jojo2316
16-06-08, 10:39
My HA is driving me completely mad, and I wondered if anyone else is in as deep as me.
It all began 4 months ago, suddenly, 3 months after my second baby was born. Since then I have gone through panic, despair, depression and fear that I have cancer. Most days I truly believe I have one form of cancer or another. Today, for example, I have a vague ache in my flank and I am driven to distraction worrying about kidney cancer. I can't think about anything else. At all. I desperately want someone to rule it out for me, and the feel that if they could, I would be happy again. I am analysing the sensation, trying to interpret its origins and looking stuff up on the internet. I am, simply, obsessed.
And yet, the day before yesterday, I thought I had a brain tumour and the day before that I thought I had ovarian cancer and the day before THAT, it was bowel cancer. Each 'potential cancer' feels so, so real and so, so threatening, while the previous ones were of course imagination/innocent.
To an outside observer, like my mum, it is obvious there is nothing wrong with me, other than extreme hypochondria, yet I am blinded by my own fear. It is dominating my life at the moment and I am constantly, obsessively, checking for lumps and monitoring bodily sensations for sinister patterns.
I am also paying for more and more medical tests (my GP, who knows my problem, would not, quite rightly, refer me for NHS tests). So far I have had a breast ultrasound, an occult fecal blood test a complete Bupa health assessment and still I want more, more more! And all this from someone who hadn't visited a doctor in a decade before all this started.
So, tell me, is anyone else this nuts? And does it ever get better. Right now, I can't imagine my way out of this. I see it continuing until oneday I really do get cancer and then what a waste my life will have been.
If anyone wants to describe their own HA I'd love to hear about it.... xx
It all began 4 months ago, suddenly, 3 months after my second baby was born. Since then I have gone through panic, despair, depression and fear that I have cancer. Most days I truly believe I have one form of cancer or another. Today, for example, I have a vague ache in my flank and I am driven to distraction worrying about kidney cancer. I can't think about anything else. At all. I desperately want someone to rule it out for me, and the feel that if they could, I would be happy again. I am analysing the sensation, trying to interpret its origins and looking stuff up on the internet. I am, simply, obsessed.
And yet, the day before yesterday, I thought I had a brain tumour and the day before that I thought I had ovarian cancer and the day before THAT, it was bowel cancer. Each 'potential cancer' feels so, so real and so, so threatening, while the previous ones were of course imagination/innocent.
To an outside observer, like my mum, it is obvious there is nothing wrong with me, other than extreme hypochondria, yet I am blinded by my own fear. It is dominating my life at the moment and I am constantly, obsessively, checking for lumps and monitoring bodily sensations for sinister patterns.
I am also paying for more and more medical tests (my GP, who knows my problem, would not, quite rightly, refer me for NHS tests). So far I have had a breast ultrasound, an occult fecal blood test a complete Bupa health assessment and still I want more, more more! And all this from someone who hadn't visited a doctor in a decade before all this started.
So, tell me, is anyone else this nuts? And does it ever get better. Right now, I can't imagine my way out of this. I see it continuing until oneday I really do get cancer and then what a waste my life will have been.
If anyone wants to describe their own HA I'd love to hear about it.... xx