View Full Version : Managing the Stress
Hi,
I think I need some advice.
I have been particularly stressed for 3 or 4 weeks now and find it difficult to know how to manage it. I’m not sure if I’m actually more stressed than I was before, but I no longer seem to have the emotional upsets that were such a strong feature of my daily life for many times over the winter.
I have been going to see a psychotherapist privately for the past five months, and I’m happy with my treatment there. Every fortnight I now see an NHS Occupational Therapist, and I feel these two people compliment each other.
However, the OT is suggesting that I timetable my week, so that I have one significant activity each day (this could be a therapist appointment, a drive to the next door town or whatever). She is also suggesting that I enquire at a local charity shop for some voluntary work, perhaps three hours a week.
It has been my intention for some time to do some voluntary work, and have since learnt that some of the charity shops taken on volunteers that are not too ‘key’, so that if you are not up to attend one week, it won’t matter too much.
But I am getting conflicting advice. My OT is suggesting this structured activity approach, but my psychotherapist is saying I should just do as I feel. His reasoning is that I have quite a disturbed mind and that additional activity will increase the stress – my OT thinks that the small amount of shop work will decrease it!
My guess is that she doesn’t realise how I really feel, and is assuming I’m your average anxiety Joe, whereas maybe I’m a bit different!
I know that I have to know what I’m capable of to ease the stress (I’m feeling bad the last two days because of a busy Thursday) and avoid the temptation to be too ambitious. I know that working in that shop will do me good – I am leading quite a lonely existence and am probably still ‘grieving’ from the loss of being with my old work colleagues. But I don't think the time is right. I doubt if any shop would be interested in me for one hour a week, but this may be a way forward. Any ideas?
I also find that good company is a great stress reliever and that’s why I go to the chat room every night!
As a background, my original is post is here New here today (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2420)
Ray
Don't wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you've got to make yourself.--Alice Walker
Ray,
just read your orginal post and it seems to me you have made great progress.....have you considered this??
my personal opinion? well id say you like conversation by the sounds of it but have to be careful of overlaoding yourself, as we all do, however I think the voluntary work is a great idea. new people to meet, new people to help, a great distraction and all done in a nice calm enviroment.
you doubt if anyone would be interested in you for one day a week, well only one way of finding out......
not to keen on your therapist saying a disturbed mind...perhaps a mind, like us all on here, who perhaps over think a situation time and time again, hey but thats just us and we are all very unique and special in our own way....never forget that.
voulntary work can give a great feeling and focus, Id have a go if I was you but thats just me. will be interested to see what others say.........i think the timetable is a great idea but do it all in moderation, wont change the world overnight but small steps truly help.
i wish you all the luck in the world with whatever you decided to do....and ray you are never alone, you have us.
andy
hi ray,
well it's certainly tricky when you are being offered conflicting advice.
i think that deep down, we all know our own boundaries and if we didn't before, we certainly do as a result of suffering from panic/anxiety. if you feel like you are ready to put yourself out there a bit more, then you just need to find a way of doing it that suits you and won't put too much pressure on you.
presumably voluntary work is not paid and i bet that charity shops or whatever are always looking for an extra pair of hands. you wouldn't lose anything by making a few enquiries - i reckon you'd be able to reach some kind of agreement, like one morning a week or whatever. the work itself wouldn't be too stressful but you have to make sure you're ready to cope with being in a working environment and aren't going to start thinking stressy thoughts like 'do they like me? am i good enough?' etc.
i think that having something to focus on each day is a really good idea, even if it's just walking to the local shop and back. doesn't matter how small the 'task' is.
anyway, sorry for rambling on. henri gives ray a hug!
hope tomorrow is a better day for you. take care,
henri x
Seems that there is room for compromise by maybe setting a structure for every other day and then giving yourself 'free' days on the premise that you won't waste them away but not have them timetabled at all and as time goes by you can see which days help you most at this time .
There are more ways to do voluntary work than in a shop- helping the old lady up the road walk her dog is just as good for another day and you meet different people in new environments so you'll get a variety of contacts within your week.
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
turtlemoon
18-04-05, 22:03
Hi Ray
I too left work after a very stressful time at the beginning of the year. I hadn't been there for some time, but I decided to leave as I knew that even though it would be one of the hardest things I ever did, I would have been staying for all the wrong reasons. The job was making me ill, end of story.
Anyway, after I left things went from bad to worse. Like you my GAD got worse and there were times when I couldn't even leave the house. But all that started to change when I talked to a friend who had suffered the same way 2 years previous. Her advice - find something to occupy yourself. Even if it's only something small to begin with, for a few minutes a day. So that's what I did. It was really hard at first and there were times when I really wanted to just throw in the towel, but I didn't. Two months later and I'm working, begining to enjoy life again and realising there is life after GAD. I'm not denying there are bad days because there are, but you've taken the first step already. You've taken up photography, something you enjoy and something which at least has the potential to get you out of the 'four walls' of home, which I found can almost become like an extension of the GAD the longer you stay there sometimes.
As for the voluntary work, I think it's a good idea. Why not see about volunteering for the charity Sense, who may understand a little more about your condition and sympathise with the way you are feeling. It's worth a try even if it's only for a couple of hours a week. And if you don't like it, try not to look at it as a failure either (or your GAD 'getting the better' of you). I tried a couple of jobs before I found the one I'm in now and it's all a learning curve. The job you end up in will be the right one for you because hopefully it will help you to move your thoughts away from your GAD and not make you concentrate on it even more.
Good luck!
Turtle :)
Hi Ray ,
You could use and resurrect your 'What I Saw Today’ as part of your therapy.
I know you've kept some of it up but you really have such a great eye for subjects and it forfills some of your needs.
You could spend more time on shots that are being asked for commercially.
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Hi Ray
It seems to me you are ready to take the next step and are keen to, however you achieve it we will all be here to support you.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Thanks for all your support and encouragement, guys!
I had a chat with the volunteer recruitment person for the local hospice this afternoon - they have several shops in the area as well as other volunteer opportunities.
It was a pleasant surprise to discover that she is a therapist too, and so related to my anxiety issues, and that was a great help.
Anyway, I'm planning to fill out the application form, discuss it my therapist tomorrow and the Hospice are to give me a trial in one of the shops to see what its like, and what kind of duties I can do.
Meg - as for photography, I am back on taking a photograph daily and have been for a while, but all my recent photos are under the heading 'Intermission'. I still have not quite found the courage to re-label it as a daily occurrence, although it has been March 8th!
I'm minded not to go into photography in a commercial way, as I fear the pressure from clients, and also it may take away some of the fun. However, I could place some of my work with a 'stock photography' company which could earn me some pocket-money.
But I want to re-evaluate what kind of paid job I may want to do, when I eventually reach that point in my recovery.
Cheers,
Ray
Don't wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you've got to make yourself.--Alice Walker
Hi ray im still reading through this post but wanted to add this b4 i forgot u can take a new pic of me for the back of the gents door seen as how burdock pinched the last one !!! there u go your first job xxx
kairen x
Hi ray sorry could not resist that,
well i have read all your posts, really sorry to hear you feel your not coping to well, and i think when you have 2 people who you respect giving you different advice i can see how u would struggle with that,
ive struggled for 20 years with anxiety but had many years in between where i was semi normal, mine seems to run in 7 years cycles or maybe that is the way things have gone in my life,
i had my first child 7 years ago and after that stopped work well worked from home when they were asleep, it was hard work and things got on top of me then, but i got through it, now they are at school and i find i have no purpose no reason to get up other than to take them to school,
although i feel fine now and feel i am in control emotionaly i feel it is the lack of routine in my life sort of a lack of purpose, basically what im sayin is yes i think it would be good for you to do a fw hours voluntary work, but only if you are comfortable with it,
sorry to wafle and i still dont think i got got my point over LOL
anyway, see u later no doubt in chat room dont want any cheek mind LOL
kairen x
nomorepanic
19-04-05, 20:08
Ray
The charity work sounds like a great idea so I hope that works out for you.
Are you any good as a general handy man? You could do a bit of gardening etc to earn some extra cash.
I agree that you should aim to do something every day but not necessarily something mammoth. Some days you could just wash the windows in the house or clean a cupboard out.
Boredom can breed anxiety cos we have too much time to think about things.
Nicola
Nic,
My coping skills are at present abysmal, and my OT is aware of this.
The hospice thought of doing a bit of gardening being ideal, as I could be very flexible as to how much I did and when, but unfortunately its not a job I enjoy and it seems to have a bad effect on my anxiety.
And am far from being a handyman - I could tell you a joke about what I was like at woodwork at school. We all had to make a stool and all my legs didn't fit so just tried everyone else's cast-offs to see if they would do, but they didn't lol.
Ray
Don't wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you've got to make yourself.--Alice Walker
Ray
You are heading in the right direction mate and in time you will be ready to take on employment but until then try what you have suggested and see how it goes. Even if you dont like it it will be a confidence boost.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Ray,
Hope you are feeling a bit more positive today !!!!,
You where very quiet last night, hope your ok hun,
Dont stress your self out thinking about a job it will come to you when the time is right, just try doing stuff you enjoy at the minute, and take it from there, try not to think to far ahead,
anyway must dash have to wash my hair xx
kairen x
Hi Ray,
I have also been off work for a while, and was finding that sitting at home all day definitely makes it worse. So I found a women's outreach center and volunteer there casually. Thought that I was be a nervous wreck my first day, but I wasn't (a little nervous, yes). It was wonderful! Once I got working I was so enveloped in what I was doing I didn't have time for those nasty thoughts to come into my head. And at the end of the day I felt great that I had helped someone else out. Very satisfying and positive experience. Volunteering may help you in this way...in theory it is supposed to be a selfless act, but I'm sure you will find that you greatly benefit as well from the positive emotions. And if it helps to think this way, remember that it is a volunteer position, so their expectations of you are probably nowhere near as high as you are worried about!
Please let us know how your first day goes. You will feel nervous, but try to give it a go, and I'm sure you will quickly feel confortable.
Lisa
Ray
We will support you whatever you feel is best for you and are here for you whenever you need us, well when you get out of the bar mate.
Take care.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
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