Ive done it this time..........

[Tricky Tree]

Went into the office this morning and decided that I couldnt do the job anymore (at the level Im at).

Im usually fine when in the office, but out on appointments I have suffered panic attacks beforehand for about 6 years.

Im on seroxat, beta blockers when needed and rescue remedy.

Ive tried counselling, which seemed to work for a while (@ £40 a session)

Ive recently tried hypnotherapy and thought I was getting somewhere (again at £40 a session).

However, had a meeting yesterday in a claustrophobic room at a high temp with 3 other people and couldnt wait to get out.

Sweating like a pig and with high anxiety - blood coursing through the veins - I got through it.

Downside is my confidence is completely shot. I simply cant face it anymore.

Hypnotherapist is typically away for 2 weeks.

After going in this morning, promptly checked the diary, got my phone and left.

Drove to the wifes work and told her what I was planning to do and shes backed me - as I knew she would.

Spoke to the boss and have asked for a downgrade to a non customer facing role. Will cost be about 10k a year off my salary which means costs will need cutting, but I figure that health is more important that money.

Boss has been out to my home and we have talked it through. Going to try to generate a role for me.

Frustrating as I know Im good enough for the top role - both in relationships with people and on the technicial side.

Simply cannot overcome the usual FEAR before the meeting - and yesterday during it in waves.

Back to the docs this afternoon for a probable higher dose of Seroxat :weep:


All I can do is hope that the move is for the best and I havent completely knackered my career up - probably have though.

Thanks for reading!

[Kate408]

I know exactly what you mean, although i'm coming at it from the other side. I'm hitting a ceiling at work as I can't leave the office. If I was able to go out to clients' premises, then I would be able to do audits and things, and would be able to work my way up, but I can't. I have to stay in the office (coz of my panics), and my employer uses that as an excuse to keep my pay really low and things. So, i'm still just an assistant, and feel like i'm going nowhere. I just hope I get better soon as i'm getting really frustrated.

Your boss sounds like he's being really supportive. Do you think that when your confidence is back up you'd be able to move back into a more client-facing role? I would imagine that if you know you're capable of doing it, frustration will get to after a while, and you might want to try it again? (I don't know, but I know that I'm getting frustrated being in the office all the time. I'm very ambitious, and just want to get out there!)

Anyway, hope this has all made sense.

Good luck at the drs / hope it went well (if you've already been).

Let us know how you get on.

Take care

Kate
xx

[Jaco45er]

Tricky chap

Try not to stress about it (easier said than done). I know exactly how you feel. A few years back, when my anxiety was at it's highest, I used to be a pre-sales consultant for an IT firm looking after blue chips.

This included shooting into the smoke (I am 70 miles north so had to use trains and tubes, not good for me), endless meetings and pub lunches and all that.

In the end, I couldn't face it, the anxiety was so high that I could not sit in a meeting without fidgiting, sweating or my voice sounding so nervous I didn't want to talk. I finally asked to be put back into a tech role, where I could turn up at a customer site, fix something and not talk to hardly anyone.

Colleagues thought I had lost the plot, I was one minute swanning about in a posh motor, meetings, lunches, the next back to fixing things and OTE well down. I kinda figured that I had not always felt like this, and like you when I was on the ball I breezed the job, but I couldn't do both. I couldn't hold that position and concentrate on getting better so one had to give.

Well I did get better (just holiday anxiety to overcome), and now I am doing something I would never have thought I could have, I run my own (modest) business and set up a partnership with others too. These things would not have been possible when I was "ill".

So what I would say to you chap is, don't beat yourself up over it, kick back a little, concentrate on getting better(which you will) and when you are back to 100%, you know you have those skills to go back to the customer facing role.

A footballer don't play with a broken leg,until it's better (Jaco, your analogies are pants mate).

Good luck

Jaco

[mandie]

I do understand and im glad your boss is being suportive.

I have been signed off work for a month, due to my panic attacks and anxiety, but my employers are not sympathetic even though they are gp's!

Good luck at doctors

love mandie x

[Tricky Tree]

Thanks for the kind messages of support. Im at the quacks at 4.15pm.

I dont really see what they can do for me in the 10 mins you get allocated these days other than alter my prescription........ and as anyone on anti depressants will know, it takes a week or so for them to build up in your system.

The boss is making all the right noises, but then he would have to. I work for a blue chip and HR will become involved now. They will be watching their backs for sure incase they are sued / implicated as the reason for my condition.

Sad way of looking at it, but thats society today.

I suspect that they will find me a role that isnt client facing. Will be a come down for me though - a demotion if you will.

Already knew it, but its nice to know you arent alone.

Thanks again for the messages of support. I wish you all well in your personal battles.