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nomore
03-06-08, 14:20
I have been reading the forum for a while now but never actually got around to posting.
Just to give a little background, I am 27 years old and am somewhat new to the health/general anxiety, panic attack thing. Everything started about 8 months ago while I was shopping for some birthday presents. The morning started normally but as I was walking around I started feeling light-headed, they type of feeling that you get sometimes when you haven't eaten anything (I think it's associated with a drop in the sugar levels). I am not diabetic so I just thought "No worries, this has happened before, I am just hungry. I'll get something to eat a little later". Well, as time passed it got worse and all of a sudden, while waiting for a stop light on a street I felt like I was going to collapse. I leaned against a sign post near me and after that sat down near the street curb. By that time, my whole body was shaking, I had cold seat, felt like something was very wrong and that I was going to pass out at any moment, my heart rate must have been 200 BPM. Needless to say, nothing really happened, beyond me being scared out of my mind. Eventually, I was able to calm down but the thought that something is wrong with me has not left me ever since. This is what I know think of as my first panic attack (the really funny part is that even now, as I am writing this, a small part of me still thinks that this was not really a panic attack but something was indeed wrong with me on that day). Luckily, a couple of days after that I went to the doctor for a regularly scheduled check-up. I didn't mention my episode but they did an ECG and full blood work. Everything was normal.
Anyway, this was basically the catalyst. My health anxiety and panic attacks are basically heart related. I keep thinking that there is something wrong with my heart and that I am going to have a heart attack, or something else heart related, that is going to put an end to me at any moment (since 8 months ago!).
Since that day, in the first month or so, I had a few more panic attacks. At that time I didn't really know what to make out of all of this as I had never felt anything even remotely close to what you feel during a panic attack. Shortly thereafter the ectopics started and I started "listening in" on my heart constantly. One Sunday I woke up with pain on my left side, around the area where the rib cage connects to the breast bone. I thought to my self; "hmmm...funny, well, I've actually had similar pain before and will probably go away". Well, as the morning progressed the pain did not go away and I worked my self into a panic frenzy again. I thought that I was having a heart attack. I woke up my girlfriend and asked her to take me to the ER immediately. At that time I also felt like I was short of breath, so you can imagine what this additional symptom did to my panic! Went to the ER, they checked blood pressure and gave me an ECG. The ER doctor said that there was nothing wrong with my ECG and also did an oxygen level test, to check out my breath shortness symptoms. O2 levels were fine. By that time I no longer felt that chest pain. Eventually, after I explained exactly how the pain felt and where it was he determined that the pain I felt was associated with the muscles connecting my rib cage to the breast bone (turns out to be a very common condition, which is sometimes associated with sharp pain). The pain only occurs if you move, stretch or take deep breast in/out. For some reason, during my "heart attack" I failed to notice that I no longer have the pain if I just stand still (do heart attacks stop when you just stand still !? :D )

As most people here probably know, initially, the ectopics are terrifying. So, after a few weeks of that and panic attacks, I decided to go to the doctor again. Went to the GP and he did an ECG and full blood work. Everything came back normal. I insisted that he refer me to a cardiologist, so he did. Went to the cardiologist, another ECG, 7 day Holter, stress test (I reached my target heart rate with no problems) and full echo. Everything came back normal. By that time I actually had a new symptom, occasional lightheadedness/diziness when I am walking outside. The Holter showed 2 skipped heart beats (not ectopics but actual skipped beats). Funny thing is that I never actually felt those skipped beats. The cardiologist was not concerned at all about those and said that the last time he wore a Holter he had 2-3 skipped beats in a 24 hour period. All of this was around January.

So, about £1000 later, I guess I felt a little better. I should note that at the time this was all happening to me I was under quite a great deal of stress, probably the most stressful time of my life.

Eventually, I learned not to go into full panic mode over ectopics and for now they have largely gone away. I still get them, definitely not as much as before, they still scare me sometimes but I am trying not to pay attention. I still "listen in" on my heart and every small pain or pinch in my left chest area can scare me (this is stuff that I would have paid no attention to about 1 year ago). My diziness/lightheadedness got worse and I also started feeling spacy, had trouble concentrating, etc. About 2-3 weeks ago, I also started feeling like I cannot get a satisfying breath. I don't feel that all the time, just sometimes, although about 2 weeks ago it was about enough to make me pull an emergency brake on a train! (I didn't actually do that though, can you imagine....:D ).

Anyway, I will continue my story a bit later.......

Huge thanks to anyone who actually reads this and I apologise for the rant.

never2late
03-06-08, 14:28
Good! Now you know that everything -- physically -- is "normal". That is a great starting point for the beginning of recovery! Now comes the harder part: forget about it! Hard to do . . . but it CAN be done!

nomore
03-06-08, 17:49
....to continue...along with the ectopics I started to feel light-headed/dizzy and spaced out. I didn't have a problem with the light-headedness/dizziness while sitting down. It usually starts shortly after I get up to walk somewhere, especially if I am outside and among larger crowds. The spaciness happened regardless of whether or not I was sitting down. The best way to describe it is that it feels like I am not really in my body and am controlling it from a distance. Feet get shaky, sometimes it feels like I am stepping on uneven surface or that the ground is moving. While walking it feels like I am about to keel over or just pass out. This has been going on for a while and I am starting to be able to control it more but it still happens. My latest symptom is the feeling of not being able to get enough air in. This comes and goes, regardless of what I am doing. It is almost like as soon as I start to get over one symptom, I find a new one or an old one comes back.....

Anyway, before all of this started happening, I was fairly active physically. I used to play ice hockey 1-2/week and sometimes football (soccer :) ) in the summer time as well. I used to go running every once in a while (not my most favourite activity) and go to the gym. Then I became scared of elevating my heart rate even marginally because of fear that something was wrong with it. About 1 moth or so ago I decided to gradually start running. I can't begin to describe how scared I was initially. Well, after going for a few runs, nothing really happened, except that I found out that I was out of shape. :) Last Sunday, I decided to try swimming. I went for swim, but was pretty anxious and was constantly "monitoring" my heart rate. Is my heart beating too fast, is it beating to strongly, is it struggling....???? An endless stream of questions was going through my mind. Nothing really happened with my heart, but my new symptom of not being able to get enough air kicked in. Eventually, I got scared and just got out of the pool. Then, as I was going home, I felt pin-like pain on my left side, below the armpit. Needless to say, that terrified me and I just felt the panic coming on; "I knew that something was wrong". I did not go into a full panic attack mode but managed to scare my self pretty good. Then the next day, while at work I felt a sharp pain in the same area, the pain was brief, 1-2 seconds at most but was sharp and I felt like my heart had stopped. Then, literally in a manner of 5-10 seconds, my heart rate went from normal resting to 200 BPM. I was in full panic mode, at work on my desk, with a bunch of people around me. "This is it" I thought, "This time it is really happening. I am going to die." I almost yelled out for help and felt like I just wanted to run away. At that point I just got up and locked myself in the toilets. I was trembling uncontrollably and must have been white as a ghost. After I calmed down I just wanted to leave, go home and cry. But, I went to my desk and made it a point to stick out the rest of the day. I didn't want this "thing" to get the better of me. With a lot of effort, I did manage to stay at work but needless to say was not very productive. This is also when I decided to post here.

I haven't really shared this with anyone from my family because I don't want them to worry about me. My girlfriend is aware of some of my experiences, but definitely not everything. Again, I just don't want her to worry. I guess I also feel somewhat reluctant to tell anyone out of fear that they are not going to take me seriously. It is very difficult to explain to someone who has not experienced it and honestly if someone had told me a similar story a year ago, when I did not have these problems, I would have been sceptical.

Well...I think that I have had enough of this....condition....I have to find out a way to feel myself again.

Thanks for reading and thanks to whoever created this website! :yesyes:

kellie
03-06-08, 21:38
Hiya nomore :welcome: to nmp its lovely to have you here :yesyes: .
You will get lots of support/advice/reasurance and make some great friends along the way. Im sorry you are not doing to good at the moment, keep posting and we will help as much as we can and i hope to talk to you in chat soon.

take care. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

kellie.xxxxxxxxx

Nibbles
04-06-08, 12:19
Hi and :welcome:

You'll get loads of advice and support here while making new friends along the way.

Take care,

Mike :)

milly jones
04-06-08, 12:26
hi no more,

glad u decided to join the site.

its a horrible illness which only others sufferers tend to understand

take heart that theres plenty of support here hun

milly xx

Lindalou64
04-06-08, 13:57
Hello Nomore And Welcome..i Wish Ya Well..........linda

uppy1
04-06-08, 15:36
Hi Nomore

I can fully relate to how you feel, I started like you was at 25 I am now 43. All as I can say is that I have ridden the Roller Coaster for many years and can say it has at times made my life hell been rushed to A & E over the years about 4-5 times (last one last year ECG all clear blood's clear). At the present time I am having a serious set back (pains in jaw thinking angina chest discomfort), all this was started due to a very stressfull year (wife had two seriousw illness scares which brought on my severe acid indigestion (awaiting endoscopy in two weeks) I am with you on this, I stiil play a lot of sport Badminton twice a week two hours Football one hour a week and currently trying to train (through fear) for the Manchester to Blackpool bike ride. The sensible part of my brain tells me that it can't be agina as Iam not out of breath or feel pain when pushing myself physically. However when sedentry, I get them sudden electric shock type pains in left side of chest which immediatleymakes me want to panic.

People who have never sufered with this will never fully understand the horrors of the condition and the sheer courage that it takes each individual to carry on regardless whilst keeping it as secret as possible.

At twenty Seven you can make a major breakthrough don't suffer like I have. Try reading Claire Weekes "Self Help For Your Nerves" It will help.

I am at the stage of should I go to A&E again to be checked out? But then the negative side says "What if they find something wrong this time, I'll be devastated? Whilst the positive sides says don't waste their precious time and then come out feeling ashamed when they find nothing wrong. It will always be a difficult call. I am hoping that this is just a blip and I will find myself back on track. In Claire Weekes book she describes how the body becomes sensitised to the smallest symptom that previousley would not have bothered us. We have to learn to ride thrugh the fear to desensitise the mind and body. to Quote Claire " Face, Accept, Float and let time pass.

Believe me you are not on your own and I fully empathise with you as you have aptly described what has happened to me. Be careful to watch that you do not become depressed without noticing, because a cycle of fear, anxietty depression begins. I have been on anti depressents in the past( not very long though don't like not being in control), however I have chosen personally to try to get through without, this is not to say that you or anybody else should try that it's up to the individual.

My heart and soul goes out to you and I wish you well in your recovery. Sorry if I seem to have gone on.

All the Best

Uppy!"!!!!:shades:

nomore
04-06-08, 22:31
Thanks everyone! :biggrin:
Although I do feel better now than when all of this started, I still don't like what it is doing to me. I am just not the same person anymore.
The ecotpics have largely gone (or I just don't notice them??? :shrug:), although I still feel some minor ones every once in a while. Nevertheless, I am still "on the lookout" for them. My other symptoms though, dizziness/lightheadedness, not being able to take a good breath, and most recently, random short-lived pains in the general heart area. The breath thing has gotten a little better though.

I have to find a way to fight through this somehow. Ever since this started, I often feel depressed, I have pretty much stopped exercising and playing sports (and I can see and feel the affect of that already :blush:) and a lot of times even walking to the park requires an effort. The problem are all the "what ifs" (what if something is actually wrong?, what if I actually do pass out?, etc.), they keep getting in my way. After that, everything starts all over again.

chalky
05-06-08, 17:16
Hi Nomore,

Welcome to the Forum.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

You will get loads of support and advice here.
Best wishes,
Chalky

Emira7
05-06-08, 17:23
Hi There

Thanks so much for taking the time to write your story and share.

Come along to the Health Anxiety board, there are alot of us on there with heart phobia/anxiety etc.... (me included.)

Welcome
Emira

Southern_Belle
06-06-08, 17:50
Hi nomore,

Welcome to the site. You will find that many here understand how you feel and you will get support.

Many hugs,

Laura