Hello Everyone

[mayonnaise]

I'm Nicola and have been on anti-depressants on and off for about ten years. I was put back on them last year due to depression. My close friend has terminal cancer and my dad is now a paraplegic with no diagnosis. He was a builder and was always the life the soul of the party and now alot of the time he is bed because of his legs. A couple of months ago I started feeling panicky and feeling really angry which is strange as I am and have always been a very placid person. I began to cry at stupid things like getting too many phone calls at work to the fact that I had to leave home to go to work. I start CBT next Monday andd have been off work for 3 weeks. I do make myself go out but only somewhere quick and nowhere dark and small. My hands shake, my heart races and I cry. My husband has and is brilliant with me and very understanding. Even typing this after reading peoples stories my hands are shaking.
Anyway, I am going to get better and I want to get better. I can't hide forever.

[Cathy V]

Hi mayonnaise nichola, well done you for such a positive first post. Sorry to hear about your worry over your dad, and i'm in the same situation with my brother Andy. He's 51 now, but about 5 years ago he noticed his right leg was dragging abit when he was playing football (he played football for a local team in liverpool most of his life!) and from then on his legs just got weaker and weaker. He has had various tests, lumbar puncture, MRi's etc and theyve never made a positive diagnosis, only that he comes under the paraplegic umbrella. He now walks with 2 crutches and a wheelchair waits in the corner of his l'room, but he really doesn't want to use it until he cant walk another step.

The closest weve got ourselves to finding a name for it is something called Strompel Lorraine Syndrome' or Spastic Paraplegia. These are the nearest matches for the symptoms we found online. Its very hard to watch someone who was very active become so disabled. I'm now living in germany but i talk to him on the fone and we email etc. He still has his sense of humour but its hard for him and he can get very depressed. He now lives in a small flat within a warden-controlled complex and i think he's the youngest person there but he feels he didn't get the support he needed living out in the community and feels safer in the home.

I hope you find all the support you need on here...you're not alone.
Cathy xxx :welcome:

[Cathy V]

....PS- and i'm really sorry to hear about your close friend. Again you'll find alot of support with this subject on nmp. Alot of members have had experience of cancer in some way in their own lives too.

Cathy xx :hugs:

[yorkylover]

Hi Mayo and :welcome: you will get lots of support here and friendly advise.Sorry to hear about your friend and your dad.:bighug1:

[Southern_Belle]

Hi Nicola,

Welcome to the site. Wow, you have a lot to deal with right now. Many here will understand how you are feeling and you will get support. I'm glad you are starting CBT on Monday and that your hubby is so supportive too.

Many hugs,

Laura

[Lindalou64]

Hello Nicola Welcome Sorry To Hear About Ya Friend And Dad.....i Wish Ya Well...........linda

[kellie]

Hiya Nicola :welcome: to nmp its lovely to have you here :biggrin: .
You will get lots of support/advice/reasurance and make some great friends along the way. hope to talk to you soon in chat.
take care :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

kellie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[milly jones]

hi hun,

youve no need to hide here, we all understand

welcome to nmp

millyxx

[chalky]

Hi Nicola,

Welcome to the Forum.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

You will get loads of support and advice here.
Best wishes,
Chalky