View Full Version : Immense terrorisation over disease lately...
Hi everyone,
I've been taking SSRI's (citalopram, paroxetine, sertraline, etc) and Benzo's (Rivotril and Ativan) for the last 10 years. Now half a month ago, my psychiatrist said to cease all, to continue on Celexa (Citalopram) at 20mg's (a rather small dose compared to 50mg of Paxil (paroxetine) that I used to take) and jumped from 2-4 mg of Rivotril (Clonazepam) to 0 ( 3 weeks withdrawal ). I'm still out of work, can no longer afford a psychotherapist and the ones offered for free have 10 months waiting lists, which I am on, but meanwhile I'm living through hell. My symptoms scare the shit out of me, I used to be just worried about my heart because of PVC's (said "benign" arrhythmia on a normal heart) and tachycardia, but now I fear, not only fear but my panics have really worked themselves deeper and almost insane, now I fear high blood pressure, diabetes, kidney dysfunction, hypoglecimia... like I wake up and HAVE to eat cuz my stomach's in pain, got these extreme hungers, and throughout the day 3-4 times, and often I get dizzy if I don't eat and shaky and all... and I get extremely panicked and stay by the phone to call the ambulance if it gets worse, I constantly fear death, it used to be on and off, where I could have some kind of a life for days and/or weeks, but now it's almost 24/7 when I'm awake. I'm really scared like shit all the time, the last days I'm scared to go downstairs (my apartment), scared to go do the grocery, to do anything; not by agoraphobia but by fear it will lead to feeling worse or an impending death. Anyway, just wanted to know if anybody feels those symptoms sometimes, the immense hungers and dizziness and not feeling well if you don't eat, cuz I fear it might be hypoglecemia or diabetes. Want to know too if other people have this sense of terrorisation over one's health where it handicaps your life... cuz lately that's what I'm going through and it's not bearable at all anymore, and I can't even take Benzo's anymore cuz my body's become too immune to it after 10 years' usage, that's why my psychiatrist said to stop them cuz there was no point anymore.
I sent the following to a friend on here who contacted me asking for help. They asked me to copy my reply on here in the hope that something in it might also be of some help to you.........
I do still feel that you're simply under too much stress. When we're under too much stress, we feel more anxious and that anxiety makes us worry more, particularly by making us think about our health so we worry about anxiety symptoms being more than they are. However, it's because the stress increases our anxiety that we feel the need to look for reassurance. What we're really doing is trying to allieviate our anxious symptoms but those anxious symptoms are being caused by too much stress. It's the stress that we're under that makes it so hard for us to resist looking for reassurance because we want to stop our anxious feelings caused by our worrying caused by the stress. See what I mean? If you reduce the stress you're under, the anxiety will decrease, you'll not worry about your health so much and so the need to search for reassurance will also become less of an addictive urge. It's all connected.
Think of a parrot in a cage. Sometimes they become so stressed because they feel trapped that they start pulling their feathers out. You're feeling trapped by your stress which makes you focus on yourself making you worry about your health in the same way as a parrot pulls his feathers out. Once you feel free of too much stress, you'll stop pulling your feathers out! because you'll be enjoying life again. It's looking for ways to ease that stress that matters, whether it means a change of job, easing the workload or looking for things to look forward to when your working day or week ends. You need things to look forward to.
Once you feel under less stress, you'll be more able to rationalise things you hear or read because your anxiety symptoms will be less, allowing you to think more clearly without falling into deep thinking and worries based on those symptoms.
Hope that's been of help. You need to find ways to ease your stress but also look for things to enjoy and look forward to in life such as an outside interest so it's not just all about work or thinking about how you're feeling. Your mind is focussing too much on your feelings but not on outside things to enjoy.
Thanks for posting that BILL... I believe it should help nrx... But i do wish that you would get rid of the IM STUPID sign!!! You are not... You are a human being with feelings and at the moment those feelings are not what you think you can cope with... BUT YOU ARE... All the pysical symptoms you have related are all anxiety based... And if they were not, well, hyperglycemia will not harm you, and diabetes can be so well controlled!!! STart to think positive... ANd change IM STUPID to IM LEARNING!!!
VAshti
Thanks to you both. About the I'm stupid, it was amongst the avatars last year to choose and just chose it randomly, but I can change it. About the diabetes... it's quite reassuring, but do you think it could be that? Although the fact you say it can be well controlled reassures me, so *IF* I have that, then it might not be the end of the world. I tend to be unable to rationalise when under periods of acute anxiety, so as obvious as it may seem, it's reassuring. Cuz all I saw was: diabetes ( if I happen to have it ) equals "can lead to diabetic coma"... and so I dramatize everything.
Just another question if I may: is it possible to get out of this without medication and with self-work ? Cuz as mentionned above, the medication no longer works, and I can't afford a psychotherapist anymore. Thanks so much again to you both, although it may seem small for you guys, anything helps right now.
About the diabetes... it's quite reassuring, but do you think it could be that? Although the fact you say it can be well controlled reassures me, so *IF* I have that, then it might not be the end of the world. I tend to be unable to rationalise when under periods of acute anxiety, so as obvious as it may seem, it's reassuring. Cuz all I saw was: diabetes ( if I happen to have it ) equals "can lead to diabetic coma"... and so I dramatize everything.
Just another question if I may: is it possible to get out of this without medication and with self-work ?
Yes, it's perfectly possible for you to help yourself without the need of medication but you have to be prepared to change your thinking patterns.
For instance, we can go on an endless cycle of seeking reassurance because as soon as we're reassured about one health related matter, our minds will immediately focus on the next health matter that crops up.
I remember how I used to be at work and start worrying about a freckle that I hadn't noticed before! The more I thought about it, the more my worry made me imagine it was something it wasn't and so I'd be at the doctors surgery seeking reassurance. Once I saw a doctor smiled at me before showing me his thousands of freckles! He found it amusing I was so worried about One innocent freckle!
Your mind is constantly focussing on symptoms and imagining they're much more than just anxiety symptoms. These symptoms are created by your fear of death so you're in a repeating cycle of anxiety because you haven't got enough enjoyable things to occupy your mind.
There are 2 things you Really need to do if you want to overcome your fear. Firstly, every time you have a symptom that produces a health worry........STOP!.......Stop Thinking about that worry and in turn the symptoms will pass. You have to do this over and over for it to become habit but in time the anxiety will ease.
The second thing you need to do is find INTERESTS. Things you Really Enjoy to give you things to look forward to. These will help to train your mind away from thinking about "feelings" by keeping your mind busy with enjoyable thoughts.
You're allowing your fear to control your life. You need to find "outside" Enjoyment in life to stop you worrying about "inside" feelings to help combat your fear. Stop focussing on feelings and instead focus on finding enjoyable things.
You're right about the "because as soon as we're reassured about one health related matter, our minds will immediately focus on the next health matter that crops up" because for instance, the last 13 years have been on/off fear about cardiovascular disease, and during the last weeks/2 months that I've started fearing diabetes, renal problems, I have less anxiety about cardio issues.
When you say "Stop Thinking about that worry and in turn the symptoms will pass"... thing is I fear that if I somehow ignore the symptoms and leave them as if they presented no danger, I could overlook something that could be dangerous and consequently die. I know this might sound ridiculous, but that seems to be the way my mind trained itself into with all the negative patterns.
And about the interests, I've got so many, only they become out of interest when I fear disease or dying because my mind is so focused on NOT wanting to be sick and to end up dead, so it's really hard to focus. But I'll try, thanks.
What you're experiencing isn't at all riduculous because I can understand how you're feeling and why you're thinking as you are.
And about the interests, I've got so many, only they become out of interest when I fear disease or dying because my mind is so focused on NOT wanting to be sick and to end up dead.
I fear that if I somehow ignore the symptoms and leave them as if they presented no danger, I could overlook something that could be dangerous and consequently die.
You're Not suffering from OCD but I can use OCD to draw similarities to try to show you what's happening in your thought pattern.
When someone suffer OCD, they can place an object but they feel compelled to put it in a certain postion or they feel "they can't leave it alone" because their fear keeps them going back to move it repeatedly.
In the same way, you feel you can't stop worrying about your symptoms because you fear that if you stop, you might overlook something so your fear keeps you going over your symptoms repeatedly.
To cure OCD, the sufferer has to resist moving an object repeatedly. You need to do the same with your thought pattern. You need to confront your fear by resisting repeatedly going over the symptoms which is why I said that when you get a worrying thought about your health, you have to STOP and NOT think about that worry by thinking about something else such as your interests. If you can do that, and keep resisting, in time the symptoms will ease as you realise there's actually nothing to fear in resisting and you'll break the anxiety cycle.
As with all anxiety, your fear is keeping your symptoms alive.
@Bill: That makes a hell lotta sense. Thanks greatly for your comparison.
Just a question: do you think that spontaneous vertigo, sometiems dizziness, not caused by hyperventilation, just dizziness like that, can be caused by anxiety ?
Thanks alot again for all your input, it helps alot.
Dizziness Can be caused by anxiety but I'm not sure why. I just know it happens to me sometimes too. It could be connected to shallow breathing without us realising we're doing it.
Lack of sleep, anti-depressants and standing up too quickly can also cause dizziness. Nothing to worry about though!!!:winks:
Glad to be of help. Take care.:winks:
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