First post. Worry ruining life.

[Wicker Man]

Hi Everybody,
I have read posts on the forum many times but this is my first post.
I have just wasted the first part of the year worrying that I had melanoma (the mole was removed and found to be OK) and now I am convinced that I have lymphoma. I have had a palpable lymph node in my neck for a long time, but as a result of an anxiety attack, had that choking sensation and prodded and poked my neck till it was red and sore, thinking it was a lump causing the sensation, anyway the next day a small lump has appeared in my sternal notch. My wife ( who is a doctor !!!!) says it is more than likely caused by my poking. I have no other symptoms ie weight loss or sweats etc but still am convinced i have cancer.
My worry and depression is all consuming I don`t want to leave the house, just sleep, unfortunately my main activity (beside child care) was martial arts and the gym, but the site of my mole excision was my ankle and the scar has split so I cannot go training.
I was a para-medic for 18 years but had a emotional break down after being involved in the murder of a child. Since then I have become a hypochondriac and had bouts of depression, I also worry obsessively about the health and welfare of my children.
I have just started (two days ago) on Citalopram 20mg and am suffering from increased anxiety, and other side effects in the mornings I hope these will soon wear off.
My marriage is OK, but believe me it makes thing worse being married to a doctor.
I have had enough of spending my days lying on the settee feeling sick with worry and trying to feel for new lumps or symptoms.
I have tried counselling but I am don`t communicate well with strangers and was horrified at the cost !
Any suggestions to help me climb off rock bottom would be appreciated.
Chris.

[marie1974]

hiya first of all welcome and you will get some great help and support here, there is a good site u should look at called moodgym its like cbt but its free and you do it as and when u want, there is another one too but cant think of it. after a breakdown and what u must have gone through its no wonder u feel this way and to be honest i think talking is the best therapy no matter who its too or writing it down like u doing now. also if u spend your days worrying and laying down then this makes things 10times worse cos you have too much thinking time so mayb u could try keeping alittle busy or even some charity work cos u can meet some lovely people and it may help u to start recovering, anyway i will shut up hehe and keep posting and we will do our best to help u xxxx

[Neville Mundy]

Hi Wicker Man.

Sorry to hear that you're not feeling too good at the moment. I suspect that the side-effects of the medication will wear off in the very near future, so stick with it.

I sometimes prescribe 'homework' assignments for my clients between hypnotherapy sessions and, if I may be so bold, I would like to do the same with you. Obviously, it's upto you whether you take the task on and complete it, but I'd urge you to go for it, as I've never had a client who's not benefited.

What I'd like you to do, is go on a day/weekend's climbing course. Outside would be best, although a climbing wall would be better than not at all.

Best wishes,

Neville.

[Wicker Man]

Hi Wicker Man.

Sorry to hear that you're not feeling too good at the moment. I suspect that the side-effects of the medication will wear off in the very near future, so stick with it.

I sometimes prescribe 'homework' assignments for my clients between hypnotherapy sessions and, if I may be so bold, I would like to do the same with you. Obviously, it's upto you whether you take the task on and complete it, but I'd urge you to go for it, as I've never had a client who's not benefited.

What I'd like you to do, is go on a day/weekend's climbing course. Outside would be best, although a climbing wall would be better than not at all.

Best wishes,

Neville.
Thanks for the tip Neville, but my ankle injury is stopping any physical activity. I tore the suture line on a two inch wound and it just won`t heal.

[Neville Mundy]

Oops, sorry. That'll teach me to read things thoroughly in future.

[never2late]

I was a para-medic for 18 years but had a emotional break down after being involved in the murder of a child.

I truly feel for you, Chris.

[milly jones]

welcome to nmp wicker man

hope that the website and forum will give u some peace

please try to look forward

have u tried cbt to control ur fears

there are 2 websites if ud prefer to go it alone

livinglifetothefull.co.uk

and

moodgym.co.uk

milly xxxx :blush:

[Wicker Man]

I know Google is usually our enemy, but this afternoon it helped. I Looked up lymphoma lymph nodes in Google images, and got a lot of pictures of people with golfball size lumps. Mine are only 1 cm or so. maybe it isn`t Lymphoma !
Made me feel a bit better anyway.
Chris.

[polly123]

Hiya
First of all wicker man you musnt google, it the worse thing you can do mate,this may not be of any use to you, but when im feeling bad be it my health anx or just anx, i pick up a good book and just sit and read, i find it really helps when you get stuck into a good story, another thing i find helpfull is baking cakes lol yes i know it sounds funny, but give it a go, what have you got to loose? chin up mate and take care
POLLY

[EmmaJane]

Hi Wicker Man,

Welcome to the site. I to have the same fear as you lumps and cancer. Been through it the last few days myself.

Its not very nice and hard for other people to understand. Hopefully your tablets should start kicking in shortly, which will in turn then help you see reason.

I am also not to good face to face with people as such, but have just had my 2nd session of CBT. Is there not a CPN nurse that you can see, who does CBT. Some take on patients free of charge.

Have a good look at this site, it has a lot of information on it, which may help.

Googling, is my worst enemy and something I turn to alot. ( usually, ending up planning my funeral )

Try not to do it, as it just may not pay off in the end.

Take Care

Emma xx

PS. You did a very worthwhile job for 18 years. My daughter is wanting to be a paramedic, she has just finished her first year of AS Levels!!

[randomworry]

hi mate

sorry to here you are feeling this way- i too recently was having depression and not wanting to do anything even if my sister tried to make me laugh i just stared blankly.

go to the gp and get reffered to cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) it will teach you methods to manage the problem

all the best