Honest with anxiety worrying me

[phil06]

I posted something like this before:

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=26926

I just seem to be too honest about things since my panic attacks got worse. I end up blurting out what's on my mind causing offense and just can't seem to keep any thoughts good or bad to myself anymore.

I'm sure it must be anxiety because I just feel I need to confess all my thoughts, fears, what i think of people which puts them off me on a date.

Can anybody relate to how I'm feeling or what's best to deal with it? I'm going through a stage of staying in alot which may not help. I have worries daily at the moment and I feel drained and tired and not great with all the anxiety. :unsure:

[befuddled1]

Hi Phil,
Do you find that you are more anxious when you want to 'blurt something out', and that letting it out is a bit of a release from anxiety?
Do you have particular things that you worry about? From reading your post and your previous post, it seems like this might be about worrying about what others think/will think of you and how that relates to your view of yourself. I hope that makes sense.
I have some anxiety around social worries and I experience something which is a bit similar I think. I find I feel uncomfortable about not being completely honest with people but at the same time if I was honest I may well really worry about what I had said and how it had affected their opinion of me.
What you have described sounds very much like anxiety to me.
Let me know what you think.
Befuddled (Beth)

[phil06]

Hi Phil,
Do you find that you are more anxious when you want to 'blurt something out', and that letting it out is a bit of a release from anxiety?
Do you have particular things that you worry about? From reading your post and your previous post, it seems like this might be about worrying about what others think/will think of you and how that relates to your view of yourself. I hope that makes sense.
I have some anxiety around social worries and I experience something which is a bit similar I think. I find I feel uncomfortable about not being completely honest with people but at the same time if I was honest I may well really worry about what I had said and how it had affected their opinion of me.
What you have described sounds very much like anxiety to me.
Let me know what you think.
Befuddled (Beth)

Yep I think I suffer from all types of anxiety like a bit of them all, panic attacks, social, obsessive. When I am telling them I just worry they will need to find out in case they don't want to talk to me or know me later down the line so I blurt it out like a burst and I feel better.

I think it's just got a bit of a habit and I end up saying before thinking. If i think something bad on a date I feel maybe I should not give them a chance as I've struggled since I split with my ex a year ago. I've found it hard to move on and settle for something else. I think it could be a lack of self confidence and a bit of anxiety. I have had some disappointments so I feel down if i think over them.

My main worry is probably a common anxiety one just the future, where I will be in a year, 5 years time as I have no idea on career, if I will have money, if I will learn to drive. I then get a fear of me doing nothing for years which makes me rush into relationships sometimes meaning I end up myself.

People have told me not to mention everything right away, and to relax and enjoy myself. I have bad days meeting new people where I can be too shy and others I talk a little more and goes fine and others i get anxiety I think and say the wrong things which can offened.

I've managed to meet people without telling people everything but the more I like a person and talk to them I feel I need to tell them more in case they found me out when they were in a relationship with me.

I had the problem i n a relationship where I was too honest if they never looked nice one day or I would be picky and other days I would not mind. Since I've became single if the lassie is not perfect I have ended up really fussy. My anxiety just feeds on all my past and worrying of things going mad in the future.

I know I need to relax and be careful what I am saying to people but I'm not sure what is best to do, exercise, healthy eating or finding a a new job? :huh:

[befuddled1]

Hi Phil
You seem to be quite critical of yourself in what you say. You talk about saying the 'wrong' thing, and being 'found out' and 'needing to relax and be careful what you are saying'. You are using quite strong terms here, which may only feed into anxiety. I do this too, worry about being 'found out' and saying the 'wrong' thing, but I know (or I try to understand) that really there isn't a right or wrong thing to say. Saying that you have said the wrong thing may only make you feel bad about yourself.
I understand you wanting to be completely honest with someone when you meet them so that you don't end up getting hurt further down the line. I think it's fine to tell them you have issues with anxiety etc, but I guess you don't have to specify exactly what they are. I'm no expert on social interactions, but maybe it can make some people uncomfortable if you tell them lots of very personal stuff about yourself when you've only just met. (It's usually something that might come a bit later on a relationship, and it could make it seem like you feel closer to them than they feel to you.) That's just an idea really, but I think it may make some sense?
It maybe that finding a job/exercise/healthy eating may help with this issue if it acts as a distraction and gives you something else to focus on. However, if it's an ongoing issue that's not likely to be solved in that way, perhaps you could talk to your GP about getting some further help, like CBT/counselling.
Sorry have babbled on a bit.
Hope that's of some help.
Beth

[phil06]

Hi Phil
You seem to be quite critical of yourself in what you say. You talk about saying the 'wrong' thing, and being 'found out' and 'needing to relax and be careful what you are saying'. You are using quite strong terms here, which may only feed into anxiety. I do this too, worry about being 'found out' and saying the 'wrong' thing, but I know (or I try to understand) that really there isn't a right or wrong thing to say. Saying that you have said the wrong thing may only make you feel bad about yourself.
I understand you wanting to be completely honest with someone when you meet them so that you don't end up getting hurt further down the line. I think it's fine to tell them you have issues with anxiety etc, but I guess you don't have to specify exactly what they are. I'm no expert on social interactions, but maybe it can make some people uncomfortable if you tell them lots of very personal stuff about yourself when you've only just met. (It's usually something that might come a bit later on a relationship, and it could make it seem like you feel closer to them than they feel to you.) That's just an idea really, but I think it may make some sense?
It maybe that finding a job/exercise/healthy eating may help with this issue if it acts as a distraction and gives you something else to focus on. However, if it's an ongoing issue that's not likely to be solved in that way, perhaps you could talk to your GP about getting some further help, like CBT/counselling.
Sorry have babbled on a bit.
Hope that's of some help.
Beth

Thanks for the reply I think it's just family and friends saying I need to relax and not being anxious or i won't find anybody which has made me feel that way. I know I need to relax a little and would like to.

I think a job would help long term. I guess I should just ease off telling people everything right away and let the more detailed stuff come out later down the line and take a risk that i wont get hurt.

I have had a bit of therapy to deal with the anxiety and when I was unable to go out which helped but just had a little anxiety from thoughts and worrying and the more it worries me the more anxious i seem to get.

[marie1974]

hi phil i do think u r quite critical of yourself and i think u worry so so much wot people think. just be yourself and if people like u great if they dont too bad, thats how i see life now with help from my cbt. i am not changing i can talk loads, i can be a bit too honest, make a show of myself, be a little to open with people and i worry, but not now, who cares phil, honestly just be yourself and people will like u for that and once u get a job u will get more confident, but just be u, u have nothing to prove to anyone xxx hugs xxx