View Full Version : scared - first day of work tomorrow!
hiya..
after being off work and uni for 2 months with anxiety followed by depression and a switch of meds from prozac to efexor, I am going for my first day at work tomorrow!!
I haven't interacted with people for so long I think i've forgotton how to! luckily its a boring temp job at my local hospital where i see my CPN - so I guess I can always go see him if it gets too much!
I've been on the efexor for 11 days now and today is the first time I've felt strangely calm and not panicky or anxious.. It makes me feel quite dubious as i've not felt like this in a long time and I wonder how long its going to last.. I have a terrible habit of 'testing' myself to see if those negative thoughts are still there, 'what if i have a panic', 'what if i start feeling suicidal', 'what if i die of something' etc etc.. I think i've been obsessed by these thoughts for so long, its hard for them to disappear overnight.. I'm trying so hard to accept this as maybe the start of my road to recovery but can hear my inner chatterbox trying to convince me there is no hope for me.. I wish it would just bugger off.. sorry, I'm just venting really.. thank you for reading..
love and wishes to all on this wonderful site.
Lisa
xxx
Lisa,
We shall be wishing you well for your first day at work ..
Take a pack of comforting things with you like rescue remedy
, lavender oil to sniff
Hope it goes well
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
hey lisa,
good luck tomorrow! i am sure you will be fine - as you say, at least you know that medical help is close at hand if you really need it! you won't though, you will be fine. 'what if' thoughts are such a nightmare - i'm always struggling to banish them from my mind, but hopefully you'll be so busy adjusting to everything at work that you won't have time to think.
take care,
henri x
turtlemoon
19-04-05, 18:22
Hi Lisa
I've totally been where you are now, starting a new job and all that, and all I can say is try not to worry. I know right now it probably seems really daunting and you're probably sitting there wondering how the heck you're going to communicate with people, what they're going to think of you etc, but hopefully it'll be fine.
As for you're anxiety, you've realised the most important thing - you or rather your brain, has been so obsessed with these thoughts and feelings it's hard for them to disappear straight away. But, if you're anything like I was, when you return to work (for however long it might be) it helps to keep you busy. So although the thoughts are still there, they're at the back of your mind rather than the forefront because you've got other things to think about.
I wish you all the luck in the world and remember - you work to live, not live to work. Don't go pushing yourself and only do as much as you feel you can achieve.
Best wishes
Turtle:)
Hi Lisa,
Well done on your progress and good luck for tommorow, i'm sure you will be fine, as suggested take a few comfort things with you, but just try to relax and enjoy, you'll soon get back into the swing of things, and eventually all the what if's, what will happen etc... will disappear, as you say you have had negative thoughts for quite a while, and they will not disappear overnight, but they will go eventually. Once again good luck, take care and keep us posted.....
hi lisa. good luck with the job tomorrow hope everything goes well :)
thank you so much for all your kind words and advice. I have already put dear old dr bach in my bag ready!
I will post when I get home tmrow and let you know how it went!
Lisa
xxx
All the best for tomorrow Lisa!
That's great news, and I know how you feel. I had a 10 month break off work and returning was not easy, although I did have the comfort of going back to my old job with all that brings with it.
Glad you packed the Remedy :D
Ray
Don't wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you've got to make yourself.--Alice Walker
nomorepanic
19-04-05, 19:17
Good luck for tomorrow.
Don't forget some breakfast in the morning to set you in good stead for the day.
Hope it goes ok
Nicola
Hi,
Good luck tomorrow.
I went back to work after having 5 months off about 3 years ago. I felt worried and at the time I was on Efexor. I managed it, got through it and I'm still there. I'm not great but I overcame a hurdle and like it says in the information on this site, the more you do something the less it becomes a fear.
Everyone here will be thinking of you.
x
PS I always try to think that there are probably other people around me who suffer with the same and this helps.
Hi Lisa
Best of luck for tomorrow, i am sure you will be fine. Dont forget people that have being on a long break find it hard to get back into it so you are doing really well.
I hope it goes really well for you and this is a big step back on to the road of recovery because i truly believe until we get back to work etc and our normal routine we dont know how well we have progressed, after all it was part of our life before.
Good luck, will be thinking of you and look forward to hearing how it goes.
Take care.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Good luck for tomorrow Lisa. Hope it goes well.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Good luck for tomorrow honey. Hope all goes well for you.
with good wishes
Zena
i just had my first day of work today. I handle it rather well i think. So you shouldnt have a problem. Just remember, you can do this.
Good luck for today and hope it goes well Lisa
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
wow.. thank you so much guys and girls... i'm shaking a bit this morning, but i'm trying to think of when i get home later and how happy i'll be! i can't believe its become such a struggle and before i used to do it every day as with most of the population and never gave it a second thought! i hope it goes back to that one day...
thank you so much for your kind words, it really means a lot. I will come on when i get back and tell all!!
thanks again,
Lisa
Lisa
Thanking of you.hope today goes well.
You should be really proud of yourself :D
Take Care
Tatty B xx
hi all! well I'm back! we finished early thank god! my god, i did it!! at first it felt incredibly strange being back 'out there' again and i was a little shaky and felt like i was having a dream.. but after lunch i settled into it a bit more. all your words of support were going round my head all day, just to get me thru it and not once did i sip Dr. Bach! I feel a bit mixed emotions now I'm home but I am so pleased I went and I did it.
thank you again everyone,
Lisa
xxx
Good day - well done !!
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
nomorepanic
20-04-05, 16:13
Well done to you.
Are you going back tomorrow then?
Nicola
not going back tomorrow it was just a one off job.. thought i'd ease myself back gently!! seeing my psychologist tomorrow. it does make things easier if you have something happening in the day. I know this may sound crazy, but the word 'suicide' crops up in my head about every 10 mins.. just the word, not even the act of doing it, the word scares me enough! but it wont seem to go! its really like an obsession with me.. I wish that word didn't exist.. sorry, maybe I should have started a new post.. can you just reassure me i'm not loopy and that it doesn't mean its destined to happen to me..
thank you,
lisa
xxx
Hi Lisa:D
Hope today went well. Let us know how u got on!.
X X
Hi Lisa
Well done you, see you did it however hard it felt.
Hope it goes well with you psychologist. You made a big step today and coped and you will again.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Lisa,
Good for you for making it "back out there". Baby steps will get you there! Just concentrate on the fact that you made it through the day successfully, and this will help the next time you face another challenge.
About the suicide thing....its weird but I experience the exact same thing (although not as fequently as you). If I see something on tv, or hear something about it, it freaks me out. And just the word suicide also passes through my head. I think it may be due to the fact that I heard that some people commit suicide when starting anti-depressants, and so I have just chalked it up to my anxiety about the meds. Does this sound familiar? I'm not an expert, but I have been reassuring myself by telling myself that I'm not actually thinking about committing the act, therefore I must not be suicidal, and that it is just my brain playing tricks on me. It has been helping...maybe this will help you? Take care, let me know if you want to chat more about this!
Lisa
hi Lisa..
it is weird the whole suicide thing. thats exactly it though, its because anti d's and depression are always associated with it, and whatever i hear about it being in an anxious state that I am, I relate it to me.. I talked to my counsellor about it today and she reassured me that its probably due to the fact I have made such a thing of it that it has stuck in my mind as something to be afraid of. even in my darkest moments i think, ok do you want to do it and each time i say, no. i think i'm just afraid of getting to a stage that i'll lose control of myself and not know what i'm doing and then want to do it.. i konw how irrational it sounds but me and counsellor lady decided to just not be scared of the word anymore and maybe say it out loud again and again so it doesn't mean anything.. and so far its worked. i said i should just make a song about the word. its like if you say, 'dont thing of a pink elephant' you are automatically going to think of one! it is annoying though! i'm sure it will go as i think my meds are kicking in now.. dont want to get my hopes up too much though just incase! anyway enough of me blabbering on, how are you!!!?
lisa
xxx
p.s. thanks for replying to this - its nice to know i'm not the only one obsessing!
Hi Lisa
Feeling how we do it can become a bit of an obssession the suicide word and we think we could go to the next level and become afraid of it so much that we darent even think of it and when we do we have failed.
At my worst i couldnt watch the news in case i turned into some of the things that people do and i froze if the news came on so i totally understand how you feel.
You have done well mate and i hope it carries on for you.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
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