Got Myself in a state

[juanna]

:unsure: I feel really unsure about my life at the minute. My husband is not violent ,and is really sweet ;but we don't have a lot in common. We've been married for 17 years, and i feel like the parent in this relationship; and not sure i want this type of thing anymore; i make most of the decisions; and he relies heavily on me for most things. If something goes wrong it's my fault; he would let himself go; if i didn't get onto him about his appearance; we don't have many friends; because he's either really quiet or drones on and pisses people off. We have two dogs, and two cats, all of who are adorable; and i feel he wouldn't manage without me but sometimes i feel like disappearing ;but my concience keeps me here. God i don't know what i want; and maybe a lot of people would kill to have what i've got. We don't have much of a sex life as i just don't want to most of the time. I kinda feel trapped and love him to bits; just not sure whether i love him like a husband. Well that sort of the jist of it.... HELP !!! Any thoughts or suggestions welcome.. Juanna

[Zingara]

Not an easy one! Most people in long term relationships go through times when they feel unsure about their partner, and even doubt that they still love him/her. Seventeen years is a long time and sometimes you can feel that all the excitement and surprise have gone after all that time! I'm guessing that you have some sort of anxiety/panic type problem at the moment since you're on this forum? If so, that can make it very difficult to see things clearly and can cause you to feel dissatisfied and frustrated. I'm guessing really... does your husband know how you feel? Perhaps you could talk to him about it, maybe try couples counselling? Hope things get better, let us know how things go. x

[Tom_M]

You've got to be very lucky to get a partner who you love as well as respect. Usually what happens is that you either get a partner who you respect but don't really love in a sexual way. Or you get partner who his a right ba***rd, but you love. Me, I'm a boring type of bloke, but I'm a rock who my wife can always rely on. I know she loves me as a person, but not as a lover. It's not that I'm ugly or anything, it's because I'm so easy - there's no emotional incentive drive for her to keep me, as I'm totally available.

I'll never really understand women though. We have women in our neighbourhood who's husbands beat them now and again, but they worship them :blush:. The only thing I can think the attraction is, that some women are attracted to the caveman type of man:doh:

Tom

[millyimp]

You sound like a gem of a man Tom...

Juanna, only you can tell what your real true feelings are for your Husband.I know I was married to a good man,when I decided to leave him,I left because I felt more of a sister to him than a wife,I cared about him ,but the love I had for him was no longer there,we had been married for 48 years when I separated from him.A very very long time and it took a long time to make and take that decision.I filed for divorce last Oct,and it became final this January,what I will say to you is simply,you must do what your heart tells you,yes it can be hard after being in a marriage for so long,but I have never regretted being married to him,nor have I regretted,separating or Divorcing.
take care
millyimp

[flowerhorn]

After being together for so long, you sure to feel bored. I am also in the same situation. You will take things for granted! Everything is so sweet and nice and you feel there is no challenge in life.

But if you know someone who is in an relationship that is less blissful, then only you will appreciate what you have. So reflects back to the time when you get to know each other and you will count your blessings.

Don't let things go out of control and when it is too late, you will regret it. Try to introduce some new things in your relationships like maybe having a candlelight dinner or doing something different. It will create something new and you will find a new beginning.

[Tom_M]

Well the situation with me and the misses is, I got me cabin in the garden where I do my programming and electronic stuff. She's got the telly so she can watch all the soaps. And as long as I don't disturb her watching her virtual reality on the telly, and she doesn't bother me in my inner sanctum, we get a long fine. Really. I'm happy as a pig in dirt stuck in here on my own. The wife is too. If she as her cig's and the telly, she's just fine. Pathetic isn't it? But you have to be happy with what you have, and we don't have that much.

Tom

[mandie]

Hi Juanna

Difficult one this!

Its easy to get stuck in a rut specially as u been married for quite a time.

What about going away for the weekend and talking to your husband and telling him how u feel?

Wot about counselling.

Hope u decide what to do as im sure it cant be helping your anxiety.

love mandie x