i need some help and advice

[greenday1997]

i dont know what to do anymore

every other day my dad takes it upon himself to start hurling abuse, insults, ordering me about like scum, so i stand up for myself and its worse, the anxietys pounding away in ma head mixed with rage and all the time the comments are cutting into me, the more i stand up to it the worse it gets but ill never back down so it turns into a physical fight.

its like mental abuse all the time and he'll twist things around to others, he'll belittle the anxiety, i try to do everythin i can to stay out his way but he'll come looking for me to give me a hard time.

today its happened as usual and turned into fists on both out parts, and i hate being like this but when someones up to ur face calling u all the names under the sun and telling u ur scum and being as nasty as they can be it jst makes u explode.

so now am jst feeling angry upset, and had enough, dnno wot to do anymore, am trying to keep on top stay positive, how can u tell somone even the smallest things are a chore when they jst laugh at you. i hate saying the word bullyied cos i wont allow maself to be but thats what he tries to do all the time and i get this all day every other day. i cant go out the house very far, so i cant get away

he makes it clear every day that am not welcome, am not wanted here but i got no choice, i cant work at the min, i need to get better to get a job so i can move out which he jst laughs at when i explain to him. the reason am back living at home is cos me and the ex girlfriend split 5 months ago so i had nowhere else to go - which he'll also tell me it was my fault cos am a waste of time, shes better off without me. its all the time and its grinding me down on top of everything else its makin the anxiety worse when it happens get anxiety with stress so takes me ages to calm down from it and when am trying to crawl outa this depression this jst drags me under again.

does anyone have any advice (talking dosent work as he dosent comprimise) so i need to go down some other route , like possibly a counsellor that can talk to him n give him some facts abt anxiety, i dnno thing his he's gonna twist his version of stuff like always happens so really am pretty stuck arent i

[Lilith1980]

Hi Greenday :hugs:

I'm assuming you live with your Dad? If so, is there any way you can move out? His behaviour and attitude towards you is obviously not helping your anxiety.

I think your idea of counselling is good.....Relate do relationship counselling and I dont necessarily think its just for "couples". Do you think your Dad would be receptive to the idea?

Do you have your own counsellor you can talk to about this?

I can only assume that your Dad's attitude is down to his lack of awareness of what you are going through. But unfortunately I dont have any answers as to why he is so hostile.

Has he always been like this towards you? Or is it only since you've started experiencing your anxiety?

Sorry for all the questions, just wanted to get more of an idea on things.

Jo xxxxx

[est]

hiya
so sorry to hear whats been going on for you today. theres no excuse for your dads behaviour and it certainly isnt going to do your anx any good.
could you show him this site perhaps to enable him to view the suffering we go through.
hopefully he might understand too how best to deal with your anx in a way that is going to help
thinking of you:hugs:

[greenday1997]

yeah hes always been like this towards me, to be honest last time it was this bad was about 8 years ago when i was just completely outve it housebound etc for a year cdnt do anything think id had some sorta anxiety breakdown and hed stick the boot in where possible. he just sees it as being lazy, and sometimes when am trying to explain its hard cos of the anxiety it just sounds pathetic even to me but its the truth.

but yeah hes always been very manipulative and wants things his way or not at all and he'll get people to such a point in their head where theyre screaming out. always been the one to point the finger and say ur a failure, yet after a while i stopped caring as long as i did wot made me happy n not hurted anyone.

to be honest i dont think hed go for it and dont really wanna do anythin that bonds with him cos next breath ya jst get let down so am keeping ma distance, but what hes doing needs to stop n i dnno wot to do

[Lilith1980]

I think Est's idea of showing him this site or maybe getting a few print-outs of the symptoms page would be good.

He cannot understand the condition fully but I think he needs to make the effort to see things from your perspective.

Is there any way you can move out?

Jo xxxxx

[greenday1997]

hey est yeah have tried that b4 hes read up on stuff prob with that is he then thinks he blames me for not doing absolutely everything the advice suggests even if its not for me for example certain things i been trying to do in steps n its been working, to him its not acceptable!

hate lashin out too cos that brings some ocd back up to the surface and it scares me that it i jst snap and lose it and with the ocd that a course is what ya fear doing.

jst dnno wot to do

[greenday1997]

moving out no option there, dont work so havent the funds and anyone i know it wdnt be convenient to crash at theirs, esp as am tryin to get back on ma feet and how longs a piece of string

[est]

to be honest its going to be so hard for u to get better while you have to endure this. it is totally unacceptable. having said that if u have to live with him its going to be difficult for you.do you have any other support ?

[greenday1997]

have some of the best mates going to be honest and i can go round to theirs certain times of the week but other than that, here and thats it, i dnno wot kinda route to take.

maybe a counsellor who can do home visits and can come up some sorta plan to make all this easier, i dnno who to ask, gp maybe? at a loss to be honest i dont know where the point of call lies with this. its not bullyin as such because i wont allow myself to be bullyied but then always this conflict and it grinds me down and sets me back when am strugglin anyway to get maself sorted

[milly jones]

rob,

i live with someone who totally refuses to believe and understand anxiety. he thinks im lazy and dont try hard enough. he loses it with me cos of my anx which he thinks is pathetic and weak.

ive tried to get him to understand thru leflets, books, and joining nmp under duress.

hes never going to understand unless god forbid he gets it.

i dont want sympathy just empathy

i wish i could offer some help and advice. i do have my parents and son to talk to who are supportive.

take care mate

thinking of u

millxx

[greenday1997]

thanx milly x and than for the replys,

i can totally relate to you too, and its not sympathy i want either its empathy. i dont blame people for not understanding, as i think to truley understand is to actually have it yourself, and some people are jst not programmed for that, one of my mates had bullemia, i cdnt fully understand but cud empathise,

and i think when it comes down to it, thats all we ask

[amandaj]

do you have any friends you could talk ,to or stay at that house its a horrible situation for you , it doesnt help one bit when people dont understand hope it gets easier for you

amanda xx

[greenday1997]

thanx amanda, got friends i can talk to sure, i jst want to find a way to sort this situation out jst dnno wot kinda help or support is out there really x

[bottleblond]

Rob

I honestly don't know what to say that would be in any way polite towards your dad. What a bleedin monster of a man to treat you like this. It doesn't matter what age you are mate, at the end of the day, you are still his son and i'm disgusted at this mans behaviour.

Your in a catch 22 situation here because you are living in his house and you can't move out because you don't work at the moment, but is there NO where else you could go? a family member? friends? God mate, i really feal for you here. It's bad enough having anxiety without the added extra of a violent parent to boot.

Try to stay out his way as much as possible hun!!

God let me at him!!

l
Love and hugs
Lisa
xxxxxxxxxxx

[greenday1997]

lol lisa xx thanks hun xx its a tough one really because yeah i cud probably go somewhere, for a bit at least, but then when do u overstay ur welcome? i cant really go out that much becuase of the anxiety and people have their own lives.

the problem is its an ongoing issue, its always been the same for as long as i can remember, its more the mental abuse to be honest more than physical but the mental is worse for me to deal with. it always seems to be worse when im not in a good way, when i need people to be more understanding (ironically).

ive tried comprimise it dosent work, u give an inch tried to take a mile and then when hes in a mood - which is quite often for mr happy - everythin goes out the window anyway n i get it all.

then theres how long til am back on my feet? how long is a piece of string? im trying even when the smallest little thing seems like so much effort at times and trying not to lose spirit which i am doing at times sometimes im jst completely fed up and had enough with everything but then i have to pull myself outve it, i appreciate sometimes on the outside that might look like im being lazy but sometimes if we only knew what goes on in peoples heads, its tough, but to have someone not even wanting consider that possibility makes in ten times harder.

what am worried abt is, i wanna get better get back to things, im getting pressure for that to happen too, but how? with all of this going on it jst pulls me back down again and makes things ten times harder, so am i gonna be stuck in this viscious circle that just seems to build up all the time and get worse? actually need some help from somewhere but i dont know where and from who

maybe a counsellor or someone could drum it into his thick head that actually if he stops being such the ass that he is ill be able to get better quickly and be back to things again and peace all round - coming from me he thinks its an excuse to be lazy or wotever he thinks in his weird little head

albeit after 12 years of knowing i have this condition and has seen b4 when its took me outa work etc

what a legend of a man

[bottleblond]

I totaly get where your coming from Rob and it must be a living hell for you. I think it would be a good idea, like you said to get someone else to talk to him and try to make the man understand that by brow beating you like this is just pro-longing your illness which is helping no one in the situation.

Is there a counsilor or anyone else you see that would maybe have a word on your behalf?

Keep posting hun

Love Lisa
xxx

[marie1974]

hiya and i am sorry your dad sounds horrid sorry, you really need to find a way to move out out of there because he is just making your anxiety alot worse, change is a good thing and i have done it before cos if u suffer from dep or anxiety ect being around negative people is the worst thing and i dont believe you can fully get better until the negative has gone or changed to a positive. i really hope you find a way cos u dont deserve that hugs xxx

[polly123]

Aw Greenday
Havent got anything useful to say other than my heart gpoes out to you mate, wish i could help in some way, my thoughts are with you
Take Care POLLY