Boyfriend away

[Eva May]

Next month my boyfriend is going abroad for 8 nights on a course for his job. He goes on these courses a few times a year but never for 8 nights. He has been going for a few years now but I panic so badly at night when he is away. Its just knowing that I can't reach him whenever I want to because he is so far away. He gets a lot out of these courses and I trust him with my life so I'm not worried about anything funny. I won't ask him not to go as I already feel guilty that I can't take any trips away with him but I'm starting to feel resentful as it's not mandatory that he goes. A part of me is getting so worked up about it that I'm considering breaking up with him and that would just devastate me because I love him so much. I really don't know what to do :shrug:

[lizzie29]

I too worry when my husband is not here. Could you perhaps ask a friend to stay with you the odd night? Or you stay with them? Might just help to break it up a bit, knowing tht you've only 1 or 2 days until you have company.

With regard to breaking up with him - if you love him so much, then don't. Are you getting help for your anxiety and panic? If so, then chances are you'll recover in the future and will be able to cope when he's not there, and even go away together. Then you'll be glad you stayed with him!

I do know how you feel though - that horrible panicky feeling, where there's no way out, you're never going to be able to cope, you don't know what to do, it all seems too much... sound familiar? x

[janeybaby25]

my boyfriend is off to France for 4 days on Thurs so I am going to stay at my parents. feel silly at 28 needing to sleep over at my parents! can you stay with family or any friends? x

[Zingara]

Hi, I'm the same when my boyfriend is away... like Jane, I have to go and sleep at my parents...and I'm 29! I absolutely hate it when he is away though, I get terrible separation anxiety, the last couple of times he has been away without me I have been physically ill with worry. I can relate to your problem, I also feel bad that I can't go on holiday with him and that I shouldn't stop him from going because of my anxiety. I don't really have any definite advice...except don't break up with him over it! But I wanted you to know you're not alone with it. xx

[Eva May]

Thanks so much everyone. I actually feel very anxious about people staying the night and I also don't like staying anywhere other than my own house which just makes things tons harder! But thanks for letting me know that I'm not being silly and you do understand :)

[kazzie]

Thinking of you:hugs:

Kaz x:hugs:

[Eva May]

Well last night was his first night away and I was ok until I went up to bed. I was almost starting to fall asleep when BOOM and I was wide awake, nauseous, shaking uncontrollably and wishing for death. How am I supposed to cope with another week of this? The day time is fine, it's just when I go to bed. I ended up taking 3 xanax and I feel muggy and horrible today. I really resent him for this which I know is unfair and irrational. I dumped him last night (in my head), telling myself that now that we're over I don't have to care where he is or what he's doing. He's being so helpful over the phone but come the real night time, that doesn't help me one little bit. I've had two really successful outings recently and I feel like they've crumbled to nothing because of this :mad:

[EmmaJane]

Hi Eva thinking of you.

I know what you mean about having some really positive steps and then a negative comes up and it wipes all the positives out.

Try telling yourself, that you have done really well and you got through the first night, because you did do well and you can do it.

Good luck xx

[Eva May]

Thanks Emma. I've made a point of trying to see only positive things but I'm tired today after last night so not able to get up the energy to see them. But I did survive and at the tablets did help

[EmmaJane]

Thats fine Eva, I understand that. If you feel bad during the night or anytime, you can email me as my PCs on nearly all the time and emails come through to my phone. Try not to sleep to much during the day, or that will throw you out for tonight.

[juliej]

Eva, don't be too hard on yourself . My husband is away at the moment had to go to Mexico for a 3 hour meeting unbelievable !! I was very anxious yesterday as like you the night time is the worse . I did have my DD8 sharing my bed so that helped but I read a book for a while then lights out :ohmy: I wasn't too bad didn't have a full blown attack but I did wake up on the hour so today feel v tired. Even though it was a success really for me i'm still worrying about tonight. We are so silly to put so much pressure on ourselves. You must pat yourself on the back for being able to be on your own , ok you had a panic attack and it feels awful but you still coped so a big well done:yesyes: I'm sure a lot of people wouldn't even contemplate being on there own.



Julie

[Eva May]

Thanks Julie, I hope he's back now and you're feeling fine again. Well my boyfriend came back on Monday just gone and I survived! I had two bad nights out of 8 which is so much better than I was expecting. So all my fellow separation anxiety sufferers, if I got through last week with a 75% success rate, then anyone can :yesyes:

[juliej]

Well done Eva thats fantastic :D you coped brilliantly and its so nice when they are back . I had one bad night txted my DH at 3 in the morning whilst having a huge PA . He sent one back saying think of your nice place (beach ) and think of me there holding your hand. Bless I went to sleep holding on to my mobile as if it was him Lol.

Next time we will be even better:yahoo:

Julie x