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kate
16-04-05, 18:58
We have just had the most awful 3 weeks. My daughter, Hannah, has been bullied by text messages and phone calls, by a girl from her school who also lives in the next road to us.

This girl wanted to beat Hannah up, called her some horrible names.

Hannah wouldn't go out of the house on her own, sat in her room for hours on end, it broke my heart.

On the Monday, first day back at school, me and hubby went to see her Head of House who totally didn't want to know. Hannah wasn't at school, she wouldn't go, wanted us to move house and to move her to another school.

On the Tuesday, my brave daughter said that she must go back to school. I went off to work not knowing what would be happening to her at school.

She came home and said that the Ed Psychologist had her and the bully in
and talked to them about everything apart from their argument.

So, I phoned the Head teacher and told him all that had happened, complained about the Head of House's attitude, and told him I wanted it sorted.

Friday Hannah and the bully had a meeting with the Head of House and it was all thrashed out. The Head of House even phoned me at work to tell me how it had gone.

The bully has been warned off and we have had no more text or phone messages.

The effects though are going to be long lasting. The extended family, grandparents, aunties even my own friends, have all phoned me everyday to see how Hannah was and how things were going. They all love her as much as me and hubby do and it upset everyone so much to see what she was going through.

My anxiety and depression are awful too. Even though it is Saturday I didn't want to be bothered to get out of bed today and have just mooched around the house feeling so low.

Hubby has had a 3 day headache and has been worried out of his mind about her.

And Hannah? Her OCD had been dreadful, the touching things a number of times, doing rituals. repeating things, well, it's all gone off the scale at the moment. She has changed over the last few weeks. She is crying a lot of the time, her temper is dreadful, she is just so down.

I have had 2 of her school friends round today. They've had pizza and are watching DVD's in her room. I'm hoping that she will gradually start to feel better, hoping that we can all start to relax a bit more.

Until it happens to YOUR child, you have no idea what an effect bullying has on the whole family and indeed the extended family. When the child who is being bullied also has mental health problems, it makes it all the more difficult to deal with.

I want Hannah to be happy, I want to hear her laughing again, to go to school without being scared, to not spend hours in her room on her own. I want her to be a carefree child once again.

I just hope that it really has been sorted and that we can get on with living again. I hope that bullies can one day think before they wreck peoples lives, put themselves in the place of the victim. No one deserves to have their lives affected so badly by the actions of others.

Kate x

Meg
16-04-05, 19:07
Kate,

I'm so sorry to hear about this awful experience you have all had and Hannah has had to deal with herself on top of her other issues.

I think you did so well in handling it and pushing the school to sort it out.

I really hope it is over and things can return to normal.

Love
Meg

nomorepanic
16-04-05, 19:07
Kate

My heart goes out to you!!!

You have enough to cope with without all this going on.:( I hope Hannah will be ok and it all gets sorted and blows over quickly.

Bullying is a big issue at schools and I am sure it will not be helping her as she is feeling a bit down and sensitive as it is.

I can't offer a solution mate but I can offer you all my support and a big hug:)

Take care Kate
x

Nicola

clickaway
16-04-05, 19:12
Yeah, a big hug from me too, Kate.

I'm appalled at the behaviour at the Head of House. Makes you wonder what he thinks his job is...

Hope things get sorted soon

Take Care,



Ray



Don't wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you've got to make yourself.--Alice Walker

sarah
16-04-05, 19:20
Hiya Kate

I dont know what to say hon.
I really do hope that this bully has been warned off for good and that Hannah can get on with being a kid again.

Much love and Hugs

Sarah
xx

jude
16-04-05, 21:04
Hi Kate,

I had this problem with my youngest son, it was a nightmare.
Schools dont seem to want to admit when they have a problem and try to brush it under the carpet. Well done for not allowing them to do that.

Take comfort in the fact that you have so many caring members of the family around you. It will help your daughter to feel more secure having people around her that love her.

Give yourself a big pat on the back for being a super mum. :D

Jude x

Be gentle with yourself....you just need some time to heal.

Rennie1989
16-04-05, 23:16
Hiya, i know what hannah is goin through

during the morning i wouldnt say a word, i would just get on and get ready for school.

during school i would be even more quiet, sometimes never say a word. i would have pens paper rulers and other equipment thrown at me, rulers bein the worst. also durin pe if we were doin badminton peeps would hit my with their rackets if i ''annoyed'' them, i had brouses but never tell anyone. i was always depressed at school and a mate would sort of mock me like ''you should stand up for yourself because you are so quiet and you will always be a boffin'' it really hurt me!

at home after school i would run to my room and stay there, only come down if i forgot sumot that would get my homework done. i would sumtimes never eat most days, and i lost weight, so much that i was 6 stone, i remember once that i lost a few pounds of that! i would be really dizzy. in a way i was torturin myself or killin myself.

wish i had a mum would could care! in child care iv been reading on emotional development and i have 'low self-esteem' no suprise there

Scooter Girl AKA Jade

kate
16-04-05, 23:56
Jade,

That is awful, is it still going on? If so, you must tell someone. It's the only way to get it to stop.

Love kate xx

Rennie1989
17-04-05, 19:25
It still goes on now but there is no point me tellin anyone because nothing happens, it just makes matters worse.

last time my mum told my head of year and i dont no what she sed but it made the matter alot worse. i was picked on more and i was nearly on the breach to commitin suicide

there is no point now!

Scooter Girl AKA Jade

mynydd
17-04-05, 19:40
hi kate,
i dont know what youre daughter went through but it sounds awful. i was bullied at school and i never talked about it to no one- not until i started going to see the psychologist about my o.c.d. and that was about 5 years after i left. i didnt realise how much it still hurts, i dont think itll ever go away but talking about it does help.
all i can say is just be their for youre daughter, i never confided in no one and i regret that so give her a big hug and just be their hun.

kate
17-04-05, 20:22
Jade,

I also found that talking to the Head of house was of no use whatsoever.

She said that she is always hearing kids saying that they are going to "batter" someone and that it doesn't usually mean anything :( What a loaf of c**p!!

I found that going direct to the Headmaster was the only way forward and boy did things move then! He didn't seem to like the fact that I was critical of the Head of House. Tough, it was my daughter involved and I would have moved mountains to get things put right for her.

You really should try to tell someone about this. Your school life should be happy and free from fear. No child should ever have to go through school contemplating suicide. Please talk to someone as soon as you can.

Thinking of you

Love Kate xx

kate
17-04-05, 20:30
Hi Mynydd,

Thank you for your reply.

This is what bullies don't seem to understand. The effects of their behaviour carries on into their victims adulthood. I'm so glad to hear that you were able to talk to your psychologist about it all, that must have been such a relief.

Bullies rely on the victim not telling. Fortunately, my daughters form of OCD means that she has to tell me everything as she thinks something bad will happen to me if she doesn't! This proved to be quite useful when the bullying was going on as she was telling me the whole story on a daily basis.

I hope that you can move forward from your awful experiences and find peace within yourself.

Love Kate xxx

tattybear
18-04-05, 11:25
I was picked on at high school...although I had a great group of friends who im stil friends with now (I left school 6 years ago), i was in some classes without them and the 'popular' kids would tease me and make comments. I was quite shy when on my own so i just used to take it. I was fine when with my friends as they never seemed to bother me then. and i dont thik my friends where aware of it.

I still think about it every few days. i dont think ive ever dealt with it and ive never ever told anyone about it.

I suffer with depression, ocd, anxiety panic attacks and i dont know what the cause of them is.

I have a great relationship with my fiance who i live with.

I wonder whether is i tell my phychiatrist about this whether it will help or whether im just making a mountain out of nothing, and probably what happened all thoses years ago doesnt mean anything??

Tatty B xx

kate
18-04-05, 15:14
Hi Tatty,

If you still regularly think about the bullying and you have never really dealt with it, then you are definately not making a mountain out of nothing.

Maybe the bullying has had the effect of making you anxious and so would be totally relevant to how you are feeling in the present time.

I would discuss it with your psychiatrist. Bringing it all out into the open and being able to talk about it with someone who will not judge, will do you the world of good.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

Love Kate xx

tattybear
18-04-05, 15:21
Thanks Kate.

I will def talk to him when I next see him.

I am a very self concious and have low self esteem which I think probably stems from when I was at high school as I never spoke out, or if i did speak I was ridiculed...Kids can be so horrible!!

How are things with you and hows your daughter?

Tatty B xx

kate
18-04-05, 15:32
Hi Tatty,

Yes, you are so right, kids can be really cruel.

Any bullying is dreadful and no one should ever have to endure it. We have to send our children to school, by law, so the environment in which they are taught should be safe. As parents, we would never put our children in dangerous or frightening situations so this should not be allowed to happen at school either.

Hannah saw the bully out on the street on Sunday and they actually talked to each other. The best thing that I did was to go to the Head master and that is exactly what I will do if anything else happens.

Hannah seems happier now that she can at least venture out of the front door and go to school without running the risk of being beaten up. For me and her dad it seems to be taking longer for us to become calm again. Her dad has had a constant headache now for 5 days and my anxiety is still very high. But I think it will take us a while to all get over this and move on.

I hope it all goes well with your psychiatrist and that you can finally start to put your own horrible experiences of bullying behind you.

Thinking of you

Love Kate xx

tattybear
18-04-05, 15:36
Im really glad things are looking up with you , Hannah and your husband.

I compleatly agree with what you say.

I dont have children yet, so i can only imagin how hard it must be to see them go through it.

Its such a positive thing that the meeting with the headmaster went well...hopfully it will be a turning point for you all.

Its good that she hasnt hid it from you and your husband, as hiding it can only make it worse.

hang in there and be positive :D

Tatty B xx

kate
18-04-05, 15:39
Thanks Tatty.

One other little thing that I forgot to mention, Hannah says that the girl who was bullying her wears a blue anti bullying band, how ironic :(

Love Kate xx

tattybear
18-04-05, 15:46
That really does take the p**s doesnt it...

I think the bands are a great idea but cant help thinking that they're somtimes more of a fashion statement then people wearing them for what they really stand for....such as in this girls case [Sigh...]





Tatty B xx

Rennie1989
19-04-05, 19:56
I wear that band!

Scooter Girl AKA Jade