my girlfriend has depression, what can i do??

[Keep going]

Any advice greatly appreciated.

Stuart

[janeybaby25]

hi, what kind of depression? what does she say she feels like? i think you are a really nice boyfriend willing to get advice & help for her. I am sure my bloke thinks I am just making it all up!

pm

[janeybaby25]

pm me if you want to talk. take care. :)

[Keep going]

Hi, thanks for the reply. she hasnt been diagnosed with any that i know of. But i know the symptoms, as i had it for 3 months. shes being really negative about herself and how she should hang herself. the problem is we have a long distance relationship and she is under a lot of stress due to work study and close family illness.

Its really worrying me, not sure if i should have a chat with her mother? what do you think?

thanks Stuart

[chalky]

Hi Stuart,

Welcome to the Forum.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

You will get loads of support and advice here.
Congratulations on being so supportive-this should really help her recover.
Encourage your girlfriend to seek support from her Doctor,her family and this website.
Best wishes,
Chalky

[janeybaby25]

if you think speaking to her mum would help then I would definitly do it. I hope you manage to get her some help soon.

[milly jones]

i understand thst u say u have a long distance relationship, but this is what i would want as i am a sufferer

to be held close when i need it

to be left alone in peace and quiet when i need it

to be encouraged to complete simple tasks without pressure

to be supported with everyday things and ensured that i was loved and not alone

to be supported in medical trips to the hospital, doctors etc and when appropriate in the appointments to gain a greater understanding of the illness as a couple

to be spoilt occasionally with little suprises to raise my self esteem and feeling of worth

to be there to listen and not make judgements and get angry cos u cant undertand

to have the illness treated as an illness not as a weakness of character

but most of all NEVER TO BE TOLD TO PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER AND SNAP OUT OF IT

u are a lovely partner trying to support her

welcome to nmp

millyxxx

[Krakers]

Hi Stuart - well done for being supportive and for wanting to help your girlfriend through this tough time. I can only agree with everything that milly posted, and one thing in particular stood out as exceptionally relevant :



but most of all NEVER TO BE TOLD TO PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER AND SNAP OUT OF IT

millyxxx

When I told my family I was diagnosed with GAD and depression my fathers response was "to pull my socks up and stop being so soft", and my bothers response was "to sort myself out and get back to work".

If you know your gf's mother well, then you should be able to gauge the response you may get. However I would exercise caution before telling others when she hasn't even seen a doctor and it kind of sounds that you haven't had a true heart to heart about depression and how its affecting her.

It may be worth relating your previous experience first so she knows you understand and care. Her GP would also certainly be my first point of call and the more she can tell them the better they'll be able to help and advise.

Krakers.

[Krakers]

Her GP would also certainly be my first point of call and the more she can tell them the better they'll be able to help and advise.

Krakers.

Sorry, just need to clarify. Thats should read her GP would be her first point of call for herself. I'm in no way suggesting you contact him / her yourself. That I wouldn't consider a good idea.

Krakers.

[marie1974]

hiya if she is depressed then the docs is 1st thing to do and also talking is good and encouragement. i had bad depression 7 yrs ago and am free of it now but tablets helped me for a while then i decided to get better with out them and i started exercising everyday and it made me more motivated, positive, happier and lose weight too, i still do it now it keeps me positive. sometimes the closest people to her are not the best to try and help as my cbt counsellor says your partner is your partner not your therapist. i think she needs to talk to someone though who ever that may be and find out exactly wots triggered this, then she can start to repair herself. nhs counselling can take ages, private costs around 40 per session for cognitive behaviour therapy or other counselling, which is what i have, or there are charity based places like samaritons who are brilliant and they will talk to you or your gf and giv advice and where to go etc or MIND is onother one that offers counselling, but if u look up counselling on internet for her area you may find something for her. but let her know you are there for her whenever and listen when she wants to talk and try to encourage her to help herself too, sometimes people just want someone to listen to them. its nice she got a caring bf who wants to help so welldone you hugsxxxxx

[Keep going]

First thing, thank you you all for your kind words of advice :), will see how it goes.

Thanks Stu

[samc100]

The other thing is to keep in mind is that you can not 'cure' her.

I know this sounds selfish and mean but sadly you haven't the key to cure her issues and reasons for her depression. You can support her and she'll need that so much. You can be her logic when hers is not there and help her find her way to getting better.

But please do keep some focus on yourself as dealing with a loved one with depression is very very hard and you can lose yourself totally and then end up being no help.

I don't mean to sound harsh but do get help and advice and don't carry the weight of this on just your own shoulders.

Hope things get a little brighter for you and your girlfriend x

[allum123]

There always anti depressants but im not a fan of pills because it just temporarily masks what youre really feeling and can lead to more problems. I think everyone is capable of overcoming depression and I know its hard Ive been depressed and you totally dont have any ambitions. Show your girlfriend some sympathy, console her and get her to talk about whats bothering her, she needs to let it all out.

[cal46]

be there when she needs you and just help her when she needs you and dont give up and she will get there