WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME - I AM HOPELESS

[Hope4NoMorePanic]

I am new to this site and am hoping that I will find some comfort here. I have suffered from anxiety most of my life (mainly social anxiety). About 2 years ago this anxiety turned into Panic Attacks. I was rushed to the ER and was told that I had just had my first panic attack. From that point my attacks began to get progressively worse. About 2 months ago my panic attacks got so bad that I couldnt drive, my husband kept having to "rescue" me from these situations and I almost had to leave my job because I couldn't function there either. I began on medication (Deseryl) and started going to a psychologist about 2 months ago. This medication has helped with the symptoms but I am afraid that I will go "crazy" once I stop taking this medication. I've done much reading and research and know all there is to know about this disorder. I know what is causing these and what is happening to my body. But if I know all these things, why am I not getting any better? It is hard for me to believe that people have been "cured" from this disorder. I am a very emotional, sensitive and intense person (and most people with panic have this same type of personality). So, must I change who I am in order to be "cured"? How can I possibly stop being so intense and emotional? I can't imagine ever getting better and I feel like giving up sometimes. I really am just feeling hopeless. If there is anyone out there that have been cured....please...please tell me how.

Hope4NoMorePanic

[Meg]

H4NMP

So what do you understand is the reason behind your condition and what causes your panic attacks ? Just so that we have the same understanding


Not all sufferers are 'emotional, sensitive and intense' although I do agree that those who have come to panic through the chronic anxiety channels are prone to this more than those who have had overwhelming occupational or familial sudden overload of stress.

Knowing something and accepting it are very different.. Take a look under our successes catagory.

I am a past sufferer who wouldn't go down the road at one stage and am back travelling the world in a international full time job.



Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[kairen]

Welcome to the site hope,

im not very good at putting things into words, but i never thought i would get any better but i have and i think you have to believe that and be positive, try and push yourself to do little things give yourself something to aim for , something to look forward to, just little things at the start,
well you kept your job going so there is one good positive thing, you have sorted out meds, just give them time to work dont worry about the affects of coming of them at this point or you will just be adding another anxiety to your list just take each day as it comes

Im sure you wil get loads on help and support on this site you are not alone take care xx

kairen x

[Hope4NoMorePanic]

Growing up was very traumatizing for me. My mother had an affair, she left my father and this new man was a very abusive. My 2 siblings and I never got abused by him but unfortunately my 2 foster brothers were abused to an extreme degree. As a 3 year old little girl I would run and hide from these things. My mother and my step-father constantly fought (I believe he had an affair as well) and he was always drunk. When I entered school I was baicaly "mute" in school. I would not speak or interact with the other kids or teachers. I had a hard time with english (Spanish was my first language). I always had social anxiety from that point on. I have problems with banks, grocery stores, malls...etc. About 2 years ago my mother was diagnosed with cancer which was incredibly hard for all of us to accept. She is doing well, however, 2 years ago was when I began having panic attacks. I have always had a low self-esteem and I am not confident in anything that I do. All of this contributes to my anxiety. I've been married for 2 1/2 years now and my husband is the best thing that ever happened to me. He is so understanding and supportive. When I experience panic attacks I relax as much as possible and slowly breath in and out. I find that this helps but I dont see this curing me. I have tried to be so positive about this but I dont feel strong enough to accomplish this. I know that what I'm feeling is not really a heart attack, I know it's not really a brain tumor...I know that I need to ride each attack like a wave. I know panic will not cause me any harm. I have accepted all of this and understand this. But what is the next step? I am now taking walks at lunch time to relieve some anxiety that I feel. I am now trying to change things (such as shopping on my own) and I feel that I am making some progress but as I mentioned previously, I do not see myself getting better. I have social anxiety but I do not think that by pushing myself to do things such as enter banks or grocery stores alone will cure my anxiety. I dont think that is the root of my problem. So, maybe that's what I'm trying to figure out - what is the root of my problem and how can I go about changing this?

Hope4NoMorePanic

[Meg]

Hi

Thanks for that information.

Self esteem issues and social anxiety do go hand in hand so you need to address these concurrently. As you feel better about yourself and the worth of your contribution then you will get more confident in contributing ..

Regards the panic - Have you accepted yet that it is you by the nature of how you regard situations and how you self talk that creates and perpetuates the panic attacks ?

Start here : First Steps to overcoming Panic and Anxiety (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=942)

Thoughts : Lets try to keep our thoughts in perspective (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=283)
More thoughts : Mind Games (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1789)
Thoughts: obsessive thoughts & anxiety (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3096)
Creeping fears : Has anyone else felt this symptom? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3080)

Progress to be permenent needs to be slow and stable.








Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[doddy]

H4NMP,

the root of your anxiety and panic I will leave to someone better qulaified than I to look at, meg is exceptional at rooting through words and finding reasons, as are many others on here.

what id like to say is that yes, it can be overcome, yes, you can lead a normal life, the term normal of course is very subjective but i think you will know what i mean.

My anxiety got out of control last year after a mild head injury, but with hign sight this was just a tricker of anxiety that had been building ofr years, and i felt the same as you, hopeless, will it ever end, what if it dosent, what if the meds dont work...then what if they do and then what happens when i come off them!!! the worry can just go around and around ....then i learnt to accept a degree of uncertainty, lernt to accept that i had anxiety and thats all it was and learnt to accept taking small steps to my recovery.

we all want it gone tommorow but that doesnt happen, time and patience have become my friends now.........as they will urs.

good luck and never ever keep up hope as you can get through this.

andy

[nomorepanic]

Hi H4NMP - just wanted to welcome you aboard the forum and I hope we can point you in the right directon.

I have suffered for over 11 years now but I am almost there - just get a bit of anxiety whilst driving so it can be done. It is hard work and I have to fight hard some days but there are others on here who are almost 100%.

Read some of the success stories it may give you some motivation.

Nicola

[Hope4NoMorePanic]

I have been reading a lot of postings this afternoon and have been very impressed by this site. Particularly with you, Meg. Is your story posted on here? Have you overcome panic? You are so wise and I admire your words. I am a very obbssesive thinker which I realize is one of my major problems. As you mentioned the constant "what if's" are what get me every time. I also montior my body 24/7. Any little insignificant feeling will feel like the most terrible thing. If I get a sharp pain on my side, I automatically start researching the possibilities. I diagnose myself with every sort of disease known to man. Of course I've been to the hospital and Dr's office over and over only for them to tell me that everyone should be as healty as me! I refuse to believe them and so go to someone else for a second opinion. I already made the decision a couple months ago to stop this nonsense! I realize that everything that I feel is due to my anxiety. At first I had a hard time with this because I kept thinking "I know that this is due to my anxiety but what if one day it's not?" There goes the WHAT IF again! This constant worry MUST be what causes this! One day I had a mild panic attack in the car where I felt like I was going to faint. Fainting is probably the scariest thing that could happen to me. I pulled over and since that day I have had panic attacks driving. I fear not being able to pull over or having a way out. That is when I began calling my husband to come rescue me. He is my safe place. But I have come to understand that I have to be my OWN safe place. All of you have made me feel positive again. I am so happy I came across this site. (ps I tend to be a little impatient with waiting for a response but this is a way that I can work on this anxious thinking!!) Thank you all for your kind and helpful words. Where can I find the success stories?

Hope4NoMorePanic

[Meg]

Thank you.

My story is not at present as I've been too busy so far writing CD set's, articles and webpages and answering a few posts -lol - maybe I ought to get round to it ...after I do the relaxation page and help Nic update the site and proof read a midwifery text book .. lol .. oh, plus the day job and my daily therapy emailers.

Bingo : **Fainting is probably the scariest thing that could happen to me. I pulled over and since that day I have had panic attacks driving** There is the proof that it is anxiety and not some dreaded lurgy.

I am now happy to say that you can get this in hand if you want to enough and you can get over this certainly to a mangeable degree- most people don't perservere right to the end as they find a life they are happy with and so a few residual fears thay can cope with.

You already know some of the theory but you also have to actually walk the path not just sing the song to improve.

Oh and Nic says I write like I'm a really old matron but I'm not..




Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[nomorepanic]

The success stories is a whole topic on the forum. Scroll down from the main forum page and you will see it.

Nicola

[Hope4NoMorePanic]

And No More Panic I read your story as well and you have also made me feel like I am not alone. It is so interesting to see that almost all of us experience the same things, the same symptoms and thoughts. Thank you for this website. I feel very encouraged to finally conquer this!:D

Hope4NoMorePanic

[clickaway]

Hi,

Just to say I'm so glad you found us!

I can certainly relate to the lack of self-esteem and withdrawal from social situations in the earlier part of my life.

As an aside, I suffered from epilepsy in my adolescent years and these attacks were often brought on by anxious or excitable situations, such as exams or going on long trips. I actually taught myself to feel "what will be, will be", and my anxiety over exams diminshed and even didn't feel much emotion when I got my very first promotion at work. So I changed my mind-set!

Sometimes, it takes us a long time to progress and we have to accept this, and at the same time believe that our patience will be rewarded with a far better life than what we are currently experiencing.

I still have some way to go, and it has taken me a long time to convince myself that its "only anxiety". Even now, those doubts return, but those moments are diminishing.

You are not hopeless, you are positive and you will continue to be stronger.

Take Care,

Ray



Don't wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you've got to make yourself.--Alice Walker

[sal]

Hi

Pleased you have found this site and have found it of some benefit straight away, which is great.

Hope we can help you through this and by reading the success stories you can see that there is hope and with sheer determination and strength we can get there.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[Hope4NoMorePanic]

I think I just figured out that one of my main problems is my Hypochondriasis. I recently stopped researching every little thing that I felt and stopped diagnosing myself with all kinds of diseases. I have accepted that any scary symptom that I feel is due to my anxiety. I believe this has helped a great deal. My only problem is the fear of FAINTING. When I begin feeling faint I begin to panic and not necessarily because I think I have a brain tumor (although it does cross my mind) but because the thought of fainting at work or while driving petrifies me. This is something I have to learn NOT to fear. I've had a very hard time trying to figure out what is causing my anxiety and this is what I have found:
1) My childhood contributes to what kind of person I am today. I am a very over-analytical, intense and emotional person. These traits are not necessarily bad in themselves but when I let it get to that extreme panicky level - that is when it can turn ugly.
2) As a result of my way of thinking I fear people and public places. Perhaps because I fear being judged and or laughed at. Due to the fact that I will avoid these kind of places - the result is PANIC.
3) This also causes me to want to diagnose myself with all kinds of diseases. This is due to my fear of death. But I have to reason: Doesn't everyone fear death? I will never fully enjoy my life if I live it by constantly fearing death. I have to accept that I am healthy and I will live a full and happy life.
So, I can begin by slowly pushing myself to do things on my own without the assistance of my husband. I think this will help me a great deal.
The only thing that I can't figure out is why lights bother me. When I walk into a room with a certain lighting I begin to feel faint. Also, my husband and I went to a baseball game last night. I had a terrible panic attack as a result of all the yelling and noise around me. Why did that make me panic? I was having fun with the rest of them when I began to panic. Any ideas?

Hope4NoMorePanic

[Meg]

H4NMP,

That all sounds very reasonable and sensible.

Have you read the Health Anxiety page on the home page of this site ?

As for lights - you are not alone ..
Lights: problems with light (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2390)
HIGH CEILINGS AND FLOURESCENT LIGHTS?? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3088)



Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...