Having the worst day

[Zingara]

Hi,
I just feel so awful I can't stop crying...everything is going wrong again. I've been in a state of really bad anxiety all day because of a really big unexplained bruise on my leg, which I've already posted about on Health Anxiety. I can't stop worrying that it's leukaemia. Then this afternoon I went into work and one of the clerks suddenly had a go at me (I haven't even seen him for four months, but he's heard about all my problems) saying 'You're wallowing in self-pity' and 'pull yourself up by your bootstraps, life's passing you by.' I know I should have said something but I was nearly in tears and had to go out and try to calm down.
Then after that I went to my mum's and I was telling her about the bruise and that I was scared of leukaemia. She then got angry with me and said she was sick of my constant anxiety and that I put all my worries onto her and she can't cope with it. She is going away this weekend and now I feel really bad that I've spoiled it for her. My boyfriend is annoyed with me as well. I feel terrible as well as really worried about the bruise. I tried so hard to get into work as well, only to have my confidence knocked yet again, I don't know why I bother. It's all just too hard, all of it.

[milly jones]

aww samira hugs

as soon as the world realises that u have an illness cant come soon enough for me and others suffers.

you (prob) havent got leukaemia (im not a doc so cant completely rule it out), uve got anxiety about your health hun. ur family need to realise this.

as to the bloke in work

i get so angry about the pull urself together brigade. if they had an illness they would expect empathy and understanding.

what u have to do samira is continue your journey hun, stay strong and believe in yourself. come to nmp to ask qns and gain support.

ppl like the bloke in work are not even worth bothering about. i had a mother in law like that and consequently have not visited her for the last 2 years, her loss not mine.

hope i helped a little hun

mill xx

[Anna C]

Hi Samira,

I'm sorry you're having a bad day, mine hasn't been that great today either.
If you're worried you should check with your doctor to put your mind at rest.
I don't suffer with health anxiety, so I can't really relate to how bad this is for you. Although I do know how anxious I feel when I worry about something. I remember watching a programme about people with HA and all they wanted all the time was reassurance. When they received it from their doctor they would be back with new symptoms before long.

I worry all the time what people think and it is hard to ignore insensitive people but try, do you think he'll be sitting at home worrying because he upset you.He's not worth it, forget him.

I'm sure your family love you very much but they haven't got a clue what you're going through I find people on here understand better than anyone.

Also have you thought of trying CBT, please think about it from what I have read it can really help,I haven't but will try to go to the doctors this week to ask about it.
I hope you feel more relaxed and happier soon.
Take care Anna

[Zingara]

Hi,
Thank you both so much for your lovely kind replies, they really helped me last night when I was feeling so awful. I'll let you know how things go (my blood test results come back on Monday :scared15: ) Thank you so much for being such lovely people, this site is brilliant and so are you two. :) xx