HELP! Does anyone feel like they might act on thoughts!

[ajafarine]

Hello I am new here and was recently diagnosed with Post partum OCD - the thoughts I have involve me hurting my baby - It used to freak me out to the point where I couldnt eat, my doc put me on paxil and it helped calm me but now when I am close to my baby I have visions of me hurting her to the point where it feels like I am going to act on them! It scares me to think I may snap and lose control - I know these thoughts are not normal or else I wouldnt be on this site asking if anyone has ever had this - I dont even like to look at my baby cause I fear I'll get that feeling. Can anyone relate???

[Horse]

Absolutely.
It's all part of the 'what if' syndrome.
I used to be frightened of gong to sleep at night in case I hurt my wife without knowing it!
It would appear that these thoughts will affect us in relation to the people we love the most. In your case...your baby. The fact that you now find it even harder to look at your baby is just your anxiety snowballing!
Also, the fact that these thoughts repulse you is proof that you are normal. What would you do if your baby suddenly became ill? You would go to hospital or the doctor. You would not negelct it! Part of these obsessional thoughts is the fear that we will also carry them out.
Your baby needs you for support and is completely dependant on you. Remember these are just thoughts.

Kevin.

[Oceanblue]

Hi,

I feel that Post Natal Depression should be looked at separately from the thoughts of Anxiety, it is a also a completely different illness.

Post Natal Depression can be extremely serious for some women. I suffered with this after having my first child and although I didn't have quite the same thoughts as you, I know of many women that did and it's very common.
It is though, extremely rare for the woman to act on these thoughts, so try not to beat yourself up about it, it's more the case of the PND becoming more intense and can sometimes reach a stage of Puerperal Psychosis, which could be dangerous for yourself. One girl I knew became really quite ill with PND and her illness developed into PP, she needed to spend time in hospital for treatment. She's made a full recovery and now has two other little ones.

Only a doctor can access your needs, but I really do feel that you need to speak openly about this to him/her,.. your thoughts, feelings, everything, as they haven't yet subsided since you last spoke to them. They will be very understanding.

The last thing I want to do is to worry you more so, but I believe it's important for you to try and sort things out ASAP, as said PND can become worse in some cases. Your doctor will be very supportive, I promise you. You have nothing to fear.

Have you also tried any PND Sites? When I was suffering with this, I found some to be really helpful and so supportive. One site if I can remember is called Veritee's PNI Site, I found that this Site had more experience with the illness than any other.

www.pni.org.uk (http://www.pni.org.uk)

I hope this helps abit.
Good luck with everything, and wishing you well xxx:flowers:

[chalky]

Hi Ajafarine,

Welcome to the Forum.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

You will get loads of support and advice here.
A good chat with your Doctor may help put your mind at rest and help you find a way to tackle these problems.
Remember thoughts can be disturbing but they are not actions.
Best wishes,
Chalky

[summer2008]

I have been experiencing exactly the same thing, exactly as you describe it. I going to make an appointment with the doctor next week, but im afraid that the doctor will think im crazy and will want to take my baby away. I had the same thoughts with my 2 previous babies, they went away after a few months but while i was experiencing these thoughts i felt so terrified and didnt know who to talk to. Has anyone managed to control these thoughts without medication? Im really keen to avoid taking medication if possible

[EmmaJane]

Hi,

I can realate to this. I was thinking exactly the same thoughts a few months after my 3rd child was born. I was put on Prozac and had councilling. He is 13 this year and as they get older, you do want to start throttling them (lol only joking)

Seriously, yes I can relate to this and rememeber, you can change your thoughts, with some time, support and help.

Emma xx

[Bill]

I don't know much about PND because of course it's something I've never experienced but I can understand the anxious thoughts we get.

Whether it's a new baby, a new home or someone we hold dear, they are so precious to us that we feel extra responsibilty towards them so want to keep them safe.

We are so afraid of something happening to them that our minds dream up the worst case scenarios which in turn further fuels our fear of something happening to them forming a repetitive cycle. The fear becomes so intense that we feel we can't look or touch them, and the intrusive thoughts also prevent us from doing daily chores.

Like I say, I don't know much about PND but from the anxiety aspect, it's a case of reminding ourselves that they are only thoughts based on our fear because they're so precious to us.:hugs:

[ajafarine]

Hello Thank to everyone who replied and in response to Summer 2008 don't be afraid to talk to your doctor, YOU ARE NOT CRAZY! It's the OCD that makes us feel this way and Bill put it very well we are so worried about something terrible happening to our babies bcuz they are so helpless and rely on us that our minds make us think the worst possible things, funny enough this all started with me when a friend of mine's baby died of SIDS a few months back I was terrified this was going to happen to my daughter then the intrusive thoughts of ME hurtung her came - it was awful - my husband wants to have another baby and I am so scared even with all the therapy and meds I still have doubt in the back of my mind "what if I have post partum phsycosis"?? Even though I have been told over and over again I don't but that is part of the OCD, it makes you believe you are crazy or else why would you have such negative thoughts. The meds really helped me too I am on 40mg of Paxil and 2.5 of zyprexa, I don't think I could have gotten better without them but everyone is different. You are in my prayers.

[summer2008]

Thank you. I have been to the doctor, i broke down in tears when i told her about my thoughts. I have been refered for therepy and i am now taking beta blockers. Im feeling better now, starting to believe that I wont hurt my baby, that its simply anxiety causing me to have these thoughts. I have my good days and bad days. I have noticed that whenever im feeling very stressed or anxious the thoughts are more powerful and more frequent. Hopefully these thoughts will go away one day.

[Ma Larkin]

I felt compelled to reply to this because I too suffered from PND with my second child, to the point where I actually threatened to kill my husband! I was also put on beta blockers and anti-depressants, but it took a long time to get over it. I never had feelings of harm towards my baby, but was so tired and jittery, that I felt myself walking out of the room when she was crying for "no" reason if you like, and having to take deep breaths or scream outside! My neighbours must have thought I'd gone mad!

I then went through a period of depression where I wanted to throw myself under a lorry, so much so that I had to stay away from main roads to avoid them, and the first time I thought this was on my way to a counselling appointment!

I can laugh about it now, but the thoughts were so real at the time, and all I can say is that you will overcome these thoughts with time and a little help.

Take care and hope you start to feel a little better soon.

Les xx

[Pilgrim]

I am still Quite Young but...there have been Quite a Few Times when I have Seriously Thought that I was going 2 Act on My Thought so U r Definatly not Alone.

:hugs:

[Nikki1982]

I've worried that I'd act on my thoughts too, at the moment I can't sleep, I've been feeling a bit down which I posted in a post tonight.

[j-man]

hi there

i have pure obsessions to of a horrible sexual nature they feel so real i think im turning into a horrible monster i dont want to be.... so i can relate to wot ur saying .

try be strong ...

[milly jones]

they are irrational thought hunny and not real actions

i think its very common with anx, mine are about what id do to myself if.......

ive rarely acted on them, only when i was seriously ill after my breakdown, and was being constantly monitored by not being alone.

im much better now, but i still do get feelings esp at night when theres no one to chat to

please keep chatting to ur gp and gaining support

and continue posting on nmp too

love

milly xxx

[bab]

Hi There
I always worry about what if i act on my thoughts - can be anything from what if I hurt someone with kitchen knife to what if i go crazy and run out in road or something. I havent acted on them and its the people that are worried about the thoughts that dont carry them out xx

[Tom_M]

It might help to think up some happy thoughts and as soon as you get the negative thoughts, immediately replace them with the happy ones. At least it might take your mind off the thought that is causing you problems.

Tom