View Full Version : Good point raised
Over the last few days I have visited daily and read the above posts and as each person has posted and sent their best wishes etc to particular people on here it became noticeable to me that I wasn't included on any of them. I'm not sure why it matters so much to me and my logical side knows that this doesn't really make any difference to my daily life but my emotional side wonders why I am not mentioned and then I start thinking have I upset them or am I just not a part of this.
The above is an extract from one of Sheba's posts. I hope you don't mind me using it Sheba but I feel you have a valuable point which everyone should be made aware of on here.
How many others on here would agree with Sheba's comments that they too feel the same way when their posts appear to be neglected?
Somehow I don't think you'll be alone with these feelings Sheba.:winks:
We're all sensitive people on here and alot of our anxieties are based on the way we have been treated by others in our past. We are insecure people and so will worry when we feel we're being ignored. In the past I can imagine how people have felt that their opinions don't matter and how they themselves have been made to feel unimportant. It's therefore so easy for people to feel the same feelings when it appears their post has been ignored.
Please don't get me wrong. I'm not saying this to have a go at people or to say that I feel ignored. I'm Only saying because whether it is on here or in the chat room, people need to be aware how upsets and conflicts can arise when it's not intentional. If we can all keep aware of others and their posts so that no one feels neglected, it can help people to feel a part of the nmp family but at the same time we all need to try and remember that everyone cares about each other on here but mistakes can occur. I know also that often we simply don't know what to say to a post or unintentionally overlook them.
I just thought that Sheba raised a valuable point so I hope you don't mind me using it Sheba to raise awareness with others in the hope that no one is left feeling they don't belong and that no one cares about them.
I do realise though that it's simply not possible to avoid oversights or to stop us worrying that we've been ignored but I just felt it's something that probably alot of us may think as well as you Sheba.
You've Always had nice things to say about me Sheba and you're a Lovely person so I will Always care about you!:hugs:
just because you have not big replys dose not mean thay don't love you :D
i know what you mean i also have the same feelings what you just siad said there about posting so i started the rest of the work on my own website what took my mind off it but somtimes people over look a reply i mean read it and then read another and forget to reply. i also should listen to what i am saying but i wont lol.:hugs:
purplehaze
21-06-08, 04:15
Hi Bill
This is such a valid post because each one of us does like to be noticed. Be it on this site, our family or our work life. Having worked in mental health for a number of years I was surprized to notice(in the beginning) that just a simple kind word could build a persons self-esteem. So if you read a post from a fellow member, then a simple reply can mean all the difference to a persons emotional life.
Just a thought on that note....there are many on this site that live alone or who because of their condition may not see another person for weeks on end and for some even posting takes a massive emotional effort, so as a family lets keep supporting each other.
kev
i have to admit i was hoping to get replys to my posts people have read them and no reply but i have to make my self see people might just not have a reply it dose kinda make me want to cry sometimes said i know but yes everyone as that need i argee.
If i read a post but cant think of a reply or anything constructive to say, i always try and leave a 'hug' anyway just to let the poster know i do care and am thinking of them, i think its nice if people do this, because sometimes ive posted things and like 33 people have looked at them and then no one has replied, it makes you feel even more of a freak!
I think it should be something people think about more knowing that there are vunrable people on here.
Good point raised Bill - as always. (Milly and i call you the wise old owl, hope that doesnt offend you in anyway, its of course meant to be endearing :) !)
Hugs C xxxx
Thank you Bill that was a very good point raised.
I was one on those people guilty of not sending my regards to Sheba and felt really bad about it and would like to reassure her it was just an oversight and I am sorry she felt upset. Sheba you are a lovely person and a very good friend to have and I would never have left you out on purpose. You are a very valued member to the thread and I consider you one of my good friends so please forgive the oversight.
Sending Sheba some hugs:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: I am sure everyone else on the thread feels the same Sheba.
Love
Carol
xxxx
milly jones
21-06-08, 10:30
i read thru the threads each morning and try to answer or leave some care for each one i read.
sometimes i dont know what to say, or i dont undertstand the anxiety, or the situation is one i havent been faced with, or its about a medication that im not familiar with.
im often scared to leave my views cos i know in the past when ive commented on taking meds, there are ppl who are very strongly against taking them. i also commented once tht i trusted my gp and received an unwelcome post to me.
so for me, i read them, i amswer if i can, but i do care
milly xxxx
I think for one thing, there are different personalities on NMP, and some personalities are more popular than others - not because they're better people, but perhaps people can relate to the way they express themselves better than they relate to other people.
On the other hand, if you did a count of how many people replied to each post, we'd all probably find out we're not as "unpopular" as we think and we just have the irrational feeling that others are getting more attention!
I get vaguely dejected if I see no reply to my posts, but at least one person usually replies in the end, and that's all that matters to me. After all, NMP is a busy place (and getting busier), and I suppose no one has the time to comfort everyone else.
I don't have time to read all the posts on NMP, but if I see there's a post that no one has replied to, I'll tend to reply myself if I can relate to it at all.
Hi Bill, have a hug from me I care.:bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1:
Lesleyb
Well said Bill. I for one will look out for posts with little or no responses and attempt some sort of reply. I think any reply is better than the thought of that respondent feeling no one cares or likes them.
Kay x
hiya
i do try to reply to as many posts as i can but ones that i feel i know nothing about ie,meds ect i dont reply to as i feel they are looking for good advice and not me telling then i know nothing about it and can not help :shrug:
i do look for posts that mabe have had one or no reply and try to help but i guess there will be post,s about things many of us dont know how to reply to i dont think it is coz we feel any less about these ppl it is just hard to find the words some times xxx
jodie xxxx
Fantastic post as usual Bill :)
I do try to reply to posts if i havething constructive to say but sometimes it depends on how confident i'm feeling. i worry that my views dont matter or i know nothing. an esteem issue i guess.
i to have been in the position of getting no or very few replies to posts but i do try to keep in mind that my issues might not be relevant to many people plus the forum moves on so quickly with new posts etc.
i guess what i'm trying to say is dont take it too much to heart :hugs:
Hi all
Bill I think you are great so have no problem in you using my post. I think it is good to be aware of others but also know it is impossible to be there for everyone even if you would like to. I would like to say that the people I was talking to have been great to me and are very caring and I know that they didn't deliberately leave me out of there messages. I think I was feelling particularly sensitive that day as we all do sometimes and looking back it would probably be better if I just came right out and said I needed some hugs or a chat or just contact cos I know that people on here would have responded as soon as they could. The trouble is for me and probably loads of others on here it is really difficult to ask for affection at any time and especially when we really need it. I came from a very unaffectionate background and find anything to do with positive feelings difficult. negative feelings are fine (mores the pity)
Anyway I think we are all pretty aware of each others feelings but that little extra vigilance is always worth the effort and goes a long way to helping us feel better too.
I love this site it has made such a difference to my life thank you to all.
never2late
22-06-08, 01:38
I agree that this is a wonderful site and has wonderful people. I've been on the Net since 1995, and I've watched it deteriorate rapidly -- on a social scale -- in the past few short years. But, fortunately, not here. NMP remains very civil and its members are genuinely very kind to one another.
I try to post when and where I can. Sometimes I get called away and I'm gone for the day or night. But I do try to always stop by each day and post replies.
Also, I do this and provide support and encouragement unconditionally. I don't care about who you are, where you are, or what type of person you are. I want you to feel better just the same.
No need to thank me, acknowledge me, or even give a wink or tip 'o the hat.
As always, it's my pleasure. :shades:
We all try look at me i went for sometime but now i am back :yesyes: but i also do feel that people sometime look but can't be botherd to reply i have 2 posts in a thread i did its had views but no one replyed i feel unwelome as it dose say i been gone for sometime and not even a hi or a hug lol silly i know but
its the things like that for some reason we pick up on more these days
NMP is a great site and i hope to be here for sometime to come and also to
work beside them to offer the world a better chance to cope with depresson and anxity and panicness. and other topics,.
:hugs: to you all :) i guess some of use just need to lean that people do are
but we don't need to be at the center for them to care :D
I'm glad you didn't mind Sheba.:hugs: It was only after reading your post that made me think about this issue.
In the past I have read about the odd upset caused by someone feeling ignored and I understand the reasons why this can happen so I just wanted to raise awareness of how easy it is for an anxiety sufferer to feel left out because often in the past we've been made to feel unimportant by others in our lives.
I realise that there are many reasons why people often don't reply to posts and that there are also those who are always helping and doing their utmost to post replies such as Donna and Milly to name but two who I think are Brilliant for what they do for others.
Sometimes also I feel we don't know what to say but I think a quick reply with a simple "hug" can often mean more than a hundred words can say. I know we all care about each other but when we're feeling low and vulnerable, we often need to actually know that someone out there Does just care about us.
If you arrive at a support group and sit there without anyone saying hello, how would you feel? If then you opened your heart out and everyone sat there silently without any words of comfort, would you want to go back?
This isn't really about "me". Sheba just reminded me the reasons why we can all sometimes think we've been ignored when we haven't and how, when we already feel unimportant, we often just need to know someone cares about us.:bighug1:
(I've been fiddling around for ages trying to word this properly so I hope it sounds ok!)
Liverbird67
22-06-08, 15:13
When I am on I tend to read lots of posts, but only leave messags on a few, mainly because I am very chatty and I know for a fact what a big gob I have, I am worried that I will reply to everything I read and people will think I am trying to take over the website.
I will now try to reply to everything I read,but I telling you you have been warned!!!!!!!!!!!:bighug1:
Lots of love
Debbie
PS sometimes though I am unsure of what to say and being the straight scouser I am I worry about upsetting people:doh:
When I am on I tend to read lots of posts, but only leave messags on a few, mainly because I am very chatty and I know for a fact what a big gob I have, I am worried that I will reply to everything I read and people will think I am trying to take over the website.
I will now try to reply to everything I read,but I telling you you have been warned!!!!!!!!!!!:bighug1:
Lots of love
Debbie
PS sometimes though I am unsure of what to say and being the straight scouser I am I worry about upsetting people:doh:
:bighug1: replying don't mean you got a big gob lol its the hole point in the reply that counts even it its to say hi or just to say your read it dose really
help ones self of steam :)
:whistles: Not that one is looking for replys lol :unsure:
I try and at least welcome people, now Ive got the hang of the new site. Well new to me, havent been on for a long while.
i am slowly chaning my mind here as i have reply to lost of people and people are reply to another site under usfull links and mine as been bypassed but lea and i say thanks to lea as she made me feel welcome she also joined my site
but many have just passed it over. thats whats upset me the most i spent good money on it and i just get over looked.
===========================
Depressed mood so please don't take my post to heart :D
===========================
bill, .....like lorac, i am also a member of the thread that sheba made that comment on....i was glad she raised her concerns and i also thought it was a very brave thing to do.......
like milly i always try and make a response to everyone, but sometimes i really dont know what to say.....
dawny
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