I think she is right.

We both hate being appart! (get the violins out! LOL)

[thevoicewithinme]

Awww you and your wife are so obviously very much in love.

You will get through this Wayne, and it will be made a lot easier with the love and support that your wife gives you.

Kaz

[bottleblond]

Wayne

I used to be like this too, but i have gone in the opposite direction now. When i'm feel panicy.. i just want to be on my own!! It's all swings and roundabouts mate!!

Try not to worry, now that you are aware of it, you maybe be able to alter your movements!!

Good luck

Love Lisa
xxx

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

Thanks Guys,
Yes Lisa I agree,
She kind of feels bad for telling me, but I clearly was upset that she thought that way, but like I said to her, I am glad she told me as like you say, I can alter my behaviour.

Wayne

[lukgem]

hello,just a note on the clingy issue,i think everyone should remember that being clingy puts exterme pressure on the other partner in the relationship and can lead to them ending up detesting the sight of you and loving you at the same time,confused?i am:)

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

Yes I agree and kind of dissagree in our situation, I think she said that out of anger (Saying i'm to clingy) but I understand what you mean, but my Wife and I have a quite unique relationship, she needs to be with me just as much, her previous marraige had no closeness, I meant to say a different word but couldnt remember it.
I give her so much attention and love, she enjoys it and frigging well deserves it, she is a lovely Women.

We met in what you would say, not the normal circumstances, I will expand if anyone is interested in how we met!! LOL

[Bill]

Clinging is caused by a general sense of insecurity.

When I was in the pram, my mother says I couldn't be left because I'd scream. As a toddler, I'd follow her everywhere, even sitting outside the loo for her. I Hated being left on my own.

This is something I've always lived with. I still don't enjoy my own company but I do cope ok without any anxious feelings.

We cling because we feel anxious alone but clinging in itself can create anxiety because our fear never allows us to learn how to cope alone.

Also, when we meet someone we adore, we want to be with them all the time and so can miss them terribly when they're not around. However, we not only miss them but we worry about their safety because of our fear of losing them.

When we move in together, we feel we have all we've ever desired but the more we have, the more we fear losing everything so our anxiety levels increase making us more clingy. It's rather a vicious circle.

Also though, when we are clingy we can appear controlling because our own insecurity can affect our partners freedom and this can cause resentment if the partner doesn't understand the reasons behind our behaviour.

To ease our own anxiety, we need to "let go" and allow our partner freedom by trusting them to look after themselves and by keeping busy when they're not around.

However, when we find something or someone special to us, it's natural to want to spend every precious second with them. It's just finding the right balance for the health and wellbeing of both partners.