Scared to sleep

[xskababyx]

Hi there,

I'm so glad I have found these forums, as I am constantly stressing about my health... I'm convinced that I'll die young. I have no idea where this fear came from, but I almost feel like it is a fact that I won't live long enough to have children/get married etc. I'm not a sickly person, the only health problems I have are two swollen lympth nodes in my neck... which I have been told are totally harmless.

I'm convinced that I have a brain tumour, or that the lumps in my neck are lymphoma or throat cancer, when my heart skips a beat I think I have heart disease or a weak heart... I was walking up a hill once and my heart started beating really fast and I felt a little dizzy... I was convinced I was having a heart attack!

I also have a constant fear of sleeping alone. Everytime I get into bed the thought of never waking up hits me and I feel scared. I try to sleep with the light on because I think if I die, I'd rather not die alone in the dark! Not very rational, huh? I've never told anyone about this fear 'cos they all already think I'm a bit wierd about my health... I just tell my boyfriend I'm scared of the dark, which luckily he thinks is cute.

Anyway, I just wanted to see if anyone else felt like this at bedtime...

Steph

[Trixie]

Do you have any hobbies that you can do to take your mind of your worries? I cannot relate to what you are going through because I do not suffer from health anxiety. But how can you enjoy life if you are constantly worrying about every little ache and pain.

None of us know what lies ahead that is the way life is, but if you spend all your time worrying about dying what sort of existence is that?

I don't know if in the next ten minutes something will happen to me and I will die but I am not going to sit here worrying about it I am going to make myself a cup of coffee and have a banana.

Please try to be brave and fight this worry you have.:hugs:

[Cathy V]

Hi Steph and welcome to nmp. What you describe seems to be classic health anxiety, and you say you dont know where it came from but it sounds as if it may have come from the swollen lymph nodes. Your anxiety wont allow you to believe the doc and this is another classic example. Because anx makes us feel so rotten physically we just cant understand how its all in our emotions and not a real physical illness, so we always think the doc is wrong and end up having loads of different tests. You're not alone with this, its very common and lots of ppl on this forum suffer in the same way.

Some ppl are afraid to leave their homes because of the feelings of panic, and other like yourself are afraid at night. I think its that when you're awake you are fighting the anxiety constantly, you are 'in charge' of it (and please believe that it is this way round and not that it is in charge of you...coz its you who is creating it, never forget that ok?) You dont like the feeling of sleeping and not knowing what the anx will do to you as you sleep, but guesss what? it will do nothing more than disappear for a few hours...you will sleep and you wont die ok? then when you wake up there it will be waiting to start the day with you again!

I hope with the help of ppl here you can learn to relax and face your fears.

Small steps
Best wishes
Cathy xxx :)

[marie1974]

hiya and welcome health anxiety is very common on here and u will get lots of advice and support, i had this for awhile after my nan died and it triggered it but luckily after a while it went, but i would say you need to keep busy and just keep telling yourself that u r ok and its just your anxiety and do something to take your mind off it, emails, reading, chores, ring a friend for reassurance even cos sometimes thats all we need to feel better hugs xx

[xskababyx]

Thanks for your replies. I recognise what you're saying about it being 'triggered' because I go through phazes. Sometimes I'll have a couple of days of pure anxiety where I think I have every illness under sun, and then I have calmer patches where I don't think about it so much and recognise that maybe I am being irrational about dying young! I think what started it all was when I was younger, my mum's best friend died suddenly of a brain hemorrage (sp?) It was very unexpected, and it was really my first 'introduction' to death. Ever since then I've had this obsession with dying young, or unexpectedly!

I think you are right about not feeling in control of myself when I go to sleep, sometimes I get this irrational thought that the later I go to bed, the less chance there is of me dying in my sleep.

[Trixie]

Thanks for your replies. I recognise what you're saying about it being 'triggered' because I go through phazes. Sometimes I'll have a couple of days of pure anxiety where I think I have every illness under sun, and then I have calmer patches where I don't think about it so much and recognise that maybe I am being irrational about dying young! I think what started it all was when I was younger, my mum's best friend died suddenly of a brain hemorrage (sp?) It was very unexpected, and it was really my first 'introduction' to death. Ever since then I've had this obsession with dying young, or unexpectedly!

I think you are right about not feeling in control of myself when I go to sleep, sometimes I get this irrational thought that the later I go to bed, the less chance there is of me dying in my sleep.

But then if you had to die wouldn't that be the best way to go in your sleep?

As a nurse I saw many patients die both young and old, it happens to all of us sometime, but by thinking about it constantly it is like you are wishing it upon yourself.

If your time is up, it's up. Enjoy yourself now and forget about it.:hugs:

[lubylou]

trixi
i am sorry your advice is great for some people
for me for some reason it only made me feel worse .
i think that we dont wanna hear who died and that it is going to happen
we know that
that is whats scary
we are not silly people
sorry if this sounds blunt and i know many people will think like you
your post judt did the opposit of reasurring me
sorry