Bill
13-06-08, 02:10
To cling or not to cling?........is it a virtue or a weakness???
I think it depends on your perspective and who you ask.
Who uses the phrase most....."You cling too much"?
I think you'll find it's people who enjoy their freedom and independence because the people who feel insecure like ourselves like to know someone is always there for us.
Therefore, to someone who needs attention, to them, someone who "clings" would probably be considered as a virtue but someone who enjoys their freedom would probably call it a weakness. It's these people who then accuse us so then we feel bad about ourselves that we want their attention.
However, I think it's also a question of striking the right balance between wanting to be there for someone and allowing them freedom.
I can remember how my father used to feel bad about leaving my mother on her own or not doing more for her when he didn't feel up to it. My mother though actually enjoyed some time to herself and wanted my father to get out so he could enjoy himself. They were both there for each other though. Both cared and wanted to be with each other but both enjoyed time to themselves. I think though it was my father who felt more guilty about leaving my mother on her own because he hated being on his own himself so I guess it makes us feel that the one we love would also hate being on their own when they don't. My mother used to say that when he was out the way she could get on with jobs!!!
I think the word "clinging" is a harsh word used by people who don't understand why people feel the need to be with someone and to care for them. I'd rather say you "care Too much".
When I was in my teens I used to try and give my mother a hug but she always pushed me away because it made her feel uncomfortable. I'm not sure why though except that she's always been shy and not an overly affectionate woman. She'd only hug any of us if she hadn't seen any of us for a long time but never on a daily basis. She did tell me though that she was afraid to give me the affection I wanted because she didn't want to "mother" me.
They say we're attracted to partners who are like our parents so ironically my wife is like my mother in that respect, never needing or wanting affection. Strange how life works out.
Anyway, my parents were together for nearly 60 years before we lost my father. Just like all marriages they had their ups and downs but they had a Very strong Loving bond and that kept them together through all the problems they faced. They were always there for each other.
When my father became ill, this bond really showed and my mother cared for him to the bitter end. They both knew they were losing each other but their bond and understanding kept them strong. I did what I could to support my mother but to protect me, she'd often say to let her care for my father so I didn't have to watch him suffer too much. She has amazing strength and she admitted that she thought she wouldn't still be around herself after the pain she went through.
I know that I would rather have someone care about me Too much and to cling to me because then also I feel needed by Them. When we're ill, we need someone to cling to and for someone to cling to us so I can't see clinging or caring too much as a weakness but as a virtue.:hugs:
I think it depends on your perspective and who you ask.
Who uses the phrase most....."You cling too much"?
I think you'll find it's people who enjoy their freedom and independence because the people who feel insecure like ourselves like to know someone is always there for us.
Therefore, to someone who needs attention, to them, someone who "clings" would probably be considered as a virtue but someone who enjoys their freedom would probably call it a weakness. It's these people who then accuse us so then we feel bad about ourselves that we want their attention.
However, I think it's also a question of striking the right balance between wanting to be there for someone and allowing them freedom.
I can remember how my father used to feel bad about leaving my mother on her own or not doing more for her when he didn't feel up to it. My mother though actually enjoyed some time to herself and wanted my father to get out so he could enjoy himself. They were both there for each other though. Both cared and wanted to be with each other but both enjoyed time to themselves. I think though it was my father who felt more guilty about leaving my mother on her own because he hated being on his own himself so I guess it makes us feel that the one we love would also hate being on their own when they don't. My mother used to say that when he was out the way she could get on with jobs!!!
I think the word "clinging" is a harsh word used by people who don't understand why people feel the need to be with someone and to care for them. I'd rather say you "care Too much".
When I was in my teens I used to try and give my mother a hug but she always pushed me away because it made her feel uncomfortable. I'm not sure why though except that she's always been shy and not an overly affectionate woman. She'd only hug any of us if she hadn't seen any of us for a long time but never on a daily basis. She did tell me though that she was afraid to give me the affection I wanted because she didn't want to "mother" me.
They say we're attracted to partners who are like our parents so ironically my wife is like my mother in that respect, never needing or wanting affection. Strange how life works out.
Anyway, my parents were together for nearly 60 years before we lost my father. Just like all marriages they had their ups and downs but they had a Very strong Loving bond and that kept them together through all the problems they faced. They were always there for each other.
When my father became ill, this bond really showed and my mother cared for him to the bitter end. They both knew they were losing each other but their bond and understanding kept them strong. I did what I could to support my mother but to protect me, she'd often say to let her care for my father so I didn't have to watch him suffer too much. She has amazing strength and she admitted that she thought she wouldn't still be around herself after the pain she went through.
I know that I would rather have someone care about me Too much and to cling to me because then also I feel needed by Them. When we're ill, we need someone to cling to and for someone to cling to us so I can't see clinging or caring too much as a weakness but as a virtue.:hugs: