Bill
24-06-08, 04:56
I was thinking this evening about why we find it so difficult to cope with stress in our daily lives.
I should think most people who suffer from anxiety are born with a sensitive nature although I should think anxiety can also affect the most confident of people who suffer a trauma.
According to my mother, when I was born I hated being left on my own and I craved affection but my mother tells me she didn't want to mother me, and in truth I can't remember hugs or cuddles although I felt happy as I know I was loved.
My main problems though surfaced in my teens. My brothers and sister left home by the time I was 12 and so from a crowded house, I spent long periods alone...the thing I'd always hated most!
I can also remember how my parents would do things for me because they wanted to look after me but I feel as a result I wasn't allowed to build any confidence in my own abilities.
Also in my teens I lost a good school friend which I know deeply affected me because from there health anxiety became a real problem for me.
However, this evening I began to remember one particular aspect of my past how teenage spots affected me. They were really bad and went on for years, even to a much less degree in the present, but due to my sensitive nature, I became very self-conscious. I was already very quiet and shy but spots totally destroyed the little confidence I had. I wanted to put a bag over my head and not go out as I couldn't look at people.
I used to use a medicated cover stick but sometimes I went to extremes to find cosmetics to hide them, even ladies skin coloured make-up using something that was shaped like lipstick to hide the spots! I was just so desperate to hide them.
Of course I couldn't speak to girls. I was too shy already but spots made me hide away. I used to envy friends who had girlfriends and I used to dream of simply holding a girls hand. It was only when I was in my twenties that I met my first girlfriend but it never became serious. The only serious girlfriend I've only ever had and been with before I got married was my wife. When I think back, spots ruined my teenage years and denied me lots of the things good looking friends had.
As I say, spots destroyed the little confidence I had. They affected both my personal and early working life because I couldn't open up to people. It took me years to overcome my shyness.
Eventually though as I grew older, I did manage to open up, talk to colleagues, hold meetings and train people but I didn't enjoy my job and when pressures became too great at home and at work, my confidence sank again like a stone. That was the beginning of my bad spell when self harming and od's took hold but gradually I pulled myself through it and now cope much better.
So going back to where I began, I think we're born with a sensitive nature and as we grow older we are knocked by events and how people treat us so that we develop "a severe lack of confidence" both in our thinking patterns and in our abilities which is why we have so much trouble with self-doubts and worries.
Finding a job we enjoy can really help but if we have no confidence in ourselves, no matter what we do, we will find life difficult to cope with so we'll be more likely to suffer from stress.
I feel we tend to put bad events in the past into boxes because we don't know how to deal with the feelings they produce so the boxes need to be opened to enable us to come to terms with them. In doing so, I think it helps us to create a better understanding of ourselves to enable us to move forward. I feel insight then helps us to build self-confidence in the way we think by changing negative thoughts to positive thoughts and to build self-confidence in our own abilities by proving to ourselves how capable we really are because I feel building self-confidence is the key to coping with stress and anxiety. :hugs:
I should think most people who suffer from anxiety are born with a sensitive nature although I should think anxiety can also affect the most confident of people who suffer a trauma.
According to my mother, when I was born I hated being left on my own and I craved affection but my mother tells me she didn't want to mother me, and in truth I can't remember hugs or cuddles although I felt happy as I know I was loved.
My main problems though surfaced in my teens. My brothers and sister left home by the time I was 12 and so from a crowded house, I spent long periods alone...the thing I'd always hated most!
I can also remember how my parents would do things for me because they wanted to look after me but I feel as a result I wasn't allowed to build any confidence in my own abilities.
Also in my teens I lost a good school friend which I know deeply affected me because from there health anxiety became a real problem for me.
However, this evening I began to remember one particular aspect of my past how teenage spots affected me. They were really bad and went on for years, even to a much less degree in the present, but due to my sensitive nature, I became very self-conscious. I was already very quiet and shy but spots totally destroyed the little confidence I had. I wanted to put a bag over my head and not go out as I couldn't look at people.
I used to use a medicated cover stick but sometimes I went to extremes to find cosmetics to hide them, even ladies skin coloured make-up using something that was shaped like lipstick to hide the spots! I was just so desperate to hide them.
Of course I couldn't speak to girls. I was too shy already but spots made me hide away. I used to envy friends who had girlfriends and I used to dream of simply holding a girls hand. It was only when I was in my twenties that I met my first girlfriend but it never became serious. The only serious girlfriend I've only ever had and been with before I got married was my wife. When I think back, spots ruined my teenage years and denied me lots of the things good looking friends had.
As I say, spots destroyed the little confidence I had. They affected both my personal and early working life because I couldn't open up to people. It took me years to overcome my shyness.
Eventually though as I grew older, I did manage to open up, talk to colleagues, hold meetings and train people but I didn't enjoy my job and when pressures became too great at home and at work, my confidence sank again like a stone. That was the beginning of my bad spell when self harming and od's took hold but gradually I pulled myself through it and now cope much better.
So going back to where I began, I think we're born with a sensitive nature and as we grow older we are knocked by events and how people treat us so that we develop "a severe lack of confidence" both in our thinking patterns and in our abilities which is why we have so much trouble with self-doubts and worries.
Finding a job we enjoy can really help but if we have no confidence in ourselves, no matter what we do, we will find life difficult to cope with so we'll be more likely to suffer from stress.
I feel we tend to put bad events in the past into boxes because we don't know how to deal with the feelings they produce so the boxes need to be opened to enable us to come to terms with them. In doing so, I think it helps us to create a better understanding of ourselves to enable us to move forward. I feel insight then helps us to build self-confidence in the way we think by changing negative thoughts to positive thoughts and to build self-confidence in our own abilities by proving to ourselves how capable we really are because I feel building self-confidence is the key to coping with stress and anxiety. :hugs: