mlondon
11-06-08, 20:06
Hi everyone
Today I have been feeling anxious and just generally a bit wierd. I am going to be very honest here which also means I am being honest with myself. Last year around this time I was at a party. It was just before my birthday. I took some drugs. I didn't do drugs often but did do them occassionally at the odd party, I haven't taken anything since. Anyway the next morning I had my first panic attack. I don't put it down to the drugs as I had a lot of stress in my life at the time but I do think the exhaustion from the party and weakened immune system had an effect.
I stood on the balcony gasping for breath, paced up and down and lay in bed in full panic mode. I was convinced I had done some serious damage to myself and was going to die. I was racked with guilt, thoughts of my family's upset rushed through my head.
Anyway that was last year. Last saturday it was my birthday. I had been out 5 nights in a row. On saturday night I drank way too much at my birthday bash and ended up being sick outside the cab window and not being able to walk. I was fine, my boyfriend got me home. All my friends laugh it off saying that it was my birthday. I felt so sick the next day I wondered whether I had alcoholic poisoning and whether I was going to die. All the guilt and anger at myself from the previous year came flooding back.
Whilst I didn't have an attack I have felt anxious since. How do we dispell this guilt. For fear of making this read too long and boring, I am going to write another one asking another question....
Today I have been feeling anxious and just generally a bit wierd. I am going to be very honest here which also means I am being honest with myself. Last year around this time I was at a party. It was just before my birthday. I took some drugs. I didn't do drugs often but did do them occassionally at the odd party, I haven't taken anything since. Anyway the next morning I had my first panic attack. I don't put it down to the drugs as I had a lot of stress in my life at the time but I do think the exhaustion from the party and weakened immune system had an effect.
I stood on the balcony gasping for breath, paced up and down and lay in bed in full panic mode. I was convinced I had done some serious damage to myself and was going to die. I was racked with guilt, thoughts of my family's upset rushed through my head.
Anyway that was last year. Last saturday it was my birthday. I had been out 5 nights in a row. On saturday night I drank way too much at my birthday bash and ended up being sick outside the cab window and not being able to walk. I was fine, my boyfriend got me home. All my friends laugh it off saying that it was my birthday. I felt so sick the next day I wondered whether I had alcoholic poisoning and whether I was going to die. All the guilt and anger at myself from the previous year came flooding back.
Whilst I didn't have an attack I have felt anxious since. How do we dispell this guilt. For fear of making this read too long and boring, I am going to write another one asking another question....