View Full Version : Agoraphobia or Just Not In The Mood?
mtatum4496
30-06-08, 22:27
A thought occurred to me today and I wonder if others have had similar thoughts.
This morning, I ran a few errands and did quite well. My anxiety level never went past a certain point, and I took a bit of glee from having navigated the errands without taking any Xanax beforehand.
Just as I returned home, I happened to look at the gasoline gauge and saw the reading was a little lower than I like to maintain in the car. By this time it was lunch, I was hungry, and just wanted to go in and enjoy the meal I had picked up. I resolved to go out in the afternoon after I completed my work for the day and purchase some gasoline.
After finishing my work, I stretched out on the sofa to read for a little while. Just a little while ago, I remembered I had planned on getting gasoline this afternoon. With some grumbling under my breath, I got up and went to a local station and pumped in the amount I had in mind, paid for my purchase, and left.
It was on my way home that I had my thought.
Was I grumbling about running the errand because of my agoraphobia? Or was it simply because I was comfortable and not in the mood to run the errand? I honestly don't know.
At present, I seem to have lost the ability to determine if my reluctance to go out on a particular occasion is due to the fear that is part and parcel of agoraphobia or simply because I would rather do something else.
Has anyone else had a similar thought? What do you think about this concept?
I think that if you were in the true grip of agoraphobia, no way on earth would you have left the house. I'm also a little confused by the fact that some ppl seem to have 'part-time' agoraphobia...is this possible? that one day you can go out and the next day you can't? im no expert and i guess even something like agoraphobia can effect ppl in different ways. From what you say though, it sounds to me that you just couldnt be bothered to go out to get the gasoline, since you dont mention the fact that you felt like crap, breathless or panicking when you were actually out there, as so many of us do when we go outside.
Cathy xxx :)
Hi!
This is NMP's definition of agorphobia:
'Agoraphobia is not, as many people believe, just about open spaces. It is really a fear of being in any place or situation where the sufferer does not feel safe or where the sufferer feels trapped, and he/she is driven by an uncontrollable urge to escape to a place of safety which, in most cases, is his/her own home.
Defined as: Anxiety about being in places from which escape might be difficult (or embarrassing) or in which help may not be available in the event of having an unexpected or situationally predisposed Panic Attack or panic-like symptoms. Agoraphobic fears typically involve characteristic clusters of situations that include being outside the home alone; being in a crowd or standing in a line; being on a bridge; and travelling in a bus, train, or automobile.'
I always think of agoraphobia being on a spectrum. You might say I am a high functioning agoraphobic because I work and get out and about,BUT, there are situations when my agoraphobia will kick in. Perfect example was today. I decided after work to start to walk towards getting a lift. I was walking alongside a wide road quite heavy with traffic. the side I was walking on had a high railing on the right and the busy road to the left, I had two options keep walking on the path or walk on the road. I began to feel unsafe and started to panic. So I went to the other side of the road where there were lots of houses and turn offs into streets ( in my mind ways to escape). UNTIL, I hit part of the path where I was walking the path with a solid 7 foot wall on one side and the busy road on the other. The ffelings of panic intesified and I had to turn back and duck down one of the smaller streets to ease my anxiety.
On another day I might have made that walk but not today. Why? Because there are factors that contribute to my ability to cope. A. I was shattered. B It was that time of the month, and C. I had had an emotionally draining day at work.
Viewed from this angle, agoraphobia can look part time to someone else. It's not it can strike at anytime for me. But I can be in places where I feel emotionally able to cope better and therefore push myself further.
Mtatum... to your original question... there is every likely hood you were just feeling like you couldnt be bothered because you were having a better coping day. The only way to really test that one out is to start to push the boundaries of your comfort zone and see how far you really can go.
Take care
Pooh x
I don't think there are part time agorophobics. I think that as we begin to go out, we establish a network of places we feel safe to go. These become our comfort zone and we can operate quite well within them. For example, I can just manage Aldi, which is a small supermarket with low shelving, but no way can I get round Asda yet.
As to the question of whether you wanted to go out or not, I think this raises another question. Who would want to get up again after a busy day to go out for petrol? Why are we unable to recognise the normal anxieties and feelings everyone has without automatically putting everything down to panic? I think one of the major steps to recovery is to be able to acknowledge and accept feelings - and feel them.
mtatum4496
01-07-08, 01:10
Thank you all for your responses.
Cathy, I would agree that agoraphobia is not a part time thing. It is always there; it is a question of how debilitating it happens to be at any given point in time. Unlike many people who suffer with the condition, I am not confined to one room or even to my home. I can manage to go a few places, provided my brain on some level perceives those places to be safe. That does not mean there is no anxiety, no increase in heart rate or lightheadedness, etc - just that the levels do not pass a certain point and turn into full blown panic attacks when I am in one of those safe places. And of course there are a number of places I once was able to visit freely and comfortably that I cannot manage right now.
Maddie, I can certainly attest that I have my collection of "safe places". These help me to not be completely housebound, for which I am very grateful. Recently, I added the park near my home to places where I seem to be able to cope fairly well. Lately, I have begun to notice that some of the safe places are becoming MORE safe - that is, I seem to be able to relax in them a little more than I could a few months ago. Not quite back to normal in those selective settings, but closer to it.
By the way, I share your approach to supermarkets - there is a smaller market near my home that I can manage fairly well most of the time if I take care to go during hours where there is not much chance of standing in line for very long, but a larger one I used to visit often that is still currently beyond me.
As to why anyone would want to go out for gasoline after finishing the work day - I tend to agree. Before all this came about, I would not have given the matter a second thought, and simply saw it as not being in the mood to deal with such a dull task. I think I have fallen into the trap of attributing more to the anxiety and agoraphobia than is actually the case, especially when it comes to mundane matters such as this. I need to change that mind set.
Pooh, you are most likely correct - I do have days when I cope with more ability than others, and certainly this morning I did fairly well. There really is no reason to think that a trip to the gas station (where I normally am able to get in and out very quickly) would be any different than the errands I ran this morning. And I have never gotten a thrill from purchasing gasoline under the best of circumstances. So this probably was a case of genuinely not being in the mood and not an event attributable to the anxiety/agoraphobia.
As perplexing as my question was personally when I posted it earlier, I do think posting it here and reading the responses has taught me something useful. Perhaps I have become aware of another tool to use to separate the "normal" anxiety of day to day living from the "extra" anxiety that is part of my life right now.
I know i am an agraphobic its just some days its much much worse than others dependent on my anxiety levels, i dont think this makes me a part-time agraphobic (as this cant really exsist, you r either something or you arent) i am just someone who has days when i can cope better with the agro, days when i can kinda cope with the agro and days when i cant cope with it at all!!! This is purely down to the state of mind am i in.
This is a really interesting thought. I would consider my agorophobia to be always present like a headache. Sometimes it is just a dull ache and others it is full blown banging away miserable. On the days when it is a dull ache I can achieve more than on the really bad days. But I do think it is easy to blame any number of symptoms and feelings on agorophobia or any other diagnosed illness. For example I have lots of pain in my muscles and joints. I suffer from extreme exhaustion some of the time on a daily basis. I also often have swollen glands in my throat and trouble with my sinuses. Now some of these are as a result of anxiety and some are certainly made worse and prolonged by anxiety. But I also have an underactive thyroid and have an inflammatory artritic condition. If you look up symptoms for these conditions they also follow the above symptoms so of course it is impossible to attribute each symptom to a specific condition. I find it very easy to blame my not wanting to do things (although I tend to use the words 'I can't do' ) on either my agorophobia or arthritis. Getting the balance right and motivating oneself to do anything can and is an up hill struggle. For some people the hill is a gentle slope and for others it is like climbing the north face of the Eiger(sp?)
I agree totally with all of this.... there is no part time agrophobia.... but this is why it is hard for people who do not suffer from this condition to understand it. From about March to May I was going on the motorway once a week with 2 very close friends to try & help me with this (I can drive myself without any fear whatsoever around my local area, but find I get fear whenever I have to drive outside of my perceived safe areas). I was doing really well & started to get used to it. They saw me doing well & we all thought I was getting to grips with it. Then one day, due to something that was happening at work I was feeling quite stressed. One of my friends who had been going on the motorway with phoned to ask if my daughter & I wanted to go with her & daughter to the same place on the motorway that we had been doing for a coffee. I said ok, but I was feeling really anxious about it. When she arrived I had to say is it ok if we go somewhere closer to home as I can't face the motorway today. She said ok, but she looked puzzled and said it's just that you have been doing so well I did not think that it would be a problem. I tried to explain that alot depends on my state of mind at that time.
So what I am trying to say is that I do not suffer from this on a part time basis, but how I react to it does depend on my frame of mind. So in conclusion, yes it is always there, it is just a matter of how well we do or don't cope with it, in other words if we can face the fear that day or not.
As for wondering if you just could not be bothered going out or if it was your fear, I think you can tell the two apart. If I just can't be bothered it is because I feel tired and just don't want to go out but I feel no anxiety, not even slightly. If it's my fear that's stopping me I feel the anxiety, the fear in the pit of my stomach even if it's just slight. I suspect that in your case, because you don't speak of any anxiety, it was probably just that you could not be bothered this time & not the anxiety that was stopping you.
Hi all. In previous post where i asked if its possible to have agoraphobia on a part time basis seems to have caused quite a debate. Im still a bit confused about it tho i must admit. I personally suffer with ectopic heartbeats (missed beats for the uninitiated) and depending on how bad these are day to day, governs whether i can pluck up the courage to go out..or at least go too far if i do go out. So whn they disappear for a while (can be up to 6 months without them) im ok and get on with my life, then when they return i have good days and bad days with them.
With agoraphobia, i was always under the impression that you can't leave the house, that even standing on the doorstep brings on a panic attack, and that with successful therapy you eventually get over it, maybe after many years, and can go out and about again. I think i associate it with fear of flying, or of spiders etc, in that once you have that fear it never leaves you, until you have either therapy or drugs or whatever might be the key to recovery, and after recovery you lose the fear. How can a fear come back if youve lost it?
So for me, what you are all saying is that on monday you are scared of spiders but on tuesday you aren't? Not wanting to go out if my heart is playing up isnt agaraphobia to me, its just the ectopics making me anxious and being anxious is uncomfortable so i just choose to stay inside that day.
Its not a case of getting to the doorstep and not being able to put my foot over it, let alone get into the car and drive it, its just that if you can go out some days and not others then the label should be anxiety and not agoraphobia surely? Anxiety can make things different each day, the way we feel about what we can do that day. With true agoraphobia you have no choice....until you are cured.
I can think of more than one member who i would say id agoraphobic, in that they have found it very difficult to go outside their door...and this is different from feeling nervous on a motorway, this is not going over the doorstep remember. But with meds and therapy they start to take small steps outside, then more, then further away until eventually they are free. The anxious person will always be anxious, but the agorophobic person, who will also always have anxiety, will never go back to that place once they have reovered.
This is my interpretation of agoraphobia as i have seen it over the years. I know alot of you will disagree, but as matnum said in the firat place...is it true agoraphobia? and you have to ask yourselves the question also. You can have part-time anxiety because thats a reaction to stress and our stress levels vary from day to day. True agoraphobia is constant and debilitating every day, every week, every year.
Comments welcome.
Best wishes
Cathy xxxxx :)
Hi CathyV
I have to admit that before I started suffering from Agoraphobia 10yrs ago, I thought the same as you, that it meant you could never leave the house. However, over the years, having met people and talked to people and read tons of info, I have come to realise that agoraphobia has many levels. They psychologist told me that at it's absolute worse Agoraphobics cannot leave the house or sometimes even one room in the house. But he stressed to me that is the condition at it's worse. At the smaller end of the scale people can move freely around their town but don't ask them to venture outiside of this as they then suffer the exact same symptoms as those who cannot get out of their house.
Someone said on this post earlier that it is about our perceived safe areas. Everyone's perceived safe area differs from each other and sometimes even differs for ourselves depending on how you are feeling.
For instance, when this condition was at it's worse for me which as I said started 10yrs ago after my second child was born, I found it very difficult to go outside of my house. I had to walk my son to the nursery everyday & I went through hell to do it. I found I could no longer drive my car anywhere without terrible panic & anxiety & going to the supermarket was a huge ordeal & at first I could only do it if someone was with me. However, I was very, very lucky as this part only lasted about 6 months (at it's worst). I kept on going out and I have to say that after about this time I was fine walking anywhere, going to supermarket, driving my car locally. And thankfully to this day I can do all these things without any anxiety or panic. However, that is not to say that it is still not there. For instance, there are still times when I may get stuck in traffic going into town & I can still begin to experience panic, however, I am able to breath through it and I'm ok. But, there are many things, even after 10yrs that I still cannot do. For instance, I cannot go on trains, it is only recently that I lock bathroom doors when out (and only then in cubicles I know that I could escape if locked in), I do not go on trains, I really struggle to travel on motorways for fear of being stuck in a traffic jam, I hate flying (although I loved it before this started), and I can now travel to a place about 10 miles from here. However, even this is weird because sometimes I am fine, no anxiety no panic & am just able to do it, but other times I have to fight the thoughts, the panic & yes the part where I can hardly breath & my chest feels tight, etc. etc.
Agoraphobia, from what I have perceived it to be is that it is the fear of having a panic attack in a public place, a place where you cannot get to your safety zone. Again, this varies from person to person. Walking to the end of my street holds no fear whatsoever for me now, but for people whom it does it is because they feel they are way to far from their perceived safety zone. My perceived safety zone goes further, but it exits all the same, and I do experience (much to my disgust) all the horrible symptoms that do go with it just the same as someone who can't get out their front door.
For me agoraphobia is the fear of losing control of yourself.
What you have got to try and remember that all illnesses, all conditions are not the same for everyone and that the degree of it can vary from person to person. It is the same for dyslexia, autism, aspergers, heart conditions, ect,. With dyslexia, autism & aspergers, there is a scale and once a person is assessed they are able to know where on that scale they are.
It's like everything in this world, we are all individuals, how we experience things, or the reasons we experience them varies from one individual to the next. What is good about this site is that although we all experience things at different levels, the point is we have all experienced the same core element & that is terrible, crippling fear. It is because of this common element that we are able to understand each other, relate to how we are feeling, and it is because of this understanding that we find some comfort. People who have never experienced any kind of phobia, be it agoraphobia, fear of spiders, depression, panic etc. have never experienced that real, horrible fear & all the symptoms that go with it and so are not able to understand what we are experiencing.
Anyway, this is just my take on it all. I don't believe that there are part time agoraphobics, but I do believe that it is a condition that we live with on a daily basis, sometimes it dominates our lives, sometimes it does not. It will be the same for any addict, if they are not using their substance & have managed to stop using it, they will have times when they are fine with this and times when they struggle to fight the desire to go back to using their substance. So sometimes they cope, sometimes they don't, but they are still addicts.
Let me know what you think
Hi, yes i think i understand better. So when my heart plays up and causes me to have a panic and this leads to me not wanting to go out, but the following day its not so bad so i do go out, then this is a 'level' of agoraphobia, albeit a lower level...right? Coz i do actually get around reasonably well i guess. I do find myself in uncomfortable situations, and i do have times when i want to 'stop and get off or out of' somewhere/something but largely i get around well enough. I think i suffer more with confined spaces, crowds, no easy escape route, that sort of thing...then i get panicky as alot of ppl do. Ive heard that claustrophobia and agoraphobia are linked....its all very confusing! :wacko:
But thanks for taking the time to explain, and to give another perspective on it. Much appreciated.
Cathy xxx
Cathy, yes I agree I find it all very confusing too, & I have often wondered is it agoraphobia or claustraphobia I experience. I think the lines are blurred to be honest.
We just came back from a weeks holiday on Saturday from North Yorkshire. I went, and I did enjoy myself, but everyday, at some point, the fear of being away from home, my safe zone, did prey on my mind. As a result, for a period during each day I was still fighting that horrible panic & anxiety. It did go away but it was always there at some level. Although I was able to enjoy our holiday, I did not enjoy it as much as I should. I loathe that horrible feeling when it comes, that feeling where I just want to scream I have to go home, we have to pack up now & leave and go home. The panic increases and I start to feel quite ill. However, I was not nearly as bad as last year at the same time when we went to Centre Parcs in Nottingham. I really struggled with the fear of being away from home then. To be honest it lasted much longer each day than it did this year.
I really don't know why or how I deal with it better sometimes than others. But it is always there.
Feel free to pm me any time.
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