Boyfriend Problem..

[TheOriginal_BIRD]

:weep: i cheated on my boyfriend of 2 years about 4 months ago..
at the time i thought nothing much of it, since the interest in the new guy was overwhelming..
but now i can think of nothing else..i thought i wouldnt be able to do it since i love my bf sooo much:flowers: but im suprised i did..

and im scared im going to do it again....i just cant say no sometimes and give in to that 'on the spot' urge and regret it later..
it keeps me awake at night thinking of the mistake ive made
[its a big one]
hes been my rock through everything..so why did i do it :weep:
anyone else have a similar problem?

the guilt is eating away at me and everytime i drop him back home in my car i cry all the way back..

knowing what ive done and that i cant change it, and if he ever finds out hes gone for good =[ hmm..:shrug: i feel like i dont deserve him..and since the panic attaks started i jst feel completely useless..:unsure:

[Southern_Belle]

Hi Bird,

I've seen your phtograph with your car so I know you are young (at least compared to me anyways) lol. Seems to me you have two obvious choices. Either tell him or don't tell him. The deeper problem that I see is that you foresee doing it again and lack of self control. I view that as a lack of self-esteem issue. Perhaps deep down you do not feel good about yourself and are either looking for approval from other men as your boyfriend is not enough. I just don't know. If I were you, I would get some counseling and stop this behavior in its' tracks as it will continue. Also, quit beating yourself up, what is done is done. Just don't repeat it. I can't and won't advise you as to whether or not you should tell him. Only you can make that decision. He may or may not leave you. Quite frankly, it probably depends on why you did it and I imagine you don't even know thus the reason for counseling. Good luck and I am here if you ever need to talk.

Laura xxx

ps

If any alcohol was involved that never helps, it lets your guard down. All of this is common sense of course but sometimes it helps to hear it from someone else. You can only move forwards once you forgive yourself. I hope in time you can believe in yourself again.

[TheOriginal_BIRD]

"The deeper problem that I see is that you foresee doing it again and lack of self control. I view that as a lack of self-esteem issue. Perhaps deep down you do not feel good about yourself and are either looking for approval from other men as your boyfriend is not enough. I just don't know"


i agree with that..i never looked at it that way but when you said that..it just clicked..
ive always been self concious..i act confident about myself sometimes when im really not..
i think i need to speak with my counsellor about it..since its an underlying issue ive had for ages, and thankyou so much for your advice, youve really made me see what the problem is..even if i knew it already :wacko:
lots of hugs :hugs:

[belle]

Okay. I really don't want to sound harsh here, but i have very strong views on cheating.

You would have never cheated on your boyfriend if you were happy in your relationship. You can say you love him....but bottom line....if you REALLY loved and cared for him you wouldn't have done it. You shouldn't need validation from sex to another man to make you feel good about yourself, that to me is an excuse. Imagine if your boyfriend said "I felt down about myself so i slept with someone else..." That is the most pathetic excuse ever and one that i have heard used MANY times before. I have VERY low self esteem, i hate/loathe myself and i have a husband that isn't very nice to me and puts me down...but i would never go to bed with someone else to boost my confidence.

I know i wouldn't be able to cope with the stress of keeping something like that hidden, the feeling of guilt would be overwhelming. I think the simple fact that you are worried it could happen again is speaking volumes!

I think you should be honest, if he finds out another way - that'll be a gazillion times worse.

Belle

[jodie]

hiya:hugs:

i think it is up to you if you tell him or not !
but you are young and we all make mistakes at times so why not just learn from it and move on mate, i mean no one has got hurt and you can not undo it so move on i am sure you wont do it again coz you know how it makes you feel ,i am not saying it is right but hey we are not perfect, mabe your bf is not the one for you but only time will tell you that Hun see how things go you got years ahead of you yet .

Jodie xxxxx