Dont know what to do

[loulou]

Hi i just wanted some advice really the thing is my mum is a alcholic not your sterotypical alcholic but she has a problem and cant go a day without drink she has recently started a new job in which she is unable to drink during the day where as she used to drink all day long in her other job as drink was available, so i know she has cut down a lot but she recently had a well women medical and the results have just comw bcak saying that there is some abnormality with her liver caused by her high intake of alcohol it has stated that it can be reversable if she cuts her intake down to 14 units per week instead of her usual 30 units (what she told them she drinks but its a lot higher) and the thing is i'm really worried cause today she has been of work and she has had a pint of larger a galss of red wine and about 5 vodka and redbulls and this is her cutting down if i say anything to her she gets offensive and i dont know how to deal with this i love her and am really worried about her cause i dont want to have to visit her on her death bed because she has cyrosis ir some horrible disease caused by alchol. My dad has soken to hr and told her she must cut down but he is in a hard situation too as she will go back to hiding it like she did before and my dad is of the opinion that if he knows what she is drinking its easier to control than if shes hiding it. Dont get me worng she is a good mum and can fuction proapaly people wouldnt even know she had a problem she not like a alcholic like u see on tv but shes my mum and its hard to admit that she has a problem its really worrying me and making me feel depresses

Lisa

[Sarah-Jane]

Hi Loulou

My mum is the same so i completely know what your going through ive tried many times to help my mum but the reality of alcoholism is that until the person who drinks admits to having a problem and they WANT to stop drinking, unfortunately the likely hood is that they wont stop. There is a lot of help out there to help your mum but the professionals will NOT go to your mum your mum has to go to them and really really want help. I know how hard it is for you i really do and hugs to you. The good thing is that if your mum wants help then things can get sorted for her. Although you are worried about your mum you MUST take time out for you as in time this will really get you down too and you dont need that. I am 30 now and i have 3 kids and its taken me this long to understand that my mum has to want to stop because no matter how hard i try to get through to my mum its not working. So now i dont speak to my mum and dont see her as i dont want my kids to see my mum in the alcoholic state so my main priorty (cruel as it may seem from my mums point of view) is that me my husband and my kids are the priority. I really hope your mum sees sense and gets the help she obviously needs, message here anytime and ill be to give you some moral support in YOUR time of need.

Love & Hugs from Sarah-Jane xxxx

[nomorepanic]

Hi Lisa

I can really feel for you as my dad was an alcoholic and it killed him in the end. I am not saying that your mum is going to die - I don't want to shock you - but I do understand how you feel.

The thing is that you can't help them - they have to want to do it. When he died we were all racked with guilt about what we could/should have done but my mum called the AA to talk about it and they were very kind and said that there was nothing we could have done. He chose his own way of life and he decided what to do and we were not to blame.

We tried everything but he wouldn't accept any help. I don't know whether your mum would even consider going to AA or someone else for help with this? There are so many other support groups out there now as well.

He was a secret drinker and it was so sad that even after he died we found empty bottles all over the bedroom. At least your dad is watching your mum and monitoring her drinking so good on him.

I don't know whether you can sit down with her and tell her how it effects you all and that you don't want to see her get worse and drink her life away. She needs support but it is not going to be easy for any of you so you all need to be strong - especially her.

My thoughts are with you and sorry if this was a bit depressing reply but I just thought it may help to know that I really do know how you feel and I am here if you want to talk ok.

Please try not to let it get to you - I know that is easier said that done and I feel tearful even writing this cos it had a profound effect on me and I just don't want you to feel that hurt too. You must tell her how you feel cos I never told my dad and he never really knew how much it effected me.

Sorry if this was a bit deep.

Nicola

[vernon]

Hi Lou. Its a hard problem and only your mum can solve it really I was the same for over 40 years real heavy daily drinking and before I stopped my liver function test was way high and cutting down drink didn’t drop it at all. Well it worried me like it probs worries your mum, so I stopped drinking fully: it wasn’t easy as it sent my anxiety real high for months. I have stopped drinking now for 18 months and my liver test has gone back to normal, I am very lucky I think lots of people don’t last as long as I did with alcohol abuse. I also was like your Mum none knew I had this real drinking problem only my close family. The drink gave me courage, which I needed, with anxiety to go out and do things and seem normal. Its been 18 months now since I last had a drink and at last I am really glad I stopped drink and faced my problems. Really I suppose it wasn’t as hard to stop when you think its stop drink or properly die. The signs I got when the liver was getting to bad was, I was getting drunk on very little amounts of alcohol as my liver was unable the filter properly. I never ever thought I could possibly go to bed without a drink, but was surprised to find after a while I did get used to it. I don’t think it is possible for heavy or addicted drinkers to cut down it has to be stop because drinking small amounts will only aggravate and make them want more. I think your Mum proberly wants to stop but don’t really know where to start. It would be a good Idea for you and your dad to tell her how much you love her and even get some medication from the doctor to help her over the first few weeks of stopping drinking. Tell her it really can be done, as I know lots of people including myself have stopped after many years of heavy drinking. You could even show here this post and as I say I am really happy and glad I stopped now but it does take time. Take care. Vernon

[sal]

Hi Lou

I totally appreciate what you are saying and if down to you you would stop it straight away. But it is your mum and only she can decide when enough is enough. You and your dad sound to be doing a great job to help her, but until she wants to admit it to herself before even admitting it to you there isnt much more you can do.

It takes over lifes and until that person can see that, we can only support and hope that they do one day see how much harm they are doing to themselves.

Here to support you and think you are doing your mum very proud.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[Meg]

Loulou,

People drink for different reasons .

Will she talk about what it is shes drinking to hide, avoid etc . Sometimes if she can see an solution to the reasons behind it like panic it makes it a more viable option.

AA do a great support for families too so you and Dad might want to go and see them at some stage.

It is very hard for an alcoholic to cut down - its all or nothing for most of them and as Vern says from experience its a very hard road to tread.

Its good that in this job she may be unable to drink as much - it may help her reduce.


I wish you all the very best



Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[loulou]

Hi All,

Thank you for taking the time out to reply and thank you for letting me know that you are here if i need some support. I tried to talk to my mum about it this morning and she just said that she knows what shes got to do and she doesnt need me on her back as well so i left it at that hopefully she will have a think and try to get help.

Thanks again for your replys

Lisa

[sal]

Hi Lisa

As long as she knows you support her there isnt much more you can do. She has to ask for the help and i really hope she does soon and she knows you will be there to help her through it.

Take care.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.