View Full Version : What would you do?
Hi
I just need you guys out there to talk to me. As I have said previously I have had panic attacks, depression and lots of other associated problems for a year now.
I knew something was different about how I felt and coped in situations last May but in July it came to a head where I had a terrible panic attack in front of 3 friends before going to meet a large group of our work colleagues for a meal.I could not breathe, hyperventilated, vomited and basically felt embarrased for weeks after and only discussed it with one of these 3.
One friend persuaded me to still go, but I cannot tell you in detail anything that happened for 3 hours that evening, i remember drinking water and feeling i would never eat again.I couldnt swallow and really did think I was going to die.
After that I avoided going anywhere and stayed at home all the time which was hard for my husband as we used to go out every saturday.But he has been brilliant not insisting we go out now, just takes the answer "I dont want to"
A couple of weeks ago, i had my first visit out, I went to a friends makeup party. I had everything under control, I said I would go early before everybody else arrived and leave early, probably after an hour. It turned out I had a really good night because I knew I could go whenever and was in control, found the way out as soon as i went in etc I stayed out late and enjoyed the relaxed atmosphere.Actually felt normal again.
Now,... on Friday this week there is a night out. They expect me to go because i have jumped one hurdle but the thought of it makes me feel sick, breathe funny and want to hide until Saturday. they are being very persuasive, they really are a wonderful group, but like I say a big group.
I do feel I miss out on life as I was always the one who organised these events and had name up first etc , now I dont know what to do, I feel I cant go but should I try. I am worried about a whole repeat performance of last July which I still feel I have not recovered from as I cannot explain my difficulties to everybody and I think some people thought I was just drunk.
I still suffer from panic attacks but mainly over WHAT IFS ratrher than things that have happened.
Thanks to all of you that have read to the end, any advice would be appreciated. Thanks Alexis.
Hi Alexis
I have been where you are and have many regrets i didnt go out with my friends when i know now that they would have supported me. If it is close to home where you can get yourself home if it isnt going well, try it. Isnt it better to regret you did it than regret you didnt. But that is my personality and we arent all the same.
I am at the phase in my life now where it isnt a dress rehearsal its the real thing and to get that is to go out and find and live my life to the best advantage that will help me get back on the road i fell off.
I do hope you decide to go and it turns out to be a good night and your confidence helps you even more.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
alexis,
well done on the night out......sounds like it did you the world of good.......you should be proud of yourself.........and now the chance of another night out......
understand you worry...the big group and the bad memories.....but i hope you find the strength to go as am sure yet again youd have a great night and move a step further along the ladder.......
i know all about the waht ifs...think they were created by me!!! lol.....but now.....well im gonna ignore them as they are only what ifs.........bit like what if i won the lottery!!! not likely bit like most of our worries.......
good luck.
doddy
Sarah-Jane
13-04-05, 09:10
Would be great if you could manage to go out and see how things go if you start feeling uneasy just go back to the comfort of your home and hubby. if you dont try you wont know! Posotive thoughts go a long long way, the worry of going out and the what if i go into panic will make you feel even more anxious and not help your feelings. Hope you get on ok and have a fab night out ...let us know how you get on xxxx
Love Sarah-Jane xxxx
Hi alexis,
Think to yourself, would i want to go if i did not feel like this, if the answer is yes, then think about all the reasons why you would want to go. ie i'd see my people i havent seen for a while, a chance to get dressed up (wash your hair lol), going somewhere nice maybe have a bite to eat, thinking well yes i wud prob, have a laugh, tec tec all the good things you can think of, and right them down if you feel bad read them,
at the end of the day it is your choice you can go if you want or stay at home wondering what everyone else is doing, you only have to stay an hour tell people u might not be staying long so u dont have to make excuses if you want to leave,
Oh ok i take the hint i'll come with you ok xxxxx (wish )
kairen x
Hi Alexis
Well done you for climbing that first mountain:D
OK - it sounds to me like you want to go but the idea of it being a whole evening is overwhelming.
I have found the following a great help, I will try to explain it as best as I can but if you have any questions just holler. I have been breaking tasks down into smaller, more controlable task. An example, on Saturday I needed to do a mega food shop at a huge local Asda. Woke up full of anxiety and though NO I CAN'T do it, felt sick dizzy yada yada! So I broke it down - Do I feel able to get showered and ready YES - did that, do I feel able to drive to the shopping centre if I don't have to go in, YES - did that, once there Ange do you feel up for just going in and getting the essential just for tonight, YES - did that, before I knew it I had comfortably done the whole shop and even browsed the clothes with my girlies. I have been using this technique for a couple of weeks now and it really helps because I know, I am in control and can change the situation into one where I am comfortable at a moments notice.
Perhaps, say to yourself I will get ready to go then see how I feel if not up to it I just wont go simple, then OK I feel fine I will go but just stay for a little while, after all I can always leave if I want or need too. I also take an emergency handbag kit, mobile phone, change, small bottle of water, chewing gum, and some postcards with positive words like I CAN ALWAYS GO HOME IF I WANT TO. If feeling anxious when out - read them.
Hope this helps in some way - rambled a bit sorry[8D]
I think you will go, just got a feeling, tell Mr A to P!xs Off and keep me posted.
Take care of you.
Angie
Hi Alexis,
My heart goes out to you because just last week I was in the same situation. I was terrified to go somewhere but knew if I didn't I would feel very sad.
So, like Angie, I decided to break the evening into manageable parts - one was to go and see how I felt knowing I could make an excuse and come home at any time during the night. As the night progressed the anxiety lessened and I began to enjoy myself and I was able to stay the whole night.
The feeling of having achieved what you feared is wonderful.
Bur remember, even if you have to come home you have still made a great achievement, as least you made yourself go and that is something to be proud of.
Better to have turned up and immediately gone home than to have said no at the outset and sat at home beating yourself up with regrets.
Good luck.
Roma
HI alexis, i can't really add much, people have given you such good advice, just good luck and i hope that you achieve whatever you feel like doing at the weekend
Rach xx
Alexis - go for it hun!! We are all behind you!! :D
hi alexis
i have the same problems i cannot leave the house on my own and have to get cabs everywhere my daughter had a leaving party saturday which i went to i was so nervous but i did enjoy myself she left for tenerife tuesday were she is starting a new life i promised her i would go and see her but every time i think of getting my passport i come out in a cold sweat and panic. i have promised my other daughter we will go and see her sister so hopefully i do not let them down. i say go for your night out if it does get to much you can always go home good luck
helen
Angie i really like you way of thinking good idea xxx
kairen x
Hi Alexis (and thanks Kairen;))
I know that everybody feels their anxiety in different ways so Alexis I hope my post did not come accross as patronising because everybody has their own way of coping. I am just SO elated to have had this revelation in my own thought process that if I can help anyone else in their journey to "normality" I want to shout it from the roof tops!!!!
This process for me really has worked, I am even off out tonight to a local pub with a friend I have not seen before Chritmas - currently amazing myself! Also knowing that this safety net support site is on hand in case of relapse - well nothing to lose now but to try?
Angie,
We don't do relapses - we have small, manageable blips !!
It's fabulous when you get your light bulb moment .
Many Congratulations..
It was a great post - thanks
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Alexis
As i said before by trying you have nothing to lose and a lot to gain. You might surprise yourself at how much you enjoy it and if you dont you can always say you tried which is more than some people feel able to do.
I hope you do it and have a good night.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi You guys have put wonderful response, every one who has replied has been helpful , but i am awake now, I cannot sleep thinking about friday, i still hope to go but deep down know I wont because I am scared, probably once done it I be OK. Anyway Thank you all for your help. I will wait and see, I have every intention of going still, once again thanks to you all, it is a wonderful site,
Alexis
Alexis
Try it, regret doing it rather than not. Trust me i have been there.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Alexis,
Break it down to manageable chunks and go and see how far through the sequence you get. BY all means - have back up plans too to help you feel safer.
You are only going to get over all this by exposing yourself to difficult situations gently and consistantly. Avoiding situations completely and not trying will only reinforce your fears to your innards making it feel even worse next time an opportunity presents.
If this one proves too great a challenge tonight then put in place with your family a few lead up outings to help build your confidence.
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Didnt do it!!! tried, had my bath, talked my way through etc, even got out the door but couldnt do it, this is me now i believe, doomed never to go out socially again. has anyone been this far and turned back
Alexis ,
I hope you're not beating yourself up about this now.
The outing was too big a jump for you to do at once and we've all been there where it just wasn't possible on that night and have turned away.
In order to progress you do need to set up a few gentle outings where you are not under pressure, you are in control and you can progress at you own rate rather than suddenly having to meet lots of people at a given time at a certain place etc which can all be far too overwhelming to contemplate early on in recovery.
You are not doomed to never go out again - but you will need to proactively manage practicing your progress steps.
This is not a failure - it was a benchmark test so you know what is asking too much of yourself right now. We knew it was a huge jump and you just didn't possess enough springs last night to reach it.
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote"> has anyone been this far and turned back
<div align="right">Originally posted by alexis - 16 April 2005 : 02:32:42</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
Yes Alexis, I have in the past but I've since gone on and done things that I would never have believed I could do. So PLEASE don't give up. I assure you, you will be able to with time.
Like Meg says this was perhaps just too much too soon, give yourself time and above all don't beat yourself up and if you see it as a failure then forgive yourself and put it behind you, don't dwell on it or you will wear yourself out. You were so brave to put yourself through the build up, that's a big positive step.
Good luck for the future.
Roma
Hiya Alexis
Dont dare beat yourself up about not being able to mange it this time it was just too much for you thats all , your still doing great and should be very proud of yourself, you'll get there in the end just dont be to hard on yourself if you hit a blip along the way.
Good luck for the next time.
take care
Maxine
Hi Alexis
What wonderful words of encouragment from ang and the gang. Try not to think so much about Fri as a whole like angie says just try to think of it in small stages. As long as you have a get out claus then go for it. I know that you are thinking about what happened before but this is a new evening and it doesnt have to be like last time as long as you know you only have to do as much as you are comfortable. I really agree with Sal wouldnt you rather have gone and tried it rather than shut yourself away and regretted even giving it a go??
I am sure that you can manage more than you think. Maybe tell a few of your close friends about how you feel and they will be your support. And whilst out make sure you can see the door and are not in a position where when you are sat down you are hemmed in. Know how to leave and as before when you went out you will know that you are in control all the time.
I really hope that you go and wish you such a good time. You did so well going out that it suprised you how much you enjoyed it so go for it.
Take care
Janine
Thank you all once again for your words of encouragement. I have been beating myself up about it and it made me feel very negative about myself.
reflecting upon it today I decided to think about what Ive done rather than not done.
Not long ago I couldnt go anywhere where people were. I couldnt go in shops for long, I could only talk to certain people at work. I always found my exit "JUST INCASE" as soon as I went in.
At the end of last year I went to Dublin to raise money for a charity, by the time I returned I was exhausted but I did it, recently I went to a busy household party as I wrote in my original posting, I have been in cafes and sat away from the door, I have started going to yoga, and lay near the door lol.
I have told people about my illness rather than avoid the situations i have explained why I dont feel I can go and this time I got as far as the door, I can only push so far though or else I end up going backwards like last July when I had a severe panic attack which affected me for months.but I have done things recently which proves I am trying. I am excellent at telling myself all this but believing it is another matter.
I have spoke to a friend tonight and we are going to start by going to some very quiet pubs and work up to busy ones even if it takes months.
Thanks to you all once again, also to Kairen who pms me with support and humour.
Love Alexis
PS I do go in the forum pub lol
Good for you Alexis for already putting a plan in place to tackle some of these issues and for not beating yourself up about it for very long.
It is inevitable that those sorts of thoughts would go through your mind but well done for getting rid of them quickly and concentrating and focussing on the more realistic and optimistic ones.
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.