My Brain Tumor Fear: The newest release in my brain of anxiety :)

[halfnormal]

For the Record i'm 26 years old and male

So I've always had a slight brian tumor fear. I remember two times distinctly. Once in college I was having night sweets and nightmares and also percieving that I was awake and stuck to my bed. However, I think my pot smoking and beer drinking and general college attitude got that away.

Two years ago I started to get dizzy and tingling. Went to the doctors and it turned out to be an ear infection.

Now that I'm engaged and happily in love with a great girl it seems like Health Anxiety is saying to me: "This is too good to be true"

Anyways here is my Brain tumor story:

I don't have one (I don't think). But I think I do. You guys understand that I'm sure :)

Symptoms:

Tingling sometimes

Twitching when I pay attention (nothing major)

Head "Pain" (not headaches) more like tension like someone is pressing their finger on the top of my head. Literraly the pain is from a spot here and there the size of a finger. Its not severe it lasts a few moments but scares me

Eye Issues: this is what really scares me. I am aware of floaters as well as seeing white blood cells. Since Brian tumors seem to be headaches WITH a symptom such as loss of sight/smell taste. I am focusing on the things that accompany the headaches. Lately I've been super aware of everything in my vision. It's funny though because If I don't pay attention to my vision everything is pretty normal. Its when I think about it that it becomes scary.

I've notcied floaters, moving blood cells, and black dots that seemingly are in my peripheral vision but then are gone when I go to look for them.

Of course none of these are the "Curtains" or Missing Peripheral vision but still they scare me.

Also, I have a sinus infection that has caused aches/pains in between my eyes and in my eyes when I move them.

I've noticed myself stumbling a bit more. But thats the thing. I haven't fallen over I just think I notice it more. When I jog or play sports I'm nimble like a cat GRRR. Also my house is tiny and requires turning corners alot.

Now I'm onto smelling things; Now I don't really think I'm smelling smoke or burning but because I heard thats a symptom I'm all about Sniffing the air for burning. When i do smell something it seems to be one of those "Is that burning? Maybe it is let me try again. Hmm not sure. Let me try again". I have noticed that my sense of smell is more aware right now and I'm smelling everything. Maybe because of the clearing up of sinus and the anxiety.

Unfortuantely all of this is adding up to a: What if I have a brian tumor.

I don't have: Headaches; Naseua, Vision Power Problems (I'm at least 20/20 probably better when I'm anxious!), Dizziness, Fatigue, Paralises, or major muscle tremors.

So why can't I get it off my brain! My Blood Test came back all normal and my doctor said "if you had cancer something would be off here." And then I went back for the sinus infection and said "can you check my eyes for pressure or problems." He did a check on my eyes and said "everything looks perfectly fine." I asked "If I had a tumor I'd know it correct" And he said "Many people with brian tumors have severe headaches in the morning or in the night and nasuea or vomitting"

Anyways why can't I believe them? I want an MRI but then again I don't as I know it will just reinforce my fears. My GF (Who works in the medical field) and my parents and my doctors are not worried. I think if I went in for an MRI they'd be like WTF you are wasting time / money. Plus I know the 2 weeks of anxiety are not worth it at all. I get married in under 2 months and I'm fearful that the added stress of an MRI will not only make me worse but also make it so that in two weeks I come up with another ailment.

Anyways! I've made a list of what my pains/symptoms are more likely to be at my age/physical well being:

Head pain: Stress/tension/TMJ/Sinus's (I have all of them I know that)
Eye Problems: Anxiety as I don't notice them when I dont' focus on them. Floaters
Twitching: Gone away mostly (Anxiety, stress, eye strain)
Eye Pain: Minor so probably sinus's/eye strain (8 hours of computer usage)
Stumbling: Me noticing every little bit of my gait lately. Tired legs from lots of exercise.


Anyways I wish I could just convince myself once and for all that I don't have a brain tumor without going in for an MRI. :(

Anyways vent over hopefully this helps someone and someone could help me :bighug1:

[bab]

Hi There

I am also thinking I have a brain tumour - my symptoms are head pain, floaters, ear and jaw pain, dizziness, forgetting things

im terrified

[halfnormal]

Hi There

I am also thinking I have a brain tumour - my symptoms are head pain, floaters, ear and jaw pain, dizziness, forgetting things

im terrified


Ear and jaw pain and dizziness could all be related. Forgetting things is something I find myself noticing only when I am worrying about forgetting things.

Headpain and jawpain are related as well.

[pigtailplaits]

I have this fear also. If you are anything like me, nobody and nothing will convice you otherwise. I had a CT scan 3 months ago, it made me happy for one day but the next morning i had developed other symptoms of 'cancer' which led to me having x-rays, endoscopy,further blood tests, smears etc. 3 months later i am back to square one - mind constantly occupied with thoughts of having a brain tumour. I feel my symptoms are worse now than they were then and i have also developed new symptoms which reinforce my fear further. Here are my symptoms - Head pressure, blurred vision, tension behind my eyes, nausea, pins and needles, tinnitus, body twitching, floaters, memory loss. My doc has refused a second ct scan so i am thinking of going private- dont know how much it will cost or how dangerous it is to have two close together. I dont feel like i have a stressful life but that is what my doc is putting it down to. The only symptom i am missing is the seizure which i am convinced will happen anyday. Feel guilty for feeling like this coz i have a wonderful partner, a wonderful baby daughter, nice house and car, good job and instead of appreciating all this lovely stuff i am moping around thinking my time is up

[Trixie]

You could have a MRI every week and you still wouldn't believe it if it came back clear. Please don't pay to have an MRI it is such a waste of your money. I wish you all could overcome this brain tumour thing, your lives are passing you by but you are not enjoying them because you are too busy worrying about brain tumours.

My friends grandson had one when he was thirteen he was treated and it was shrunk. He returned to school did his exams and went to uni. He is living his life to the full and doesn't think about his tumour. He has regular MRI's to keep an eye on it because it is still there and they want to make sure it hasn't grown. It cannot be removed by surgery because of its location.


Please forget about them they are ruining your lives.:hugs:

[halfnormal]

You could have a MRI every week and you still wouldn't believe it if it came back clear. Please don't pay to have an MRI it is such a waste of your money. I wish you all could overcome this brain tumour thing, your lives are passing you by but you are not enjoying them because you are too busy worrying about brain tumours.

My friends grandson had one when he was thirteen he was treated and it was shrunk. He returned to school did his exams and went to uni. He is living his life to the full and doesn't think about his tumour. He has regular MRI's to keep an eye on it because it is still there and they want to make sure it hasn't grown. It cannot be removed by surgery because of its location.


Please forget about them they are ruining your lives.:hugs:


Great point Trixie. And I don't mean this to be disrespectful to you but I worry much less about Benign Brain Tumors. Again they are super rare. But Cancerous Brain tumors are my thing.

Anyways my Mother had breast cancer and her re-scare has set me off. Talking to her she said "You know I always know it can come back. But I can't live my life like that. I want to have fun in life and worrying about dying of cancer is not something I'm putting myself through"

BTW my grandmother survived 11 cancer surgeries including Lymphoma at 35 in the 1950's. They chopped off her arm. She died at 87 :)

[bab]

ok am panicing now - halfnormal - do you mean my symptoms could be related to brain tumour?

[Kag27]

It is really nice to hear that I am not the only one who thinks this kind of stuff up. I too have convinced myself that I have some kind of tumor in my head. I have had a cat scan done last year some time in which came back negative. I still can not believe the results though for some reason cause A) I did not drink that chalky stuff before the actuall test so I am afraid they where not able to see every thing correctly and B) cause I get all these weird feeling in my head. I totaly understand what you are going through. Any sensation that I get in my head that seems to be the very first thing I think of. Not sure if this will help with your symptons or your thought process but visit this web site it may help you out. This might just all very well be related to anxiety and the over all fear that you have of getting a tumor or having one. Hope that this will help you out in some way or another. :)

http://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-symptoms.shtml

[Kag27]

It is really nice to hear that I am not the only one who thinks this kind of stuff up. I too have convinced myself that I have some kind of tumor in my head. I have had a cat scan done last year some time in which came back negative. I still can not believe the results though for some reason cause A) I did not drink that chalky stuff before the actuall test so I am afraid they where not able to see every thing correctly and B) cause I get all these weird feeling in my head. I totaly understand what you are going through. Any sensation that I get in my head that seems to be the very first thing I think of. Not sure if this will help with your symptons or your thought process but visit this web site it may help you out. This might just all very well be related to anxiety and the over all fear that you have of getting a tumor or having one. Hope that this will help you out in some way or another. :)

http://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-symptoms.shtml

[Liverbird67]

Hi All,

I went to see a CBT therapist today and explained my worries which are very similar to the symptoms you guys have posted on here, she gave me a huge leaflet on health anxiety I haven't had time to read it yet, but will let you all know how I get on with it and if it can offer any snippets of advice that may help us.

Lots of Love

Debbie
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[halfnormal]

ok am panicing now - halfnormal - do you mean my symptoms could be related to brain tumour?

No no no. Not at all. I mean those three symptoms relate to each other. Not to brain tumors.

[halfnormal]

Hi All,

I went to see a CBT therapist today and explained my worries which are very similar to the symptoms you guys have posted on here, she gave me a huge leaflet on health anxiety I haven't had time to read it yet, but will let you all know how I get on with it and if it can offer any snippets of advice that may help us.

Lots of Love

Debbie
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Nice! Looking forward to seeing it (or seeing it through you)

[bab]

Just curious - which country do you think understands HA the most and offers most support?

[Trixie]

Great point Trixie. And I don't mean this to be disrespectful to you but I worry much less about Benign Brain Tumors. Again they are super rare. But Cancerous Brain tumors are my thing.

Anyways my Mother had breast cancer and her re-scare has set me off. Talking to her she said "You know I always know it can come back. But I can't live my life like that. I want to have fun in life and worrying about dying of cancer is not something I'm putting myself through"

BTW my grandmother survived 11 cancer surgeries including Lymphoma at 35 in the 1950's. They chopped off her arm. She died at 87 :)


Menigomas tumours ARE cancerous and they do kill if they grow in the wrong place. Some that cannot be reached by the surgeon are treated with radiotherapy.

Sometimes this doesn't work and in this case the tumour grows until it is so big and presses so hard on the brain it kills the patient. Sometimes despite surgery the cancer grows again, there are even patients who have multiple meningiomas (one lady on a board I go on has had 13 at one time all different sizes and they cannot do any more surgery on her)

But anyone who knows me will tell you I don't dwell on it as worrying about it won't change the situation. I only mentioned it because I find it so upsetting that some members on this board are missing out on having a good time because they are worrying so much about brain tumours. I am my daughters carer and even if I felt like being miserable about it I can't for her sake as she has enough to put up with as it is.

We have had so much trauma in the last 10 years that she now suffers from OCD, agoraphobia, social paranoia depression anxiety etc she hasn't left the house in 5 years. Her father died 4 years ago of a heart attack so she only has me and her brother so I cannot give in to illnesses for her sake.

Anyway I follow my dad he had cancer of the lung and only ever complained about his sore knee.:D

[halfnormal]

Just curious - which country do you think understands HA the most and offers most support?

I have no clue whatsoever.

In the US we can pretty much make an APPT with a doctor whenever which is a double sided sword. Great for CBT and Psych but not so good as I'm always like "Why don't I just go get this check out." Although I know thats just reinforcing my illogical fears.

[clutterbug]

Hi halfnormal,

A fellow USAer! It seems that the UK doesn't stigmatize as much, what do you think?

I'm a former ER nurse if that's of any use...but, I know you know or at least are 99.99% sure that you don't have a brain tumor, and that doesn't help one lousy bit when you are caught up in the throes of HA. One thing I can address though is that you said you are getting married in two months. That in itself is enough to exacerbate any anxiety that you have. It's good stress, but, stress just the same. Your body doesn't know the difference.

Before I got married, which meant a move to another state and giving up a good job that I liked, I had pins and needles in my extremities including the top of my head. I thought for sure I had some sort of tumor or at least MS. Nothing could convince me otherwise. Eventually, after many doctor visits and trips to the ER, I finally had to admit that it was stress. It didn't go away right away either. It took awhile for things to settle down.

I'm not shrugging off your symptoms by any means, but, I can all but assure you that you don't have a brain tumor. It's stress. Good stress is called eustress. Marriage, job changes, moving, etc...all of that is good stress. Doesn't matter one bit to our bodies. Hang in there! Let your GF and family be your reassurance. They are right!

Best,
clutterbug :)

[halfnormal]

Hi halfnormal,

A fellow USAer! It seems that the UK doesn't stigmatize as much, what do you think?

I'm a former ER nurse if that's of any use...but, I know you know or at least are 99.99% sure that you don't have a brain tumor, and that doesn't help one lousy bit when you are caught up in the throes of HA. One thing I can address though is that you said you are getting married in two months. That in itself is enough to exacerbate any anxiety that you have. It's good stress, but, stress just the same. Your body doesn't know the difference.

Before I got married, which meant a move to another state and giving up a good job that I liked, I had pins and needles in my extremities including the top of my head. I thought for sure I had some sort of tumor or at least MS. Nothing could convince me otherwise. Eventually, after many doctor visits and trips to the ER, I finally had to admit that it was stress. It didn't go away right away either. It took awhile for things to settle down.

I'm not shrugging off your symptoms by any means, but, I can all but assure you that you don't have a brain tumor. It's stress. Good stress is called eustress. Marriage, job changes, moving, etc...all of that is good stress. Doesn't matter one bit to our bodies. Hang in there! Let your GF and family be your reassurance. They are right!

Best,
clutterbug :)

Thanks for the kind and reassuring words. Finally got back to my CBT today and he told me that all of my "Symptoms" are anxiety related even if I'm not having a panic attack.

He said "You have learned to control your panic but your anxiety is making OCD constantly check symptoms." "Instead of checking panic symptoms such as racing heart, sweating, choking, you are checking other symptoms."

Anyways the wedding thing. Yea I've been all over the place. I see what you mean about the good stress. I'm very excited about it now and the honeymoon in the carribean.

But yea my OCD/Health Anxiety says "Wow the wedding is going to be great but you'll have a brain tumor so don't get to exciting"

Although that doens't make me panic yes that does give me a bit of anxiety.

The worst thing might be minor symptoms turn into major ones! because of the focusing on the body.

You guys/gals know what I'm talking about. A twinge in your head or sinus pain suddenly turns into something horrible, a sparkly light turns into a neuro problem (even if it is its only an optical migraine), and a tension headache (minor as it might be) must mean your skull is expanding or something. Or focusing on my gait turns into a major problem for some reason. ugh

Today's session with my CBT guy was really good. I'm gonna take his 3 bits of advice he gave me today:

1. Make fun of your symptoms; OCD doesn't know what to do when you do that.

2. Don't focus on the body as much. Get out and do something when you do that. Stop testing yourself over and over again. If you wait for a funny flicker of light or an ache in your head you are going to notice it the second it happens!!

3. Say to yourself "I'll worry about this in a week" if its worse then I can worry

Anyways thanks much. I read a pretty good article that said "I'd rather have 1 year of non hypochondria, then 10 years of thinking I'm dying"

I agree :) Time to live life to the fullest. Be happy then you have no regrest whatever happens down the line.

[Cathy V]

Halfnormal hi, sorry but from what you have said in your posts i think you have a cancerous brain tumour...so sorry :weep:

Take care
cathy xxx

[Cathy V]

So, at this point you say to me "hey, no i dont...who do you think you are to say this to me?"

[Cathy V]

So then me and Trixie say to you "hey, happy rest of your life" move on from this ok?

[halfnormal]

So then me and Trixie say to you "hey, happy rest of your life" move on from this ok?

Ha you scared the crap out of me with that first post :). AHHH

Anyways I'm trying its a day by day thing

[Liverbird67]

I work in a big hospital and today I was walking past the neurological unit and this popped into my head

Just a little thought if all of us did for instance have the brain tumours/neurological disorders we all think we have, the neurological units would be the size of small cities and every second person whom didn't think they were ill would be a neurologist or at least a cleaner whom works there!

if any one offended I apologise, I am trying to rationalise my anxiety in a positive way and I am coming up with some theories that are absolutely bonkers!

Love to you all

Debbie
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

PS this still didn't stop me having a bloomin panic attack in work this pm though

[halfnormal]

I work in a big hospital and today I was walking past the neurological unit and this popped into my head

Just a little thought if all of us did for instance have the brain tumours/neurological disorders we all think we have, the neurological units would be the size of small cities and every second person whom didn't think they were ill would be a neurologist or at least a cleaner whom works there!

if any one offended I apologise, I am trying to rationalise my anxiety in a positive way and I am coming up with some theories that are absolutely bonkers!

Love to you all

Debbie
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

PS this still didn't stop me having a bloomin panic attack in work this pm though


Great point!!! Its tough though. I mean Anxiety/OCD hit's you in so many ways.

First its my vision, then tingles, then twitches, now I think I'm smelling things so I sniff the air until I think I smell something again. UGH. Luckily not alot of people sit by me or else they'd be like WTF is this dude doing! Why is he constantly sniffing the air!

[Claesand]

That's as classiscal anxiety as it gets... My vision freaks me out as well, myself I've been waiting to get optical neuritis the next second for 4 years :) Of course there is no reality to it, so I understand well that it's hard to do something about it.

[Trixie]

I work in a big hospital and today I was walking past the neurological unit and this popped into my head

Just a little thought if all of us did for instance have the brain tumours/neurological disorders we all think we have, the neurological units would be the size of small cities and every second person whom didn't think they were ill would be a neurologist or at least a cleaner whom works there!

if any one offended I apologise, I am trying to rationalise my anxiety in a positive way and I am coming up with some theories that are absolutely bonkers!

Love to you all

Debbie
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

PS this still didn't stop me having a bloomin panic attack in work this pm though


Having a brain tumour never entered my head, funny enough.

[berkshiregirl]

hi everyone
am also so glad to hear all your stories, this is also my fear has been for 11 years, i get head pressure and tense eyes constant dizziness and like you say when you home in on something and think about it you seem to make it worse.
i remember one particular day i was reading a book to my son and it felt like i couldnt speak properly to the point i had to stop and i sat and cryed my eyes out my anxiety completly took over me, i convinced myself there was something so seriously wrong, i just couldnt cope every headache is a tumor or a stroke, my legs go week and i feel like i am walking lopp sided is horrible.

anyway i went to see a cbt therapist and got all my gumph on health anx and was a really really interesting read on how to challenge your thoughts, has really helped me and i can rationalise with my thoughts alot more, is a hard struggle and i have days when i think i am gonna drop down dead any second, but has been 11 years and i am still here.

we all have to try and be strong and live our lives to the full because what would we do if we were to get a brain tumor we would have to cope.
xxxx

[Janieb]

we all have to try and be strong and live our lives to the full because what would we do if we were to get a brain tumor we would have to cope.
xxxx

Very true we would just cope, I guess sometimes it's a fact that never seems to want to entre our heads. What ever comes our way we can deal with it. My husband has a wonderful stress free take on life which I wish I could adobt. He just says worry about it if/when it happens. I like that but I just need to put it into practise...however I am slowly getting there :yesyes:

[berkshiregirl]

this is good take each day as it comes, if you have a bad day let it just be a bad day keep ourselves busy and keep challenging our thought we will get there in the end love to all xxxx

[Trixie]

hi everyone
am also so glad to hear all your stories, this is also my fear has been for 11 years, i get head pressure and tense eyes constant dizziness and like you say when you home in on something and think about it you seem to make it worse.
i remember one particular day i was reading a book to my son and it felt like i couldnt speak properly to the point i had to stop and i sat and cryed my eyes out my anxiety completly took over me, i convinced myself there was something so seriously wrong, i just couldnt cope every headache is a tumor or a stroke, my legs go week and i feel like i am walking lopp sided is horrible.

anyway i went to see a cbt therapist and got all my gumph on health anx and was a really really interesting read on how to challenge your thoughts, has really helped me and i can rationalise with my thoughts alot more, is a hard struggle and i have days when i think i am gonna drop down dead any second, but has been 11 years and i am still here.

we all have to try and be strong and live our lives to the full because what would we do if we were to get a brain tumor we would have to cope.
xxxx


You are correct about coping, I know someone whose teenage grandson was diagnosed as having one. He had treatment to shrink it and he is carrying on with his life (uni etc).

In December they told me that I had a brain tumour, mine is a meningioma and I am on the watch and wait programme.

To be honest I hardly think about it I am too busy with my writing (comedy) my art and being in extrovert self. I am waiting for the results of my 2nd MRI and although I don't think about it I know I will have butterflies when the envelope drops on the mat.:scared15:

I do worry awfully about my pets health and that is why I came on here in the first place.:weep:

[Vikkidz]

Guys, all the symptoms you are experiencing are classic symptoms of anxiety, it can affect your body in so many ways.

[Trixie]

Great point Trixie. And I don't mean this to be disrespectful to you but I worry much less about Benign Brain Tumors. Again they are super rare. But Cancerous Brain tumors are my thing.

Anyways my Mother had breast cancer and her re-scare has set me off. Talking to her she said "You know I always know it can come back. But I can't live my life like that. I want to have fun in life and worrying about dying of cancer is not something I'm putting myself through"

BTW my grandmother survived 11 cancer surgeries including Lymphoma at 35 in the 1950's. They chopped off her arm. She died at 87 :)
Trouble is with menigiomas they grow and press on the brain. Mine is about 2inch and touch wood I have had no problem. The first I will know is when I get paralysis on the right side. I am due to see the brain surgeon this Tuesday.

[aggiecuttler]

oh guys stop worrying only worry if there is something to worry about. i can tell you all my symptoms i had terrible headaches, vomitting, and i was stumbling around the pains in my head were never going and painkillers did not touch it, my personality also changed over time, mine was in frontal lobe, i had the tumour removed in feb this year, now on chemo tablets as i type waiting to take them, my scan since treatment shows the tumour gone but i have a small benign tumour left, so hoping it will go, its not an easy path i am on and i have days when i worry but i do try and say worry if there is something to actually worry about, everyday we take chances going out in the car, crossing the road, and many other things but we dont think that it will be the last thing we do, if you honestly are concerned about brain tumours i would say get a scan, for peice of mind, if any of you want to pm me with questions etc please do blessings

[Jimmy28]

Thanks for sharing your story. I have the exact same symptoms, especially the head pains (NOT headaches, just like you said). So, do not worry about them at all. I did a CT scan of my head and the results were normal. Those types of pains are just anxiety. Accept that and be happy :)