thevoicewithinme
08-06-08, 13:03
Am putting this here as didn't really know where else it should go.
For those of you who don't know, I am an agoraphobic and suffer with panic attacks. I am also a biker. Yesterday, my bf went out on the bike, and I had this biggest yearning to get out there myself and chuck the bike about etc...but of course I didn't. However, last night, I suddenly plucked up the courage and said to my bf, I wanted to go out on the fireblade, but not riding myself, just as a pillion...and only to the top of the road and back.
Well, he agreed, but...instead of going up the top of the road, he went down the bottom and out on the main road (somewhere I have avoided for a long while now) and I felt pretty ok...then he turned down another road, then another and I could feel the panic building up. We had already agreed on a signal from me, so he would know when to turn back home. I gave him the signal, he found somewhere safe...and we started to head home...the panic rising more and more, feeling very faint (not good on a fireblade) and shaking and so on.
We hit the main road, and I think my bf was aware that my panic was getting worse, so he opened the throttle, and off we flew..OMG...I could see the speedo and we were doing just on a ton (100mph), normally of course this wouldn't bother me...but this time it did.
Anyway, cutting a long story short, we got home!! I got off the bike, then suddenly realised I was buzzing, on a real high!! The panic attack had gone and all I wanted to do was go back out on the bike. The only reason I can think this happened is...that all the excess adrenalin rushing around my body and causing me to panic for no reason...suddenly had somewhere to go, when he raced me home.....sooooo back on the bike we went...and were out for an hour.
God I miss riding the bike and I have made a promise to myself that soon, he will be pillion and I will be the one riding..just need to get my confidence back up.
Kaz
For those of you who don't know, I am an agoraphobic and suffer with panic attacks. I am also a biker. Yesterday, my bf went out on the bike, and I had this biggest yearning to get out there myself and chuck the bike about etc...but of course I didn't. However, last night, I suddenly plucked up the courage and said to my bf, I wanted to go out on the fireblade, but not riding myself, just as a pillion...and only to the top of the road and back.
Well, he agreed, but...instead of going up the top of the road, he went down the bottom and out on the main road (somewhere I have avoided for a long while now) and I felt pretty ok...then he turned down another road, then another and I could feel the panic building up. We had already agreed on a signal from me, so he would know when to turn back home. I gave him the signal, he found somewhere safe...and we started to head home...the panic rising more and more, feeling very faint (not good on a fireblade) and shaking and so on.
We hit the main road, and I think my bf was aware that my panic was getting worse, so he opened the throttle, and off we flew..OMG...I could see the speedo and we were doing just on a ton (100mph), normally of course this wouldn't bother me...but this time it did.
Anyway, cutting a long story short, we got home!! I got off the bike, then suddenly realised I was buzzing, on a real high!! The panic attack had gone and all I wanted to do was go back out on the bike. The only reason I can think this happened is...that all the excess adrenalin rushing around my body and causing me to panic for no reason...suddenly had somewhere to go, when he raced me home.....sooooo back on the bike we went...and were out for an hour.
God I miss riding the bike and I have made a promise to myself that soon, he will be pillion and I will be the one riding..just need to get my confidence back up.
Kaz