Time on my hands.... yikes!

[Insomniac]

Does anyone else find holiday time hard? I'm on half term holiday from school where I work as a classroom assistant. Some days I feel that all the unfilled time looms large and I wonder what I will do. How will I get through all those days.

Don't get me wrong.... I love being on holiday from work, but sometimes the what-ifs start hanging around. I've made good use of my time because I've had a big clear out upstairs and my kitchen is now gleaming - but there's only so much cleaning I can do. I have an allergy to dusting! There's more to life ha ha.

Also because I am relaxing in some ways I've eaten a little more chocolate than usual. Hubby bought me some lovely milk chocolate - which is more sugary than dark choc - it was delicious but now I feel shaky and restless. And I'm just getting over an ectopic pregnancy which resulted in miscarriage. I know my feelings are all there. I can't decide what to do next. :shrug: Do we try again? Can I really get off these meds? I felt terrible before when reducing. And pregnancy hormones didn't help. I got from 30mg to 20mg no problem, but find it hard to take any less. :scared15:

We talked about adoption before. We have one daughter and want siblings for her (and us to love).:blush: But surely this mental illness would be a problem. Wouldnt they prefer someone more stable??:huh:

Oh so many questions. See what happens when your mind has too much time! Any suggestions welcome.

[Kate408]

If you and your hubby are seriously thinking about adoption, why don't you use some of your extra energy into finding out about it? I honestly don't know whether the fact you have panics would be an issue, but you could always find out.
Try to keep yourself busy this half-term. Are their community projects on? Is your daughter also on half-term? Could you both go out for the day somewhere?
I know what you mean about having too much time to think etc, and in my experience, thinking about it in that way is not constructive. If we have something to think about, it's good to write it down, and spend only a certain amount of time thinking about it - or it will swallow us up. Then spend the rest of the time doing something else. I know easier said than done, but I think it is important to try.
Anyway, I'd best be off, I haven't got much time (i'm at work).
Hope this made sense :)
xxx

[Insomniac]

Yes it does make sense Kate. Thank you.

We are going to the library today, then to visit my mum & dad. Not sure about tomorrow but hey, I'm on holiday. ... I'll plan when I see the weather.

Thanks again.

[andie73]

Hi Lisa

I know extactly where you're coming from. I had miscarriage two years ago and it's hell to decide to try again. We are trying again but I deviate wildly between wanting to be pregnant and being terrified. Not only do I fear another miscarriage but I have a phobia about being sick and hospitals, so pregnancy is very scary. Having the miscarriage just reinforced this fear.

We did look into adoption and the depression thing wasn't a major factor provided your doctor passes you as fit to care for children during your medical, as you already have a child that will go along way in your favour. However the adoption agency will probably say it is far too soon after your miscarriage. They said that to us a year after. But every agency is different. One thin I would say is that it is a incredibly invasive and stressful process and certainly not easy. It takes about a year from initially enquiring and approval, which is before a board of 12 or so people.

I am in no way trying to put you off but it is very soon to be thinking of putting yourself through what is required. Believe me it is a long hard road and there are many considerations. It could also be very difficult for your birth child as she will be interviewed too, and adopted children can be quite challenging in terms of their behaviour until they settle in etc. This is only understandable as most haven't had a good start in life, which is why they are looking for adoptive parents.

We were very heavily into the whole adoption thing and went through the assessment proceeedure for nine months, we pulled out after careful consideration and after advice that we hadn't given ourselves enough time after the miscarriage. We know that we can always return to adoption again if we still feel that we could be adoptive parents in the future as there is not an upper age limit. This is something you need to consider as there is no rush to go into this so soon after your miscarriage.

If you want to pm me I would be so glad to hear from you as I have been exactly where you are now.

I am so sorry for your loss, I know what a difficult time it is.