View Full Version : Honeymoon
Hello everyone,
I am getting married in July and have to book our honeymoon. I've been putting it off for a year and now we're getting close, I need to sort something out. My fiancee would like to go abroad but I haven't been abroad for 9 years due to agoraphobia. She understands and is happy to go away in the UK but I feel I'm letting both her and me down by doing this. I'm trying real hard to overcome this- I got the train home from Guildford to Littlehampton changing twice and had panicky thoughts whilst on the train wanting to get off which is normal when I feel trapped/not in control.
I'm working myself into a frenzy every night on the internet looking a hotel reviews, flight duration asking myself 'what if I panic?' 'how can I get home if I need to?'
I want to test myself by going on the Eurotunnel at the weekend - being stuck in a steel cage for 35 mins will enable me to experience panic and see if I'm ready for a flight. Unfortunately, it's both the flight and being away from home that I'm worried about. I was going to go to Eurodisney by Eurostar but that seems too big a challenge.
I don't want to regret my decision I make and it's weighing me down big time.
Please help!
Tommy
Firstly take a step back and remember why she is marrying you, she isnt doing it just for a honeymoon and if you are not up to travelling abroad yet you have years ahead of you. She loves and wants to be with you because of the person you are and she is quite happy to spend time with you in this country. Do what makes you both happy and remember it is a time to be just the two of you and relax and if you are not ready for going abroad that time will come. She understands and that in itself is a great start to a whole new beginning.
Best of luck.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Tommy,
I understand my Panic attacks started on my honeymoon 3yrs ago but I got through it I don't know how now. I just wanted to come home so badly.
As Sal said she loves you for you and understands. Don't worry if you don't feel ready for going away your not letting anyone down she wouldn't want you to sufffer!
I know how you feel about being in control and feeling trapped I am exactly the same i hate it when i can't get out of a situation! I went to Canada last year and spent 3 days travelling on a train! Now normally I don't mind trains it was the thought of not being able to get off that freaked me out! Like you i hate being trapped! I sat through it though and survived even after countless number of panic attacks it was so hard though i'm glad I done it now.
I hope you manage to do the Eurotunnel don't worry if not. Perhaps just go to a hotel for a couple of days not far away so you know you can get home if needs be!
Good Luck with what you decide!
Take care,
Love PIP'S X
Hi tommy and welcome. Remember Tommy the panic isnt abroad or on the tunnel Its inside you. No ,atter where you go its there. I dont have agrophobia as bad as I did but still cant go far and I keep in mind Its me not the place. If i go anywhere I imagine the hotel room where we are etc is my home and safe place to run to if realy need be. Try thinking where you are based is your safe place, and also do some affermation cards for yourself with posative sugestions. It works a little for me. Hope you sort out your problem Vernon
Tommy,
Im getting married this year too,and have alot of the same fears that you have.Although mine tend to be about panicking on the wedding day itself!If you really want to try and go abroad(and it sounds like your new wife will be happy to just be with you!!),then why dont you try somewhere like Paris and just go for the weekend.Very short flight,and a weekend is bearable even if you are really anxious.(at least I find that ).Try and focus on the progress you are making,and what you are doing rather than what you cant(dont feel able to)do.Getting hitched is one of the most stressful things you can do,so congratulate yourself on your bravery in doing that.Good luck. xx
Tommy
It's time to make deals and compromises.
What is really important to your fiancee for your honeymoon apart from being with you ?
Is she desperately wanting a beach holiday to go for 2 weeks etc.. or is there room for negotiation ?
When I started travelling again after a few years of pointblankly refusing to go anywhere, having been a life long solo backpacker
I agreed to go somewhere where on these conditions:
There was at least one flight back every day,
That my partner agreed not go wandering off out of my sight
That we kept busy not just lying by the beach - too much time for thoughts
That I kept all the travel documents
That if I did panic under no circumstances was anyone else to know.
I was not to be left alone in hospital if it came to that.
That we went somewhere I could speak the language - not hard as I speak most of the Mediterranean languages plus Arabic
That I was happy with the medical care.
We progressed from Switzerland to Tunisia through Paris and Geneva and Italy and onto long haul and now it is no longer an issue at all and I just smiled when it dawned on me that our last destination had just one flight a week to the UK.
Decide what is really vital to her and what you're both prepared to compromise on.
Be prepared to spend the next 3 months really trying to improve yourself. You both deserve it.
Vernon is spot on - you take your thoughts with you- panic has nothing to do with where you are and everything to do with how you're talking to yourself.
Thoughts : Lets try to keep our thoughts in perspective (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=283)
More thoughts : Mind Games (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1789)
Thoughts: obsessive thoughts & anxiety (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3096)
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Hi Tommy and congratulations on your upcoming wedding. As everyone has said your partner knows and loves you the way you are, if you don't want a honeymoon abroad, then as suggested, compromise. If you feel up to it however, i am the same with flying and being away from home, but for the last 4 years have managed a family holiday to Minorca, i did survive the flight (there's lots of good info. on this site) and when i got to our apartments, i decided to make that my safe place, and it worked, yes i did still have panic on holls. but i would have had them at home, it made no difference where i was, no-body knew me, i didn't make a fool of myself, just made my way back to my temporary home very discreetly and i promise that hardly happened at all. Don't feel pressured, guilty or any of those things, the most important thing is that you are both happy. take care and keep in touch.
nomorepanic
19-04-05, 16:57
Hi Tommy
I have similar issues about travelling away but I am NOT getting married this year so I have no added stress of that.
What I am doing is going on a cruise in 2 weeks time to see if I can handle boats! I am going to pretend that it is a floating hotel and transfer my safe place from here to there.
Vern's summary was spot on - it is you that panic's not the situation or the place and you can transfer that safe zone to a hotel somewhere.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Nicola
Hi Tommy
Whatever you decide you will be together and having time out to celebrate your wedding so dont add pressure by putting yourself through more than you can handle. Happiest time of your life and i am sure your future wife wants you to be together and happy regardless of the destination.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement. I've decided not to do the Eurotunnel just yet but I'm going to go to a Premiership game next Saturday in London. Last time I left early to get the tube but this time I'm determined to stay til the end! I'll keep you posted with events...
Tommy
Good luck at the game Tommy!! Let us know how you get on..:D
Hi Tommy,
good to hear that things are ok at present, what premiership game are you going to, i'm in central london, and we are all avid arsenal supporters here.....don't let me down Tommy.....lol....keep in touch mate.
Hello everyone! Wanted to give you all an update - it's been nearly a month since my last posting and the wedding is getting nearer!
Firstly, I'm delighted to say I went to a football match - Fulham v Everton.My main plan was to stay til the end and not leave early to get away from the crowds and I did! I found the journey up quite hard on the train and experienced some anxiety on the way but once I got up to London the excitement was building and took my mind off of it. Strange, I was expecting to feel anxious but I didn't! Next time I will try to go to Highbury to watch my team but getting tickets is tough!
I then went for a 1 night break to Southampton, 45miles from home as a test. Instead of driving, I took the bus and a coach, a journey of 3 1/4hrs! (Car usually takes 45mins!) I wanted to go this way to test myself without my car. I found it difficult to sleep as all I was thinking about was how I can get home. Why do I need to get home? I really can't work it out as the hotel is just as safe. Once I took a diazepam, I went to sleep which really helped. I'm not a fan of meds but I have them more for comfort. Pleased I did it tho'.
Finally, last weekend I went away with my friends for a golf trip.One of my friends drove. I went through a real tough time deciding whether to take my car or not but in the end I wouldn't gain anything by doing that. I was worried that I would feel the same in the evening as I did in Southampton but I was actually ok, a few twinges of anxiety but not as much as I thought.
Achieving goals you set yourself gives me such a buzz - I've written a list of achievements and everytime I have a setback, I refer back to see how far I've come and remind myself of how I felt after I did it.
I havent booked up my honeymoon just yet but by doing these tasks recently has helped give me strength to consider it seriously.
Sometimes you have to have a bit of faith in yourself and some courage to try even if it seems really hard. I'm getting there- it's not easy especially as I've had this for 14 years - but I'm not going to let the setbacks beat me!
Thanks for reading - keep you posted with the wedding plans... Tommy xx
Hi Tommy,
Reading your post made me feel good. You have worked so hard and done so well, keep at it mate, and regarding footie, if ever you get to highbury to watch Arsenal, i live appx 10 mins away, maybe you could let me know and i could give you a guided tour or maybe just a cup of tea!
Tommy it was lovely to read your post. You have done very well, keep taking those steps.
I dont like being to far from home or out of control either. Had a crown done today, which I had put of for nearly a year. Cancelled 3 appointments.
Doesnt it make you feel good? We should both be pleased with ourselves.
I like the idea of writing your achievements down, I didnt think of that[Duh!]
Well done.
Feel free to PM me, if you want to talk.
Emma xx
Keep focused, keep positive.
Well done Tommy. Some great achievements.
The hard work and perseverence you are putting in will enable you to overcome these issues.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Superb Tommy,
You've done really well indeed. Congratulations
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Hello everyone! Here's an update from me.....
Well, I got married 3 weeks ago, had a fantastic time, got so anxious at one stage in the church I thought I was going to run out but I was ok.
The honeymoon....We went to Center Parcs for 4 nights which was fine and the 2nd week went to Paris. I was thrilled as it's the first time I've been abroad for 9 years due to my agoraphobia. I contacted the airline first to say I was a nervous flyer and they were great, gave me the seats I wanted and it took a load off of my mind because of it. I realise now that there is some anxiety to start with but it does go down after a while. The main fear is of panicking, not necessarily what you are doing. And the feeling of success is so much sweeter because of my condition. I took diazepam to keep me calm and had a panic pack with goodies in such as cue cards with affirmation statements on & a magazine.
I know it is a cliche but I never thought I would go abroad again but you can do it! Accept there will be anxiety but it does go down, it's impossible for it to keep going. For the first time in absolutely ages, I'm looking forward not accepting my condition is permanent.
I hope this helps some of you, feel free to pm me if you need advice!
Cheers
Tommy
pinkscrumpy
28-07-05, 01:25
weldone tommy
a big pat on the back for you
and CONGRATULATIONS
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MANDIE XX
[B)]Hi Tommy,
I am so happy for you both, so glad everything went so well for you. Keep at it and please keep in touch xxx
nomorepanic
28-07-05, 19:50
Well done Tommy
So pleased it all went well and thanks for updating us on it.
Nicola
"Nearly all happiness comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open"
Well done Tommy and a happy married life to you
Feel free to PM me, if you want to talk.
Emma xx
Keep focused, keep positive.
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