I can't tell the truth to my counsellor

[redballoons]

hi
I have had a couple of counselling sessions about my anxiety but its going really badly . Not because it is hard but because i cant seem to tell her the truth how i am feeling. I keep saying oh yes im fine even though i am not, and i know i smile the whole time i am there even though i ust feel like running away and crying. i have got really used to just being "ok" over the last few years that i cant seem to just say "no actually im not ok". Because of this the things that really do upset me never get talked about we only talk about random things which really doint upset me at all!.She must wonder why i am even there.

I know that it is down to me to just go in and say what upsets me but i just cant seem to do it. It is NHS counselling so i only have 6 weeks anyway and i just feel like i cant even do thius right

does anyone have any advice on what i can do to just make the first step to saying what i need to say?

Before i go bvack next time i have to make a spider diargam with the word anxiety in the middle other than that i dont know what the heck to write, i know i could use this as a way to actually tell her what has happened why i get anxious etc but i cant even brign myself to write it down :weep:

sophie

[marie1974]

hi sophie i too am having cbt and please you have to be totally honest for them to understand and help you, i wont lie facing stuff is very hard but in the end it is a hell of a lot better i promise and they will help u to understand stuff, change your way of thinking and to be more confident about yourself.

they wont think any different of you please be honest with them, they will hellp u xxxx

[marie1974]

use the diagram to show them exactly how u feel hun and if it helps write a letter and put it all in there and show the counsellor it rather than explaining it all but please be honest they really do help xx

[Lilith1980]

Hi Sophie

I think the spider diagram is a really good idea, or Donna's idea of a letter.

Your counsellor knows that there are things to discuss, otherwise why would you be there. Maybe she has asked you to do this diagram because she can see that talking about your feelings is difficult for you.

Sometimes we have to take painful steps to get towards a greater reward. It may be pain ful to write things down but please try because this will help on the road to your recovery :hugs:

Jo xxxxx

[marie1974]

u are so right there jo, i think u can only get out of it wot u put in and it can stir up alot of memorys but sometimes we have to re live them so that we can get over them and move on. its difficult to get counselling on the nhs so go for it and be brave sophie hugs xx

[PUGLETMUM]

:) hi im not nit-picking but counselling and cbt are different - if it is person centred counselling the counsellor isnt there to 'tell' you what to do, and may or may not be trained in cbt techniques? she can only be guided by you - she is there to help you help yourself, really shes a sounding board, which has actually succeeded because youve worked it out yourself! so now although hard you will either have to tell her the truth which she cant do anything about either but she can help you to work through that also, and she may be able to give you any advice as to any other therapy that may be helpful. or uyou can not tell her the truth and come back to it at alater stage when you do feel ready to talk to someone about why you are anxious and why you have difficulty saying you are not okay? the pnly prob is it takes times as im sure you know to get any help, so you may have to wait a while again, or you could go private if you vcan afford it as and when you need it?

[mlondon]

I recommend doing the spider diagram without thinking of showing it to your counsellor. You can always bin it after. Imagine it is just for you and write down anything that comes to your head, no matter how silly it sounds. I am sure she is not thinking 'why are you there'. I am sure counsellors know there is a problem and I am sure she has a lot of people saying things are ok then they arn't. Don't be hard on yourself, think of it as an opportunity to feel better.

[sheba2]

Hi red balloons

The advice above is great but I just wanted to add that even though you are given 6 weeks nhs counselling the counsellor has a duty of care to you and if they think you need more time then you should be offered it. I have had both nhs and private and 6 weeks would never have been long enough to even scratch the surface. If this time limit is worrying you, discuss this next time you go and then you can also mention that you are scared, embarrassed or however you feel about talking about the things you feel you need to. They should be able to help you get through this or if they don't feel that they are helping then they should put you in touch with someone else. It is part of their training to recognise this. I know because my daughter is a trained counsellor who works within this type of environment. Good luck

[milly jones]

keep at it hun, i know its hard, but it will be worth it in the end.

i agree the writing down of anything may be a way for the counsellor to pin point ur difficulties if u are having a problem expressing them.

she probably wont mind what u write down as long as uve given her some ideas of ur problems, and she probably suspects that this will be less painful for u.

this is their job and they will be doing it because they want to and want to help u hun,

take care,

milly xxxxx

[redballoons]

thanks for your replies:)
I have had a go at the spider diagram and thanks mlondon for the idea of doing it without thinking of showing it to the counsellor, it felt a bit wierd writing down what i actually worry about because it seems so random now! but actually i do feel like i have at least made a start now and just from writing it down i realised how much i depend on my daily routine to keep things going - as soon as the routine is changed then my whole day seems to go downhill, I hope this is something i can talk about with the counsellor on friday.

I feel alot better after posting here - i am always afriad of making too much fuss about things which is probably why my daughter was born in a hospital corridor/lift area because i was too afriad to let the midwife know i was having contractions in case i was wrong :doh:

thanks again (again!)

sophie

[marie1974]

hi sophie i understand about routine i have to have that too otherwise i am lost. xxxx hugs

[samc100]

Hi Redballoons - the spider diagam sounds a good way to let your counsellor know more of your problems. if you fail on that - print this thread off and hand it to her... Sometimes it's just too hard to get the words out.

P.S. I did smile at thought of you not telling the midwife about your contractions - you'd think they'd have spotted it and how much you were dilated. I don't think you were in the wrong there.. I didn't realise I was in labour with my first and we only went to hospital cos' I was bleeding. They kept telling me to stay at home and they'd only send me away. Got there and 2hrs later was holding a baby. xxxx

[popsy]

I kind of know how you feel, i have a fear of letting people down so when i went for counselling i was also afraid of letting them down and only wanted to tell them everything they had suggested had worked even though it hadnt!!! In the end i wrote everything down i was feeling and went and saw a psychiatrist, she really understands me now as she knows exactly how i feel from my list, it was the best move i ever made - she didnt think it was weird either, she thought it was an excellent idea and told me it was really helpful to her!
Hope this helps :) xxxx

[Lainie]

I would tell her exactly what you wrote in your post. It sounds like this is where your work needs to begin.
Lainie

[neptuno]

I'd start by printing off your original post here and take it with you - it would be a great place to start and says so much about how you feel. Your counsellor would really appreciate this.
Be kind to yourself

[MrBowels]

Unfortunately the anxiety state makes you question everything, yet be
unable to reveal anything.....it is the embarrasment of feeling different...
You see, what you need to realise is, that the counsellor has heard
all your symptoms hundreds of times, and can help....when I speak to
people about my symptoms, you realise you are not alone...and that
your illness is not unique....Most of my friends don' know I am on
anti depressents, I have a real issue with the term anti depressant.....
probable cos I don't feel edpressed, all that woe is me jive...I just feel edgy....I say I am on anti anxiety tablets....woohs I am off on one again here....

Anyway, just tell your councellor everything, or write the symptoms down on a piece of paper and give it to them next session...she/he can read em and then break them down.....or even better, I could analyse them...as I have read everything on mental illness while trying to diagnmose my self ages 19-22 at uni....wondering why I hated group work and skipped lectures...where I could not blend in

mr bowels