Hope in our hearts

[Lolly25]

Every morning I wake up with fear in my heart. I want to run away,
hope that i will merge into the background and that things will pass over me unnoticed.
Nothing can hurt me if I was a picture on the wall

I could go on pretending that everything was ok, because if i admit it isn't I am a Failure.
I have been failing myself for years. I'm sorry me. I should have looked after you first but i didn't know how,

I was too scared, too proud, too guilty,
When I was a child I trusted. I trusted people and I trusted God
I felt so let down, so humiliated and ashamed. I felt gutted, gutted like a fish.
Why did you let me down? What did I do wrong? Tell me and ill fix it.

You didn't tell me, because I couldn't ask, because I was a child and it hurt.
I've spent all these years, trying to be perfect for you, for your approval
Now I hate myself more than I hate you, I have hurt myself more than you hurt me

How do I fix this now? I cant keep avoiding things in case they go wrong, or in case I wont be good enough

The days i give in, and go into myself,
I hide in the shadow of my pain and it reinforces my feelings of doubt and lack of self belief
I used to think that If I could control those around me and how they behaved then nothing bad could happen
If I decide when things go wrong, because they always do, then at least I was in control

The days i have the courage to wear my skin and be part of the world make me stronger,
even a little proud. These are the days that reinforce the person i know i can be.

Today I feel tired, so tired and so sad, but that's ok
Today I choose to do the best I can
I will be perfect in my own way
I will be good enough in my eyes
I will change me, in my own time, for me
I will smile through my tears because I am no longer a slave
I will set myself free
For me

[The Fool]

wow thats an awesome song! did you write it?

[popsy]

:bighug1: xxxx

I can relate to all of that, im stting hear with a tear in my eye....

Thank you xxx :hugs:

[Cathy V]

The days i have the courage to wear my skin and be part of the world make me stronger,
even a little proud. These are the days that reinforce the person i know i can be.

Today I choose to do the best I can
I will be perfect in my own way
I will be good enough in my eyes
I will change me, in my own time, for me
I will smile through my tears because I am no longer a slave
I will set myself free
For me


Brilliant, and this is all you need to set yourself free.
Cathy xxx :)

[milly jones]

aw lol u made me cry

what lovely words hun

milly xxx

[Lolly25]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your replies, I didnt plan on it being a song but i guess it came out that way, having an extremley emotional few days (PMT i think) and it just kind of poured out, does anyone else feel that they do have a glimmer of hope but sometimes feel sad that we have to go through this? I know its not good to think 'why me?' but sometimes i do, i just want to wake up ok,

This site helps me so much, thank you!

[Hope 2]

Hi Lolly

Amazing post.
The part Cathy quoted put into words a place I am in now :scared15: emotional but in a good way !

The title caught my eye cos of the word hope. You asked about others thoughts, well I have held on to even the tiniest shred of hope as I was scared of the consequences of feeling without any. Hence the username hope 2..... get better :blush: . Ironically this all ties in with your 'keep swimming signature' . After several years of head mashing probs, a short while ago, I lost ALL hope and all I could think was

"Should I sink or should I swim ?"

I was at rock bottom. Thought I had been there several times, boy was I wrong.

So......I decided to swim. Dont know why but I did. I have learnt a great deal about myself.

I like me.

Only taken 36 years. Better late than never.

Will cherish your words and keep them handy in my head.
Thank you so very much.
Wishing u the very best.
Love Hope xx

[Hope 2]

Although that was mostly about me :blush: ...... I was trying to get across that I feel we all are unique but can recover. Our time will come, we can. It's unfortunately a matter of when ? But it will.

xx

[Lolly25]

Thanks Hope,

Cheesey to say but your words really have given me hope! I know I just have to keep trying and i will get there eventually, we all will!

xxx

[jesse08]

Great post Lolly. I mean great in the sense that it is really quite thought provoking and touching. Thank You.