Having a relationship!

[smiler]

Hi ya!

I am having a little dilemma at the minute! This might sound daft but how do you all cope being in a relationship! married or with partners! I find it really hard to get close with men because i am scared that they will see the true me! I also get these feelings of inadequacy and that i have nothing to offer them! How where you all feerling when you met your partners!

I normally end up being really shy, ie saying nothing! Possibly because i'm scared i'l say something boring and he'll laugh and i'l never see him again.
If anyone has any advice how to overcome these thoughts i'd be over the moon! thanks smiler xoxox

helen

[Jan]

Hi Smiler

Dont be so hard on yourself and dont expect too much. I never went out with the intention of meeting someone, it just happended. That is the secret I guess. If we dont go looking it comes to us. Also when the right person comes along, you will feel naturally at ease. You will not feel the need to be on your guard or act. Well that was how it was with me personally. Mind you my husband had a flash car and I was taking the mickey out of him for it being dirty then I asked him if he would take me out for a ride in it. the rest just fell into place. Why shouldn't they see the real you what is so bad that you feel that they cant see it. I think its always best to be honest that way you will know if they are worth it and not just wanting a bit of slap and tickle.

Good luck and try to relax. I am sure you have alot to offer dont put yourself down. My husband was really shy too mind you you would not believe that now. Noone can have interesting conversation all the time. If you can sit with someone in silence and be comfortable then you know it is a good thing. If you feel the need to constantly talk and cant find anything to talk about and feel uncomfortable then its not right. Just go out have a good time and dont think in terms of meeting someone if it happens then wonderful and go with the flow.

Take care

Janine

[vernon]

hi, Be who you are and say what you want and think, you will be supprised how much people love honesty and being yourself. you would be supprised how many couples know each otheres weired thoughts and habits. tc. Vernon

[clickaway]

Helen,

Just be yourself, warts and all.

I have always been extremely shy when it comes to women, and I met my last partner through a mutual friend as she was in need of someone to speak to.

I was terrified as I had all these negative thoughts about myself, and like you, this included feelings of inadequacy.

On our first date, we were quite honest and admitted to our different geekinesses (I'm an aeroplane nut and she's a Star Trek nerd!)

I think that was the best way, as if you cover up the real you, its more likely to lead to heartbreak later on.

Take Care,

Ray



Don't wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you've got to make yourself.--Alice Walker

[kairen]

hi smiler,

just be yourself and relax, chances are the person you are with is just as nervous, as with everything it is just about time and getting to know someone, at that point you will be comfortable with that person and not worry if you say or do the wrong thing

take care and have fun looking LOL

kairen x

[sal]

Hi Helen

It isnt easy forming a relationship at the best of times and can be harder when suffering but just remember to be yourself as that is what you want the person to like you for. The more you get to know someone the easier it gets and you will start to relax more. Everyone is nervous when they first embark on a new relationship.

I am sure you have lots to offer people and people with offer you lots back.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[nomorepanic]

Alex knew me before I even started suffering but we ended up together when I was quite acute with panic attacks.

He loved me for what I was not what I suffered from.

People do see beyond the panic etc.

I am sure there is someone out there for you too.

Nicola

[sal]

Hi Helen

If it meant to be it will work and you will meet someone that accepts you for you and wants you for being you. Look how things worked out for Nic.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[rhowes2000]

Hi Smiler,

When I got together with my girlfriend I was suffering with anxiety but at that time I had no idea what was wrong with me. I didn't really mention it when we first got together I just hid my symptoms. I regret doing that and I should have been straight with her fromt he start. I was very lucky as she stuck with me and helped me get to the root of my problems and i ended up diagnosing myself with Anxiety because after countless visits to the doctors they had no idea what was going on! As other people have said before me, just be yourself dont go looking for it and the right person will come along. When they do you will certainly know about it., Good luck

Richard

[bluesparkle]

hi helen
i agree with everyone else... you just need to be yourself... and honest,
i have also taken on board what people have replyed to you thats why i felt i should say hi... i am a single 37yr old mum and sometimes feel that i will remain single for ever as no one will want to know the real me... my anxiety and ocd have been alot worse since i became single again last year but i am learning to be honest about it instead of hiding it away. i am actually feeling a bit stronger now but i do struggle very much with the relationship side as i do not want to stay single. i want someone special for me.
i am sure like most of us that you have alot to offer someone and they will give the same in return when you find that special someone...
well keep in touch this site is great and everyone is really friendly
rach

[smiler]

Thanks for all your replies! It really helps to know that i don't need to hide who i really am! even though i am trying to overcome it! it's just hard to know who you can open up to.

I know it will happen, i suppose its just daunting that you might find someone who will accept you and i never thought that would happen!

BUt i know it will! yeah and i look forward to it rather than wory!

thanks smiler xoxo

helen