Horrible relapse! xx

[jayne1982]

Hi guys,

I hope everyone is doing okay this evening.

I've been on and off this site all day, and thought I would post a message to see if anyone has any thoughts/advice.

I posted my introductory message on 15th May, because I had had a breakdown. My GP told me I had had a kind of trauma after meeting up with an ex-boyfriend (who had been quite abusive and nasty), which meant that I had a prolonged anxiety attack. I even began questioning my current relationship, which has always been amazing. I had to had a few days off work, because of the anxiety of the situation. But as the doctor had told me, I came out of it almost as quickly as I had gone in.

I posted a message to another forum member on 23rd May who had had similar experiences, saying that I was feeling back to my normal self. It felt awesome! The past month has been amazing!

However, for the last couple of days, I have slipped right back into the old state. I have massive anxiety and I'm having those same feelings of doubt. Why is anyone with anybody when relationships are so fragile?

I know this sounds incredibly depressing. What's important, is that I know how I'm feeling now isn't reality. I know I love my boyfriend and I want to be with him. I have this terrible self-destructive streak though, which means I'm ruminating, trying to convince myself I need to be by myself. This is causing agonising anxiety.

I know this has come on, because I was terrified I would regress back to this at some point, especially when hormonal (which I definitely am).

I am determined not to let this ruin my life. I'm terrified of doing something impulsive I know I'll regret forever. I know I'll feel much better in a few days, just like last time. I just feel quite alone just now, and I would be SO grateful to anyone who has any thoughts.

Thank you, I hope you all have a lovely weekend.

xxxx

[redballoons]

im sorry things seem so bad at the moment. I think alot of people get good times and bad times (i know i do). I have only just started to try and deal with my anixety so i dont really know anything to suggest to really help you i just wanted to send you a hug when you are feeling down.

sophie

[purplehaze]

HI
I think for those who suffer from anxiety there can be a lot of self doubt with regard to our own self-esteem and since you have gone through an abusive and nasty relationship it can also be difficult to accept that your a nice person or the person your with now loves you for who you are. We tend to self examine ourselves and look for faults instead of just living in the moment and enjoying what is good about ourselves.

Relationships are always fragile because as human beings we are fragile and we invest a lot of our deepest feelings into friendships and relationships, so I wonder if the anxiety is more to do with being hurt.

Take a bit of time just to see all thats good in your relationship


Take care

kev

[never2late]

I know this has come on, because I was terrified I would regress back to this at some point . . .



May I suggest, from your statement above, that you've already answered your question as to how and why these episodes occur.

You seem like a nice and reasonable person. Don't get too down about it. As you've said, it will go as fast as it came.

But sometimes things have a habit of returning to us -- at the most surprising moments -- and really hit us broadside when least expected.

Just remember that your first episode of this was some time ago. What returned was a *memory* of the feelings during the episode, not an actual new episode per se. Emotional memories can be VERY convincing that they are real when, in fact, they are just phantoms.

You already KNOW how you feel now. Don't let a phantom fool you into thinking otherwise.

They float on air and bear no weight . . . just take your hand and wisk them away on the breeze.