Billy No Mates

[gary_2.0]

OK it's official: I have no friends.

What follows is an unapologetic exercise in feeling sorry for myself - actually more p*ssed off than sorry.

Last weekend for the meet-up I was let down in terms of getting a lift. I was able to make alternative arrangements obviously. This weekend no contact from the same friend, supposedly my safe-friend, despite arranging to go out today. Phone appears to be switched off.

Apart from the people here, and my family who haven't much of a clue and frankly bury their heads in the sand, I have no one. A horrible admission.

Perhaps I should cultivate a personality of a complete b*st*rd because being jolly, despite massive opposing forces, open and friendly doesn't appear to hold much credibility. I'm not trying to present a perfect image of myself, everyone has their faults. Ultimately I suppose those who feel, or care the most, also suffer the most too.

I know this is a familiar story to many of us here. Nobody wants to know you when you're ill do they? But how to find new friends when you're captivated by The Fear? That's the question.

I'm sorry you shouldn't have to read this. This is all rhetorical. I don't expect any answers. There are no simple easy answers. This is just a chance to get some depressing thoughts out of my head for a bit. I'm going back to the place I seem to spend most time recently. The only safe place - bed.

[Cathy V]

Well when you wake up later you'll find all of your friends on nmp waiting for you. We care even if that 'safe' person let you down.

I hope you feel better soon Gary :hugs:

Cathy xxxxxxx

[thevoicewithinme]

I second what Cathy says Gary :)

I know what it's like I truly do, not having any real friends. I am here for you Gary, as you have been for me.

Kaz xx

[belle]

Its all lovely people saying "We're here for you" becuase i've had the same said to me...but...its not the same as having REAL LIFE friends and in my experience, no one has been "here for me" when i've needed it. I don't have a gaggle of friends lined up off this forum. I don't talk to anyone.

I put it down to me just being a very unlikeable person in real life and in cyber world because i must be pretty s*it not to be able to make friends online!!!!!!!!

[marie1974]

hi gary, i understand the illness part and in general people dont understand and quite often the ones that do are having to deal with there own illnesses and so dont have the energy to help u. but there are some that will and they will come along, i only have 1 or 2 close friends i know a fair few people but they are not friends and i wouldnt trust any of them, i think in this life we have to look after ourselves. its true us nice people do feel more pain cos we care but the ones who dont care are no happier than us. i always find doing charity work in shops/hospitals/homes etc are great ways to meet genuine people and friends, mayb u xould try that and its very rewarding too. try to like yourself more be confident and sod those people, dont change being u for anyone. start exercising for more motivation,energy and makes u more positive and bring out the best in u and u will get there. things will get better just stay strong and keep posting hugs xxxxxxxxxxx

[lilly-lou]

Hi Gary,

I'm sending you a big hug:bighug1:

I know what it feels like not to have any friends it sucks. Hope things look brighter when you get out of bed. P.M. me anytime if you want.

[Cathy V]

Hi bluebell, i'm sorry you feel so lonely. I live in a small town in germany and i think i must be the only english person here. My chap who i live with is german and speaks reasonably good english but its a struggle to make him understand me sometimes, and not the same as having a conversation with another english person...i have to wait til i can call a member of the family for that.

When i go out into the town i'm surrounded by ppl who are with their friends. I'm surrounded by german voices everywhere i go, in the supermarket, in the library and when i go for a coffee i see ppl sitting and chatting and laughing and it makes me feel very sad sometimes.

People feel lonliness for lots of reasons, as for me i cant even pass the time of day with the woman serving me in a shop, i cant talk about the weather to anyone or bend down to talk to a child, or even stroke a dog coz they dont speak english either!! all the small things we take for granted in our own surroundings. Ok i live with someone so im not alone in that sense, but day to day life for me here is very lonely.

I look forward to logging on to nmp every day now, and i believe most of the ppl on here are genuine and offer friendship to ppl who need it, as well as good advice. I dont always see eye to eye with everyone, but thats normal i guess...human nature. So maybe nmp is the only chance for alot of ppl to have friends, and i believe it works if you want it to.

Take care
Cathy xxx :flowers:

[marie1974]

im sending u a good old english :hugs: cathy xxx :winks:

[Cathy V]

Hahaha! thanks donna...bless. xxx

[SHYGIRLAJB]

Hi Gary

There is no need to apologies I think there are penty of us out there, :hugs::hugs:, so you are not alone(oops no pun intended sorry). I do know how you feel though. I am sorry I can't really offer any advice(not very good at that sort of things anyway)

bluebell - Awww Im sorry you feel like that, I do know how you feel, as I don't really talk to anyone either, as I don't really have any friends(apart from my internet friend, not sure if he is a friend though). I'm sorry I not very good at giving advice or anything, as I don't have any sorry, just thought I would give you a big :bighug1:, as I think you need it.

Cathy V - If you don't mind me asking how long have you lived in Germany?. Can you speak fluent German or is it bits and bobs. Awww and I give you :bighug1: from England. Don't really know what else to say Im sorry.

I hope you can make sense of the above post.

SHYGIRLAJB

[Cathy V]

Hey guys, thanks so much for the hugs but i was supposed to helping poor gary, not meself hahaha! thanks anyway...:blush: and really i cant complain coz its a beautiful place with stunning countryside and at least i can get out when my anx and meds allow. Some of us cant get out at all...now thats lonely yes?

In answer to the question, ive only lived over here for a year and didnt know any german before. I now know some but not enough to have a conversation with anyone outside yet. I'm working on it through books, tapes and my boyfriends help (would cost too much for proper lessons im afraid) but its a difficult language with the verbs and the grammer. They do have to learn english at school but in the small towns and villiages they dont get to use it so theyv all forgotten it!

I'm fluent in spanish....but its not much help in germany is it? ah well.

Best wishes
Cathy xxx :noangel:

[milly jones]

hi gary, im sorry ur friend let u down. i find it very difficult to make and keep friends, so i do understand how lonely that feels, pls accept a hug from me.

bluebell, please will u be my nmp friend?

love milly xxx

[yorkylover]

Gary we are all here,Buddy says hello.:bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1:

[kazzie]

Hey Gary:D

I have met you in person and you are a top bloke:yesyes:

I hope Im your friend:yesyes:

You have my number if you naad a chat:yesyes:

Luv Kaz x x x:hugs:

[gary_2.0]

Thank you Cathy, Kaz, bluebell, Donna, lilly-lou, SHYGIRLAJB, milly, Ellen & Buddy and kazzie :)

Thank you all for your wonderful caring messages. I've no doubt joining this group is the best thing I've done in ages. Despite the often sad reasons for us coming together, I feel privileged to be among such good supportive people.

It's important to be reminded that unselfish people do still exist when so much of present day culture encourages us to invest in more and more material goods in the belief that a new sofa, plasma tv, or whatever will make us happy. Community is everything. The sharing of knowledge, time - I'm sounding like an old utopian hippy now aren't I?. But these are the important things, and sites like this are an important part of our evolution I think. They keep us in touch with who we are and the world we truly want to be a part of. I don't have any belief in, or time for religion, but I do believe we shall only find what we're looking for, together.

I really don't like to go on about my problems because, well I've always kept things to myself and have always had to cope alone so it's what one gets used to isn't it? It's stupid but I honestly feel guilty for bothering anyone even if they say it's ok. I only have a moan when I really can't stop myself.

But thank you. I appreciate having you as my extended family. I really do. Eventually I'm sure it will give me enough confidence to get that car and go out into the big bad world again looking for life and company. And to visit some of my new friends here.

I'm spending the afternoon in the video lounge. Oh, ok then watching a dvd in the bedroom with the curtains closed because I've got a migraine. Ha I sound like an absolute wreck don't I? Just taken some pain killers, had a healthy'ish sandwich, fresh pure orange juice and a pear. A boring wreck! I'm just kidding. Perhaps subtitles aren't the best thing for a migraine but those Europeans create great cinema.

So just to say that I'm doing ok at the moment thanks to rest and you guys. Thanks for listening :)

From me to all of you... :bighug1: :flowers:

[Bunty]

Hi Gary

I have no friends either. My doctor has said to me that I need to do something - anything - to go out but it's just so impossible for me. I have recently been brave enough to let workmen into my home to try and get my home up to a reasonable living condition but I still can't go out and meet people. I don't know where to start. I do force myself to speak to people when I'm out like sales staff. I can go for a week without speaking to a single person.

I know where you are coming from. I have no idea where to start either.
At least I'm starting to know that I'm a nice person - I had started to believe that I must be horrible as I don't have friends and my family don't help me but deep down I know I'm nice. I just have to keep hold of that and trust that, in time, things will work out.
If you want to message me I'll try my best to be there for you.
Buntyxx

[MommyKC]

I hope you are feeling better today. Gary you sound like you would make a great friend and Bunty you said you can go a week without talking to a single person.. i wish i had friends in real life like you guys.. may i suggest signing up for a class at a local college? or maybe a book club at the library? then you wouldnt have to "think" about what to talk about it..i know thats my prob when meeting new people is i dont know what to say

[Bunty]

MommyKC

I don't have any friends, That is why I can go for a week without speaking to anyone. It's awful.
Joining a class is a great idea. I unfortunately am not able to do that at the moment because of my social phobia. It's just to bad at the moment.
I also don't know what to say to people but over the last few months I have forced myself to speak to people ie sales assistants. That way you can have a chat but can walk away at any time. I've found this very helpful and now I've started doing 'Mindfulness' with my councillor I'm finding things much better.

Buntyx