shiv
01-07-08, 10:24
First of all I need to say a big thank you to everyone for being here for me over the past couple of years. I'm not sure if this is the right forum to post this but can't think of anywhere else I can do this and not feel judged.
Before you continue it may be a good idea to read my posts (from 2 years ago) on my alcoholic husband who I thought until very recently was "recovering".
My story is not a happy one. I'm going to start from the beginning so bear with me while I ramble a while.
At 2 my parents divorced and from the age of 4 til 18 I had absolutely no contact with my biological dad (for reasons I won't go into here but we are very much reconciled and so close). My mother remarried when I was 5 and my step-dad, it soon became apparant was a violent alcoholic. When I was 15 it became much much worse and his violence (always toward me) escalated. At 18 we fled to a town 30 miles away after an incident where he put his hands round my throat. We lived in fear away from him for a year until he suddenly hanged himself in 1993. The day the police came to the door I was going to tell my mother I was pregnant at 19 and uni was definitely up the chute. I had my beautiful son jan 1994 and it soon became apparant that my fiance had a drink and drug problem so I left in march 95. A couple of weeks later he hanged himself exactly 23 months after my step-dad. I was needless to say devastated. On the rebound several months later I began seeing a childhhood friend: in 1996 my daughter was born and we married in 1997- it was a disaster- he was possessive etc etc and we split dec 1999 I soon after lost my home and was homeless- it was a very low point and that's when I met my now husband in feb 2000. I suffered a year and a half of violence at his hands and he was a chronic alcoholic. I left but soon found out I was pregnant again and he changed overnight: but it didn't last. But the violence has never resurfaced since. My daughter was born aug 2002 and things were good but the drinking took a hold again. He would disappear for days and eventually I caught him in the early stages of an affair with an 18 yr old neighbour. He pleaded forgiveness, we went to counselling and the drinking got better. The drinking got out of hand badly at the start of 2006 and we'd already started planning our wedding, then as some of you may know, my anxiety took a hold on me worse than ever before. We married- Christ knows why- he was disappearing for long spells all the time- and it just got worse: he even abandoned me for 8 days on our honeymoon in spain. In Sept that year he disappeared for 9 days and i was frantic. He did come back and was immediately hospitalised due to a huge overdose (he was now using cocaine and spending all our money). The shock seemed to jar him and again he got better until mar 2007 i found he'd been persuing another young neighbour. He, again, was sorry and after some ups and downs really began to change and for almost a year it's been great......and here comes the BUT
He took a job as a chef in a local country pub (I know: sounds mad for an alcoholic to work in a pub but he was upfront to the boss and staff and the kitchen was seperate from the bar anyway and if he's gonna drink we have 3 offies on our doorstep- you can't avoid forever). It was my best friend who got him the job as her bf was a chef there too. Anyway my husband became very close to the landlady- an 44 yr old, cuddly 18 stone woman. (i'm 7 st 10, ). I thought it was lovely- my husbands parents are real sh**s but thats another story- and I saw her as a well needed mother figure. But in the last couple of months i hardly saw him. He would stay at the pub when her husband went fishing (they are married in name only) and i was fine- I genuinely saw no threat. But lately she has been buying him loads of clothes and he's been really nasty to me and given me no support during this last relapse. On sunday I took my son to a concert and while there he called me and we had this row- he'd been really horrible to my sister-in-law and the next thing, SHE calls (the landlady) and says she's at my house- he's drunk she'll wait there til i get back so the girls are looked after.. I already had my suspicions the drinking had resumed. Yesterday while I was at work she rung me to say they were going for lunch and she'd get him sorted out for me. After that they both switched off their phones and were gone the best part of the day. I was fuming as he had cash AND my bank card and I had no money. She later came to my door and gave me £40 but no card and said she was going to bluewater shopping with girlfriends(?)- an hour later my card came throught the door. I immediately went to the cashpoint and he's cleared our bank of all our savings £3500!! I went ballistic and called my friend who's bf works with my husband. I have found out from them that she bought him a £2500 rolex, that people are talking and her husband is mad as hell. I also discovered that she has had lots of boyfriends- around my husbands age and married with kids too and that she spends loads of money on them to buy them. Also she asked her hubby for a divorce on thurs last week. Now I'm so, so angry and distraught, I can't even begin to explain; devastated does not even begin to cover it. Now I don't want to sound shallow but she's enormous and old and looks like a lesbian. (I was a size 18 years ago so I'm really not being mean). He's obviously in for the money- he's very looks orientated. And unfortunately when he's on the drink he's obsessed with money (his parents are very rich). She's also from what i can gather been facillitating his drinking after promising me that she'd NEVER allow him to drink again. I've also noticed that she couldn't look me in the eye the last couple of weeks but I just thought I'd said something to upset or annoy her.
Please, please tell me what it is I've done to deserve this crap. I'm at the lowest point possible. So numb I can't even cry and I'm ashamed to say that last night I put holes in most of his clothes- most of which SHE bought him. And I've noticed she buys him black and he wears it all the time- he was always an Alfie Moon shirt guy if you get me. She wears black all the f***ing time! I'm so angry and I'm sorry for rambling but my world has just come to an end. I feel like throwing in the towel.
Where am i going to go from here cos I can't even think straight- been up all night.
Please help me understand this
Siobhan
Before you continue it may be a good idea to read my posts (from 2 years ago) on my alcoholic husband who I thought until very recently was "recovering".
My story is not a happy one. I'm going to start from the beginning so bear with me while I ramble a while.
At 2 my parents divorced and from the age of 4 til 18 I had absolutely no contact with my biological dad (for reasons I won't go into here but we are very much reconciled and so close). My mother remarried when I was 5 and my step-dad, it soon became apparant was a violent alcoholic. When I was 15 it became much much worse and his violence (always toward me) escalated. At 18 we fled to a town 30 miles away after an incident where he put his hands round my throat. We lived in fear away from him for a year until he suddenly hanged himself in 1993. The day the police came to the door I was going to tell my mother I was pregnant at 19 and uni was definitely up the chute. I had my beautiful son jan 1994 and it soon became apparant that my fiance had a drink and drug problem so I left in march 95. A couple of weeks later he hanged himself exactly 23 months after my step-dad. I was needless to say devastated. On the rebound several months later I began seeing a childhhood friend: in 1996 my daughter was born and we married in 1997- it was a disaster- he was possessive etc etc and we split dec 1999 I soon after lost my home and was homeless- it was a very low point and that's when I met my now husband in feb 2000. I suffered a year and a half of violence at his hands and he was a chronic alcoholic. I left but soon found out I was pregnant again and he changed overnight: but it didn't last. But the violence has never resurfaced since. My daughter was born aug 2002 and things were good but the drinking took a hold again. He would disappear for days and eventually I caught him in the early stages of an affair with an 18 yr old neighbour. He pleaded forgiveness, we went to counselling and the drinking got better. The drinking got out of hand badly at the start of 2006 and we'd already started planning our wedding, then as some of you may know, my anxiety took a hold on me worse than ever before. We married- Christ knows why- he was disappearing for long spells all the time- and it just got worse: he even abandoned me for 8 days on our honeymoon in spain. In Sept that year he disappeared for 9 days and i was frantic. He did come back and was immediately hospitalised due to a huge overdose (he was now using cocaine and spending all our money). The shock seemed to jar him and again he got better until mar 2007 i found he'd been persuing another young neighbour. He, again, was sorry and after some ups and downs really began to change and for almost a year it's been great......and here comes the BUT
He took a job as a chef in a local country pub (I know: sounds mad for an alcoholic to work in a pub but he was upfront to the boss and staff and the kitchen was seperate from the bar anyway and if he's gonna drink we have 3 offies on our doorstep- you can't avoid forever). It was my best friend who got him the job as her bf was a chef there too. Anyway my husband became very close to the landlady- an 44 yr old, cuddly 18 stone woman. (i'm 7 st 10, ). I thought it was lovely- my husbands parents are real sh**s but thats another story- and I saw her as a well needed mother figure. But in the last couple of months i hardly saw him. He would stay at the pub when her husband went fishing (they are married in name only) and i was fine- I genuinely saw no threat. But lately she has been buying him loads of clothes and he's been really nasty to me and given me no support during this last relapse. On sunday I took my son to a concert and while there he called me and we had this row- he'd been really horrible to my sister-in-law and the next thing, SHE calls (the landlady) and says she's at my house- he's drunk she'll wait there til i get back so the girls are looked after.. I already had my suspicions the drinking had resumed. Yesterday while I was at work she rung me to say they were going for lunch and she'd get him sorted out for me. After that they both switched off their phones and were gone the best part of the day. I was fuming as he had cash AND my bank card and I had no money. She later came to my door and gave me £40 but no card and said she was going to bluewater shopping with girlfriends(?)- an hour later my card came throught the door. I immediately went to the cashpoint and he's cleared our bank of all our savings £3500!! I went ballistic and called my friend who's bf works with my husband. I have found out from them that she bought him a £2500 rolex, that people are talking and her husband is mad as hell. I also discovered that she has had lots of boyfriends- around my husbands age and married with kids too and that she spends loads of money on them to buy them. Also she asked her hubby for a divorce on thurs last week. Now I'm so, so angry and distraught, I can't even begin to explain; devastated does not even begin to cover it. Now I don't want to sound shallow but she's enormous and old and looks like a lesbian. (I was a size 18 years ago so I'm really not being mean). He's obviously in for the money- he's very looks orientated. And unfortunately when he's on the drink he's obsessed with money (his parents are very rich). She's also from what i can gather been facillitating his drinking after promising me that she'd NEVER allow him to drink again. I've also noticed that she couldn't look me in the eye the last couple of weeks but I just thought I'd said something to upset or annoy her.
Please, please tell me what it is I've done to deserve this crap. I'm at the lowest point possible. So numb I can't even cry and I'm ashamed to say that last night I put holes in most of his clothes- most of which SHE bought him. And I've noticed she buys him black and he wears it all the time- he was always an Alfie Moon shirt guy if you get me. She wears black all the f***ing time! I'm so angry and I'm sorry for rambling but my world has just come to an end. I feel like throwing in the towel.
Where am i going to go from here cos I can't even think straight- been up all night.
Please help me understand this
Siobhan