Tormented, annoyed, angry and above all, fed up

[Jaco45er]

One last hurdle, one that I can't overcome.

Being away for a break or holiday.

I just returned from a few days in Dorset, where I spend most of my time smiling at all the friends that met up there, while enduring this crap, no reason for, grrrr freaking anxiety.

Why is it, as soon as I go somewhere for a break, I get extreme tension, can't think straight, head pressure, chest pressure and feelings of dispair.

I can't get my head around why I feel like this, but if anyone else knows why, or suffers the same, I would like to know.

Regards,

Jaco

[milly jones]

hey jaco, u went away well done.

it is hard i hate leaving my safe comfortable home too.

i hate having to chit chat to ppl as i cant relax

i think that being away is out of ur control zone and therefore it raises anx

we always have the rule that if i want time away from the others or even want to go home i can, but i must go in the first place and at least try and face my fears.

u did that, no small feat for someone with anx

best wishes

millyx

[erialc]

Hey Jaco,

I dont get this so much now but I have been worse with health anx when away.
I spoilt my honeymoon due to anx - was convinced I had something bad and that was going to be my last holiday!!! Spent most of the time in a day dream or in tears (wow great start to married life eh lol he musta thought gawd can I take her back and get a refund lol)
I have been on a few holidays since!!!! (He obviously is a gluten for punishment lol)

I think it is partly being out of your comfort zone that does it.
Now I tend to not book too far in advance (have a real thing about planning - it sets my anx off) it helps a bit. Oh and flying dont get me started on that.

Sorry you had a rough time away xxx
Its over now, put it behind you and onwards and upwards :):bighug1:

Claire xx

[nomorepanic]

Jaco

It is cos you leave your comfort zone so what you have to do is transfer your comfort zone to that place.

I did this with work. Driving between the 2 was a nightmare but once I got there I told myself that I was safe.

I do this with holidays now - I make sure that I reassure myself that the new place (the holiday) is just as safe as home.

It is not easy but can be done!

[Cathy V]

Hi Jaco, sorry to hear you had a bad time away. I have no words of comfort for you really as i tend to be the opposite and feel reasonably ok on holiday. Its the getting there and back that makes me very anxious, and can take twice the time coz i have to have frequent breaks. Once there i'm ok as long as i'm not expected to go too far from the hotel or caravan site or whatever.

Youve always had words of wisdom for me and i'm sorry i have none for you just now but i wanted you to know that i'm thinking of you, as we all are.

Cathy xxx :hugs:

[Cathy V]

Nic, we were obviously thinking the same thing at the same time. In fact reading your story when i first joined was like reading about myself, the anx was so much the same.

Cathy V :)

[maddie]

Hi Jaco

From reading the other responses, it seems we all agree that it's to do with feeling out of control and out of our comfort zones.

I find that establishing a little routine in my day, similar to home , helps. Like having quiet time with my wake-up cup of tea, always having a 1/2 hour rest after lunch (possible even in a car or just sitting people watching in a shopping centre). I also take something from home - a pillow case to put on the bed, the room freshener we use so the bedroom smells right.

These things give me comfort and a sense of being in control of my environment. I also do an internet search of where I am going so I have seen pictures and can visualise where I will be.

Hope some of these might help on your next trip! :)

[Hope 2]

Hi Jaco

At least yah went away, good on u. I agree with the others that it defo sounds like your anxiety is cos you were out of yr comfort zone which can make us feel we r less in control of things hence the increase in anxiety.

Another angle which I thought of when u spoke of smiling at others. I don't go away for various reasons, but I do occasionally meet and mix with people I know and don't know. So I guess I am coming from an different comfort zone side of things. When I find myself in these situations, I can't be myself as the anxiety gets in the way. Guess wot I am trying to say is cos u feel as you do inside and u r having to pretend? to these people, could that be a part of yr increase in symptoms. For me it's a case of I feel I don't fit in usually and im the freak in the group and this makes me real uncomfortable and nervous.

Cheerio
Hope xx

[Jaco45er]

Thanks for the replies all, as always it's appreciated.

I know what you are saying about the comfort zone thing, but I drive all over the place for work, and meet different people, do different stuff with only the merest of anxiety.

As soon as I go on a holiday or a break, I suffer from terrible physical anxiety until I get home (24 hours back home and feel not too bad now).

I have had this for as long as I can remember, I am off to Menorca for a week in August and already I am thinking about ways to cope.

Surely it can't be agrophobia, it must be something to do with holidays, I can even work away from home and be fairly OK.

I can't for the life of me work it out, but I am wondering if some type of therapy, like hypnosis might help.

Or dare I google anxiety and holidays, then again, the last time I googled something I was convinced I was pregnant ;)

TC

Jaco

P.S. It's now become a mission to find out why and overcome this Holdiday anxiety

[Cathy V]

Jaco you always make me smile :D but about your prob with holiday anx...just a thought but could it be that when you're away with work you're using up more of the adrenaline that we anxies seem have in bucketloads? Adrenaline is natural when going about to meetings and moving about working and interacting in the workplace etc, but when on holiday you're expected to slow right down (unless you're on an activity hol that is) and if you slow down too much theres nowhere for the adrenaline to go really, so apart from the odd swim in the pool its still there waiting to be used up...so maybe thats why you get the symptoms of anx? and because its happened afew times you're waiting for it every time....and sure enough, there it'll be!:scared15:

Maybe if you try to burn off any adrenaline while you're away with a swim or a bike ride and then a boogie every evening in the disco lol! :yahoo:

Hope this helps just abit anyway
Cathy xxx

[The Fool]

jaco i do this at home to or anywere i feel fine and then i get struck down with painc for no reason i dont no why!

[maddie]

Jaco do you put on a jacket or any type of uniform for work? I used to wear a uniform. As soon as I put it on, my persona changed. I was a professional and my personal life wasn't with me whilst I worked.

It could be that you have learnt to cope with work & meeting people because you have had to, but you have departmentalised yourself - the worker and the home man. Your energy is used maintaining the working face. Changes to your home life, like holidays, are just too much - you've nothing left in reserve to deal with them. Perhaps you don't even want to go, but can't say no. That in itself is enough to trigger anxiety.

[Lilith1980]

Hey Jaco

Sorry, I dont have any words of wisdom right now but big hugs to you :hugs: :hugs:

You should be proud that you went away. I know you went through the anxiety but you didnt let it stop you going ;)

Jo xxxxx

[Coni]

Jaco, I agree with Maddie...when I go to work I 'become' that person...even though I no longer wear uniform....I cope with lots of things at work...in fact feel much better while working actually.....but when I 'take off' that persona and become me, thats when the problems start....maybe that would explain why you're ok with work trips.....I have no idea why holidays etc are so difficult...Im sure the others are right and its something to do with feeling safe....Im exactly the same, even a night away brings me out in a sweat lol!

luv Coni XX

[Lindalou64]

Hey Jaco Sorry Ya Felt That Way I Believe Well For Me Anyways Im Like You Can Work Drive Ect But When Its Time To Relax Ect I Get Anxious ...maybe Its Cause We Are Out Of Our Routine And Dont Know How To Just Let Go And Relax....if I Can Figure This 1 Out I Will Let Ya Know And If You Do Let Me Know....we Wil Get There..........wish Ya Well Hun Tc Xxxx...........linda

[Jaco45er]

I don't wear a uniform, I have a strange job tbh. I work for myself, and can split up what I do into 4, being, working on paperwork at home, out suited up hunting for work, out doing technical (networking) stuff and even out in my van (when I have to) on building sites customer premises doing more labour intensive stuff.

So it's not like I have any routine, I can be out of the house for 16 hours in a day, or work for home for 2 weeks constant (well, when I say work ;)).

I think I will have to increase going to the gym a month or so before I go on this holiday, and beyond that see if I can find some other form of therapy.

I did google (I know I know) and did read about Yoga as a form of therapy purely for holiday anxiety, and a couple of other sites too, so I am thinking it is not all that uncommon.

We will see.

TC Jaco

[erialc]

Hey if you are gonna try yoga, I have to say the wii fit is good (I didnt fancy donning a leotard and joining a class with loads of thin people who can put their leg behind their head lol) and can't see u in a leotard :roflmao:

You could use it in the day when you are ahem meant to be working :winks: leading up to the holiday see if it helps.
If not, change the name on the holiday and I will go in your place :shrug:just an idea :winks:

:bighug1:Claire

[joannap]

hi. i have a mini breakdown everytime i go away - for me - i feel its a build up of stress and then when i am on hoiday with no routine, no work, no having got anything i "have" to do - it allows all this stress to surface and WHAM - i cannot tell you the amount of times i have ended up at a strange gp's!!!!!

i think the thing for me is to not allow the stress and strain of everyday life to build up so that when i stop i don't crash. i have to say it has put me off going on holiday and the thing is i always look forward to going so i am def not nervous beforehand.

[Franz]

Jaco,

I wonder if you're worried about not enjoying yourself on holiday, and that fear becomes self-fulfilling? Maybe I'm miles off, it was just a thought. But there's nothing like the feeling "I should be enjoying myself" to make one's life a misery.

I went interrailing when I was 19 and I became obsessed that I might not enjoy it. Sure enough, the trip was a disaster, I went into a tailspin of depression and ended up coming home early.

F

[Hope 2]

Hey folks


Francis .... I so know wot you meant with that 'thought' you shared, made me smile with the familiarity.

Jaco............wot do u reckon eh ? We will 'crack' yah yet he he.

Laters
Hope xx

[Jaco45er]

I do feel under pressure to enjoy a holiday, you might have something there Francis.

I am still googling around for more info.

It's an interesting thought, having a safe place that is portable lol

[bottleblond]

Jaco mate

Even before i became agarophobic again, holidays and short breaks would be a nightmare for me. Even a night at a family friends 30 miles down the road was a daunting prospect, Lovely as it was to visit these friends, as soon as night time was upon us, i just wanted home, my own house, my own things around me, my own comfort zone.

You mention that you travel for work and are ok with that, but hun that's because you know you'll be going back home at night to be with your family in your own home.

I took Ben to Blackpool for his 7th birthday, was great during the day but come night time when sat in our hotel room drove me round the bend.

What you are feeling is totaly natural mate so please don't beat your self up over it. Your fab and your coping with your anxiety amazingly. Just wish i had half your strength!!!

Loads a love
Lisa
xxxx

[PUGLETMUM]

:) hey jaco, have you asked yourself whether this is a conditioned response??? i have read of your unease about breaks and holidays before, and as it has happened again you could question why this is happening? but it is more likely there is no other explanation than your brain asociates holidays with anxiety and discomfort therefore every time you even think about non work related travel you have a phobic conditioned response which means you are secreting adrenaline into your system without you being aware of it, then you start to connect the physical sensations of anxiety to the physical activity of going away on holiday and wham you are straight away plunged into anxiety because your mind has become conditioned to do this - holiday thoughts equal mild physical anxiety equals signal to the brain that holidays are harmful to you equals more anxiety and adrenaline equals further heightened anxiety and then all the emotional responses that feeling anxious for no real reason brings on??? if this is the case, cbt will help you to conquer this fear by learning to recognise this fear for what it is and then learning new ways of dealing with this stress response when you are away? however from my own personl experience it takes as long to recover as it took to develop the phobia in the first place so dont expect miracles from cbt - it needs permanent dedication to challenging your negative thoughts around a phobic situation - good luck, emma:winks:

[jodie]

hiya

i dont have much to say as everyone has said it all really .
i to hate going away the feeling of doom starts as soon as i get there just the thought of my routine been stopped and having to deal with being around ppl and not being able to explain if i feel a pa coming on .
i went away last year and felt just as you do i was so upset that i even made my hub bring me home early i felt horrid as my little girl was having such a nice time ,so the fact that you stayed even though you were feeling so crap is really good well done you :hugs:

jodie xx